Make Me Wanna Die
by SweetWillowTree
Summary: Songfic Series. Started out with one song, and grew into an actual plot. Post-Kill or Be Killed. Elena and Stefan break up, and Damon grows up. Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.
1. Just Tonight part 1

**Authors Note: This song was niggling at the back of my mind for Stefan/Elena for a while, and since I started thinking about it, a storyline related to other songs has sort of wandered in. The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. The first song used here, Just Tonight, is also by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Here we are, and I can't think through all the pills right,_

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since it's come to this. I used to drink to dull the pain of my boring life.

Now, I'm drinking to dull the pain of my not-so-boring life.

_Start the car, and take me home._

I knew that Stefan drinking human blood again couldn't end well. He takes more and more, and Caroline has to drive me home after, because I shake too much.

_Here we are, and you're too drunk to hear a word I say,_

We tried a regular date the other night, but he just kept staring at me, like I was a walking blood bag. Which, I suppose, is what I've become to him, even if he can't see it.

_Start the car, and take me home._

Damon saw it. He drove me home that night.

_Just tonight I will stay. And we'll throw it all away._

He's taking blood from me now, but I've decided to stick it out this time.

He's finished, and I yank my left arm back, wrapping my right around his neck, and crushing his lips to mine.

He doesn't even hesitate.

_When the light hits your eyes, it's telling me I'm right._

I fall back on his bed as he crawls over me, both of us tearing at each others clothes. He touches me with bruising force, but I don't cry out.

I scratch down his back instead, and when he enters me, it's hard and fast, and I bite his shoulder hard enough to draw blood, if only for a moment.

His eyes flash and I can see so clearly the predator he's become.

_And if I, I am through, and it's all because of you,_

As Stefan lays, bemused, on his bed, I dress in what is left of my clothes. Our eyes meet and I leave the room.

I drive myself home.

_Just tonight._


	2. Just Tonight part 2

**Authors Note: The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. The first song used here, Just Tonight, is also by The Pretty Reckless. The expression used in this chapter, "unbearable lightness", is inspired by the title of Portia de Rossi's upcoming book.**

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Here I am, and I can't seem to see straight,_

Dear Diary,

I am dying. I am not really writing in my diary, but this is how I will think my last thoughts.

The room is spinning. He took too much. And he ran away.

_But I'm too numb to feel right now._

I don't feel angry, or sad, or betrayed. I don't feel anything but this unbearable lightness.

_Here I am, watching the clock that's ticking away my time,_

My eyes are focusing on a swinging pendulum across the room from where I'm slumped against the wall.

Is that a clock? Is that how fast I'm dying?

_I'm too numb to feel right now._

My eyes are rolling back in my head, and there's a pounding on the door.

My hands feel sticky. Is that my blood?

_Just tonight I will stay. And we'll throw it all away._

It's hours later now, Diary, and I lived. I stayed the night in Damon's room, with Damon watching me, while Caroline went looking for Stefan.

At some point, I took Damon's blood. A bad decision, in retrospect, because now that's three times, and his sense of ownership is only getting stronger.

_When the light hits your eyes, it's telling me I'm right._

When Stefan got back, he knew right away what Damon had done. The predator in Stefan's eyes was back, and I'm scared.

_And if I, I am through, and it's all because of you,_

I've decided not to share my blood anymore. Our relationship has changed too much, and my role in the Salvatore's lives has become too skewed. I can't be both Stefan and Damon's in anything... Not even this.

_Just tonight._


	3. Just Tonight part 3

**Authors Note: The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. The first song used here, Just Tonight, is also by The Pretty Reckless. This chapter is mostly just an interlude.**

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Do you understand who I am?_

"Don't you get it Stefan? It feels like I'm a blood donor, and not your girlfriend!"

_Do you wanna know?_

"I can't do this for you anymore, if it means giving us up!"

_Can you really see through me now?_

"There's no love like this, just blood. Is that all that I am to you now?"

_I am about to go._

"I'm going home now. Think about what I've said, and we'll talk in the morning."


	4. Just Tonight part 4

**Authors Note: The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. The first song used here, Just Tonight, is also by The Pretty Reckless. This is the last chapter based on this song. Check back soon for the next installment!**

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Just tonight I won't leave._

Dear Diary,

We tried going back to normal tonight. I stayed away for three days, and then we rented movies and stayed in at the boarding house.

_And I'll lie and you'll believe._

He asked me if we were okay. I said yes. I lied.

We'll never be okay. The relationship... The dynamics are irreparably changed.

_Just tonight I will see that it's all because of me._

Later on, we were in his room. He was apologizing between kisses, pressing his lips down my neck, and across my collarbone, down my chest and across my stomach.

He said that he only ever wanted to protect me.

_Just tonight I will stay, and we'll throw it all away._

He was being so gentle, that I forgot my misgivings. He undressed me slowly, kissing every inch of skin as it was uncovered. He slid off my jeans, and kissed inside my thighs, up higher and higher. I gasped as he slid off my panties, and kissed what they revealed. I spread my legs wider and he used his tongue to pleasure me like he never had before.

I cried out when he sucked on my clit, reaching down and threading my fingers into his hair, pressing him closer and pulling him away at the same time. I could feel him smiling as he replaced his mouth with his fingers, sliding two inside of me, while he slowly kissed his way back up my body.

I moved my hips in time with his hand, while I kissed his neck, nipping him gently here and there.

_When the light hits your eyes, it's telling me I'm right._

Without warning, my hands were pinned to either side of my head, and he had slid is manhood into me, as deep as he could. My mouth opened, and all of the air left my lungs. He started pumping into me, gently at first, then harder and faster. I continued kissing his neck and shoulders, but as I could feel my climax coming, I started using my teeth more and more.

My orgasm hit, and a moment after, Stefan's fangs tore into my neck as he released himself into me. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire from the pleasure and the pain, and it took everything in me to whisper "No" before I lost consciousness.

_And if I, I am through, and it's all because of you._

I woke up this morning in my pyjamas, in my own bed, without a scratch on me. But I know what happened. I know what Stefan has done for what he thinks was my protection.

Regardless, I know what I have to do. It has to be over with him, all of it. No more compromises. For his own good.

_Just tonight._


	5. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude

**Authors Note: The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. The lyrics used in this chapter are from the same song. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Take me, I'm alive._

_Never was a girl with a wicked mind,_

_But everything looks better when the sun goes down._

Damon had been spending his evening at The Grill, which is what he usually did his younger brother and Elena tried their "we're-normal-so-we're-gonna-have-a-normal-date" nights. Although, given what had been going on more recently between the two, Damon had had to wait until Caroline came in before he was off the unofficial babysitting duty.

Anyways, he had been out, indulging in some expensive liquor and thinking about indulging in some cheap girls, when an accident happened.

He got introspective.

It suddenly occurred to him, when he briefly considered calling the boarding house to check in with Caroline that everything was okay, that he had, somewhere along the way, become responsible for Elena. Never in his life had he ever been responsible for anything or anyone.

The change he felt at this realization was something akin to getting kicked in the stomach: His lungs were empty, his mouth was open, and he felt like everything in his abdomen had suddenly leapt up into his oesophagus. And that wasn't all.

His mind suddenly went into hyper-drive as he processed the consequences of his newfound self-awareness. He stumbled off his barstool and out of the bar as it struck him: Elena was just a kid. Just a little girl really, no more than a child. He and his brother had effectively been able to realize that Elena was not Katherine, but, at least in Damon, the correlation that Elena was Elena had never held much importance. Both vampires had not treated Elena like Katherine, but neither, it seemed, had ever treated her like what she was: a seventeen year old girl in an impossible situation.

Damon slid his car into his driveway, parked it, turned it off, and took out the keys, but remained inside the vehicle for a moment. His entire perception of his current life was shifting a little, and he was trying to figure out... Well... How to figure it out. For a moment, just a moment, his love for Elena had changed, and become something less desirous, and more protective. Then, the need and desire came roaring back, but with a different feeling: He had become the grown-up that his father had always wanted him to be, and he knew that the kind of relationship (he shuddered at the thought of what he was becoming) that he wanted, Elena could not, was not able to, give. Yet.

He went inside, and heard what was going on in Stefan's room. Damon rolled his eyes, before heading upstairs, fully intending to bang on the door, and embarrass the hell out of Elena at least, and maybe even his younger brother. As he stepped in front of the door, though, he suddenly heard nothing. Or, almost nothing.

"No..."

Before Damon could move, Stefan had ripped the door open, and stood there, eyes terrified and face covered in blood. The elder looked into the room, then met the younger's eyes and nodded. Stefan left, and Damon cleaned up the mess, an odd turning of tables, which only hammered home Damon's thoughts from earlier:

He had grown up.


	6. Stupid part 1

**Authors Note: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed/added this story to their alerts. I'm really excited about writing the story, and I'm glad that others are excited to read it.**

**This second part of the story is inspired by the song Stupid by Sarah McLachlan. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Night lift up the shades, let in the brilliant light of morning._

Dear Diary,

When I woke up in the morning, I forgot for a moment what had happened. But there was this niggling thought at the back of my mind, which travelled down through my spinal cord to my chest, eventually settling in my stomach.

Something was wrong...

_But steady there now, for I am weak and starving for mercy._

Everything flashed back: The date, Stefan being so sweet, and what happened afterwards. I couldn't move; I was paralysed with fear about what would happen next.

I vomited.

_Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong._

I tried desperately to sleep it off, trying to forget everything that had happened in the past year; Or at least everything after Founders' Day. But it was no use, and I just wound up dwelling on Stefan, Damon, Katherine, and trying to find when I had made my first mistake.

_It's all I can do to hang on, to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes._

I know what I have to do. I have to breathe, and put one foot in front of the other, and get to the boarding house, and end it with Stefan. I know whenever we've tried to break up, something happens, some danger arrives, and keeps us together. But this time, the danger's already here, and it's tearing us apart.

_How stupid could I be?_

It occurs to me, as I walk through the silent boarding house, that maybe confronting a bloodthirsty and emotional vampire alone may not be a good idea. I make my way to Stefan's room, and am momentarily halted when I see him asleep, curled into his pillow, looking completely innocent and harmless.

_A simpleton could see_

I shake my head, and berate myself for being so weak. I have to remember Stefan as he was last night to be able to do this. Any thought or memory about him as a good person has to be forgotten, at least for now, to be able to make it clean.

_That you're no good for me._

Because him and I, together, are bad. We aren't good for each other anymore, we just keep dragging each other down, or putting each other in danger, and I can't keep going like that. And he shouldn't be able to either. Thinking back, it occurs to me that this is something that I should have known from the start.

_But you're the only one I see._

My eyes fall back to his sleeping face, and I can't help it. I crawl in next to him, pulling his arm over my waist, and fall asleep too.


	7. Stupid part 2

**Authors Note: As a follow-up from the last Authors Note, thanks to cheyyylewis, Heidi Mae, , damonXlenaXforever, britvamp, kayceebee, Licet, Miles2GoBeforeISleep, NightlyEvilTM, rsalvatore, and Vampgirl144 for either reviewing, favouriting, or adding this story to their alerts.**

**This second part of the story is inspired by the song Stupid by Sarah McLachlan. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Love has made me a fool. It set me on fire and watched as I floundered,_

When I woke up, Elena was sleeping in my arms. I was breathless. I couldn't believe that she would be here after what I had done. The guilt threatened to engulf me completely while I held her, desperate to make things right. Damon had crept in, standing at the foot of the bed, looking like he was choosing between enveloping Elena in a soft cocoon, and ripping me limb from limb.

She was twitching in her sleep, like she was having a nightmare. Then she screamed, her eyes shot open and met mine, and she shot across the room. She looked at the door, but didn't see Damon slide out. Her eyes met mine, and I edged off the bed, one hand out as I would approach a wild animal.

"Elena?"

"Stefan, I can't... We can't..."

I shook my head. "I know."

_Unable to speak, except to cry out and wait for your answer._

There was nothing left to say. We both knew where we stood. But it didn't stop me from hoping.

"We could..."

"No," she cut me off, "We can't do anything. We aren't good for each other anymore Stefan. We keep trying to protect each other, save each other, but it just makes things worse."

I nodded, still trying to think of a way around it, but it was the truth.

_But you come around in your time; speaking of fabulous places, create an oasis. _

It struck me then what I needed to do. "I'll leave." She opened her mouth, but I cut her off. "I'll go somewhere to learn to control myself. At the least, there's a chance that Katherine might follow me. Two birds..." I felt my lips quirk bitterly.

"Will you come back?"

"As soon as I can."

_Dries up as soon as you're gone; you leave me here burning in this desert without you._

She nodded, and left the room. I fell back onto my bed, considering what I had just promised, and felt my chest burning at the thought of leaving Elena, the life that I'd started building in Mystic Falls, and going back into the unknown. But I knew that it was necessary, from what Damon had threatened the night before, after bringing Elena home.

_How stupid could I be?_

"You idiot!" Damon had snarled.

I was slumped on the couch, trying to quell the guilt that seemed to have been exponentially growing inside of me. Damon took this as an invitation to continue. He had me pinned to the wall before I even looked up. His forearm was across my throat, and he growled in my ear, unable to use a human voice.

"You've been dealing with her, physically and emotionally, for a year now, and you didn't realize what was happening?"

"She offered to –"

_A simpleton could see_

"NO!" Damon roared. He slammed by head into the wall, and I shoved him off of me. He stumbled over the couch, but was up in a flash and threw me into the wall. "She had no idea WHAT she was offering. You're the vampire! You know what happens when you take blood from your...," he stalked toward me as he searched for the appropriate word, "'partner'. She had no idea what that would do to your relationship! You should have said no!" He punctuated the end of the sentence with a kick to my ribs.

_That you're no good for me._

Damon lifted me up by the collar of my shirt and slammed me into the wall again. His next words were chilling, and not because of what they were, but because of the calmness that permeated his entire demeanour.

"End. It. A-sap."

He dropped me to the floor and blurred out of the room.

_But you're the only one I see._

The pain that I had felt throughout my body had nothing to do with the beating that Damon had just doled out, and everything to do with the thought of removing Elena from my life.

**Authors Note: First off, I'm not writing Stefan out of the story. I really like Stefan, when he isn't embroiled in Elena drama. He's coming back. Also, I had originally written this chapter from Elena's perspective (which made the rewrite very strange), and I have her nightmare written out. Let me know if I should post "Deleted Scenes" at some point. Tks!**


	8. Stupid part 3

**Authors Note: The first few lines of this song are from a few different perspectives. I'm pretty sure the who's-who is pretty clear, but I thought I'd mention it, just in case. **

**This second part of the story is inspired by the song Stupid by Sarah McLachlan. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Everything changes,_

I couldn't believe it. Within twenty four hours, the axis of the world had shifted. I had changed, for good. And I had offered Stefan advice, for someone else's benefit. I had taken care of Elena, without her knowing.

_Everything falls apart._

As I flee down the stairs, I feel oddly calm. Stefan and I were over, for good. That thought leads to a new one, one that surprises me a little: I don't ever want to date a vampire again.

_Can't stop to feel myself losing control._

I packed my bags, thinking about where to go. I couldn't stop preparing. If I stopped, I wouldn't follow through. And I needed to control this side of me. For her.

_But deep in my senses I know._

All three occupants of the house could feel it, the epic change in all their lives, even if they didn't recognize it as such.

_How stupid could I be?_

"You moron!"

I stop, looking to the side at the couch where Damon is seated, his customary glass of bourbon in hand.

"Excuse me?"

"I called you a moron." I open my mouth to answer, but he cuts me off. "What did you think would happen, kid? You were dating a vampire, and you romanticized it. Like an idiot."

"I know what he is, and I knew what I was doi-. " I can't finish my sentence. Damon had leapt up and was facing me. I can see the muscles in his jaw twitching, but he sets his glass down calmly and takes a few steps forward.

_A simpleton could see_

"You most certainly did not know what you were doing. You're lucky to be alive."

A memory chimes in my head. "You told me that Stefan needed to drink."

"Yes. He does need to drink 'human blood'. But not 'Elena blood'." He holds the bridge of his nose with one hand and there's a look on his face that I've never seen on him before. "You have no idea what drinking warm, living blood from a willing victim does. And you clearly weren't too concerned to find out."

"Stefan never –"

Damon's eyes flash, and I try to shuffle back. "Of COURSE he didn't! When has he EVER been honest about what he is!"

_That you're no good for me._

I start getting frustrated. Damon was only saying things that I already knew.

"Alright Damon. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for trying to help protect us from Katherine the only way that I know how, and I'm sorry for breaking up with Stefan before I got killed!"

At this point, Damon's old menacing demeanour resurfaces. "Do you remember our trip to Georgia?" I nod. "Hm... Do you remember what happened, how I almost got killed?" I nod again as the scene flashed before my eyes. "'If you want to be together forever, you have to live forever.' This whole 'I'm-not-going-to-die-for-my-relationship' is bullshit when you're with a vampire. And that's why you're a moron!"

_But you're the only one I see._

At that, Damon walks away from me, back to the couch and his glass, and he sits, facing away from me. I can't help it. I yell at his back "Why are you saying this Damon? Why would you try to make me _want _to die?"

And as I make my escape, all that I can think of now, is that I really wasn't willing to die for Stefan.


	9. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude II

**Authors Note: Thanks to Heidi Mae for your review!**

**The title of the story and lyrics in this chapter are from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_I had everything,_

_Opportunities for eternity,_

_And I could belong to the night._

Dear Diary,

Stefan left a week ago. He wouldn't say where he was going, only that he had let it be known to Katherine that he was leaving, and he didn't know what she would do. He said that he would try to be back as soon as he's able, so that everything can go back to normal.

I have to admit that I giggled a little at that.

Since then I have spent almost every waking moment with Caroline, and probably every sleeping moment with Damon. It sort of makes me feel like a burden, that they're both keeping such a close eye on me. I mentioned it to Damon once, and he just looked at me in his dismissive way and went back to what he was doing. I'll have to figure out a way to deal with it on my own I guess.

I sometimes think about how close I really had come to 'joining the other side'. I mean, I had the vampire boyfriend, and the blood exchanges, and I've gotten embroiled in all this underworld stuff. I think it's kind of funny that it's Caroline, normal, dramatic, eccentric Caroline who got turned. I wouldn't ever say anything about it to her though, but it's a thought. I'm not jealous or anything, not at all... I just find it odd.

Sometimes, I wish that I could just be old Elena again. Caroline calls her 'fun Elena'. The person that I was before my parents died, and I fell in love, and I found out that the guy that I fell in love with was... so complicated. I wish that I could just go back to acting like a normal girl my age, and date and drink and have fun. Where did that go?

School's starting again in a few days. Maybe I can find some sense of normalcy there. Of course, the fact that I spend almost all of my time at the boarding house with two vampires might not be the best way to go about being normal, but who knows, right?


	10. Big Machine part 1

**Authors Note: Le sigh... This story has rapidly evolved from "Hey, cool one shot idea!" to "Alright, I guess I can manage a couple songs." to "I just need to find a way to work in 20 songs." to "Already planning the sequel!". This particular song is a little lighter, more of a filler to set up for what happens over the next couple songs. **

**The song is called Big Machine, by the Goo Goo Dolls. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Ecstasy is all you need, living in the big machine now. Oh, you're so vain._

_Now the world is way too fast, nothing's real and nothing lasts. _

_And I'm aware. I'm in love but you don't care._

It was an adjustment, for sure. The boarding house felt so different. Stefan was gone, Elena was over all the time, and Caroline had moved in. Some days, Damon felt like he ran a youth centre. Or a library, once school had started again and the girls were swamped with homework.

The three occupants (for all intents and purposes) of the boarding house were still reeling from Stefan's departure, all for different reasons.

Caroline was left without a mentor as she battled against her vampiric tendencies while trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life.

Elena broken up with her first love, and also believed that she had effectively run him out of town. For the second time in about a year, someone of great importance to her had been torn from her life, and the guilt that she felt after her parents deaths bubbled back to the surface.

Damon had been left with the responsibility of essentially babysitting the two teenagers, given the dangers that were inherent in living in Mystic Falls when one was either a vampire or Elena Gilbert.

A few days after Stefan's departure, Katherine had offered up one last attack against Elena before disappearing, presumably to follow Stefan, but no one knew for sure. She had walked right into the Gilbert house, held a knife to Jeremy's throat, and demanded that Elena tell her where Stefan had gone. Both Damon and Alaric had arrived, by chance, during the encounter, and were able to chase her off, but the damage was done, and Elena's already fragile sense of safety all but crumbled.

_Turn your anger into lust. I'm still here but you don't trust at all, and I'll be waiting._

_Love and sex and loneliness. Take what's yours and leave the rest,_

_So I'll survive. God it's good to be alive. _

As the school year began, however, Damon noticed changes in Elena. She was bolder, and more independent. Caroline would bug her about it, telling her to just act like a normal teenager while she could. Elena would just smile, and go back to what she was doing.

Damon had shrugged off the thought that Elena might become the 'normal teenager' that Caroline was pushing her to be, until he overheard a conversation between the two of them from around the corner at the boarding house.

"Just go for it Elena. Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Uh... What happened last time? Death, pain, destruction... Need I continue?"

"Come on Elena! I can't date anyone right now, pleeeease let me live through you!"

Damon could practically hear Elena rolling her eyes as he leaned closer, desperate to influence her answer. "Fine, one date. That's it. One date."

_I'm torn in pieces._

_I'm blind and waiting for..._

_My heart is reeling._

_I'm blind and waiting for you._

Despite his better judgment, and Caroline's best efforts to keep him distracted on the night of the big date, Damon followed Elena and 'the boy' for a bit, trying to convince himself that it was for her protection. He sat on a barstool at The Grill, feeling Elena's eyes boring a hole in his back, but left when he decided that the boy was no threat to Elena. He went back to her house later that night to make sure that she had gotten home safely. Frowning, he peered in her bedroom window to find her sleeping soundly, with a bouquet of flowers next to her bed.


	11. Big Machine part 2

**The song is called Big Machine, by the Goo Goo Dolls. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Still in love with all your sins, where you stop and I begin and I'll be waiting._

_Living like a house on fire, what you fear is your desire._

_It's hard to deal. I still love the way you feel._

Despite Elena's protests, Damon still spent most nights tailing her. He figured that at some point he would have to deal with something that surprised him. What he hadn't expected was to start following her to Alaric Saltzman's home.

After a few nights spent waiting around outside for her to emerge, his curiosity got the better of him, and he strode up to knock on the door.

Alaric answered his door wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt, panting and sweating. Damon's eyebrows rocketed up into his hairline as the other man turned and yelled into the house, "You were right Elena, it is Damon."

Elena came to the door, wearing much the same as her teacher, also sweating and carrying a water bottle.

"Damon, you really aren't as stealthy as you think you are," she teased. She told Alaric that they would have to cut it off there, put on her coat and handed Damon her bag, then headed toward her car.

Damon cleared his throat. "What was that?"

"Hey, you're my stalker... You tell me." When Damon said nothing, Elena sighed and leaned against her car, running her hands through her hair. "Mr Saltzman's teaching me how to fight, Damon. At first, I was just really upset when Stefan left. I was angry, and, I don't know, but I needed an outlet. Then, when Katherine attacked Jeremy, I realized that no matter how much time you and Caroline spend making sure I'm safe, you can't be everywhere all the time." She reached out and squeezed Damon's arm. "I need to be able to protect myself."

She reached into her school bag, and pulled out a gun. "Mr Saltzman's already taught me how to use this. It's loaded with wood-tipped bullets. And there's a few vervain darts in my purse, just in case."

_Now this angry little girl, drowning in this petty world, and I'm who you run to._

_Swallow all your bitter pills. That's what makes you beautiful._

_You're all I've got. I don't need what you ain't got._

As the school year continued, and September turned to October, which turned to November, Damon backed off from his active guarding of Elena. One night, when he had been out half-heartedly looking for Katherine, his cell phone rang.

"Elena?" He heard a sob. "Elena, what's wrong?"

Before she could even say anything, he was running back to the boarding house.

"I'm fine Damon, I just... Can I come over?"

"Of course," he had reached his car by now, "I'll come and get you."

She had been sitting in a playground, swaying softly on the swing set. Damon blurred to her side, and took the swing next to her.

"I feel so stupid for doing this to you Damon."

He reached over and rubbed her back, feeling a little out of his element as he did so. "What happened? Was it the boy? Do I have to rip something off of him?"

She laughed bitterly. "No... It was me. I broke up with him." She looked at him with big eyes. "I know it sounds like a stupid reason to call you but... I... I had to do it, for his own good." She stopped to take a deep breath. "How many teenage girls have to do that? But I realized that, with everything that I'm part of now, with Katherine, and the fact that I carry around a vampire killing kit with me everywhere... What kind of relationship would that be?"

All that Damon could do was nod at her while she finished her thought.

"I mean, what's going to happen to me. I can't date normal boys because I know too much, and I can't date... anyone else, because I'm too human. Is this going to be my life?"

_I'm torn in pieces._

_I'm blind and waiting for..._

_My heart is reeling._

_I'm blind and waiting for you._

Elena's revelation had sent Damon reeling, as he thought over it later that night. It was a concept that he had desperately wanted her to grasp when Stefan had been around. But now, he was profoundly uncomfortable knowing that this was a lesson that she'd had to learn.


	12. Big Machine part 3

**The song is called Big Machine, by the Goo Goo Dolls. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_I'm blind and waiting for you._

_I'm blind and waiting for you._

_And I can't believe it's coming true._

When December started, Damon was pleasantly surprised to find that Elena really didn't need as much protection as she once had. He had coincidentally seen her walking along the other side of the street when she turned into an alleyway leading to a parking lot, presumably to get her car. Damon had crossed over, not to check on her, but just to see her. She'd been preoccupied with school and the upcoming holidays, and Damon found that he'd missed having his home overrun with teenagers. And she was the only person who could temper Caroline's natural human obnoxiousness.

As he got closer, he heard a male voice say "Hey babe…", followed by a groan. Rushing forward, he was struck dumb at the sight in front of him. Elena standing in front of a vampire, who had fallen to his knees, clutching at a vervain dart sticking out of his neck. She kicked him in the groin before spitting out, "I don't do vampires," and striding away.

Damon had laughed out loud at this scene. Then he tore the vampire's head off.

_God, it's good to be alive,_

_I'm still here and waiting for you._

_And I can't believe it's coming true._

_I'm blind and waiting for you._

A few weeks later, the same scene reproduced itself. Only this time, Stefan was the unfortunate soul who had attempted to surprise Elena, and had gotten stabbed for his troubles.

Damon had laughed even harder than the first time, only instead of ripping his brother's head off, he simply rubbed it in at every chance.


	13. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude III

**The title of the story and lyrics used in this chapter are from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Your eyes, your eyes, I can see in your eyes, your eyes..._

_You make me wanna die._

Damon had never really liked Christmas. Of course, the fact that Santa had brought him back his little brother did nothing to change the fact. At first, Damon had been relieved to have Stefan back. He could take Caroline off his hands, at least, and Damon could get back to being much less sociable, and much more subtly possessive of Elena.

Unfortunately, with Stefan's return came the re-emergence of the typical Stefan and Elena drama. Stefan had, somewhat optimistically, believed that once he had his blood problem under control that he and Elena could perhaps get back together, while Elena was adamant that she couldn't be with him, or any other vampire for that matter.

On top of that, Katherine reappeared after four months away, confirming the suspicion that she had been off following Stefan around the world, while someone else handled her business in Mystic Falls.

That someone else became apparent to Team Salvatore (as Caroline insisted on calling them) when Mason Lockwood reappeared on the scene after laying low since September.

Damon and Caroline both watched, helpless, as Elena's carefully reconstructed sense of safety crumbled again, as Katherine commenced psychological warfare on her young look-alike. It had begun with notes left in Elena's room, or in her locker at school, subtle reminders that she really wasn't safe anywhere. Then there were 'presents', first a vervain stalk, to remind that Katherine was impervious to that type of attack, then escalating to dead things, such as mice and human hearts. Between her three vampire companions, Elena was never left unprotected, but that never seemed to stop Katherine from finding some way through their defences.

Katherine's attacks didn't go unpunished, as the vampires had full access to the Lockwood manor, and Jeremy had struck a tentative friendship with Tyler. Using Mason's human life to affect Katherine was doing more that it seemed, as she was quickly becoming tired of having to put up with the werewolf's weaknesses, but he was her best weapon, given his station within the town.

The look in Elena's eyes as 2010 came to a close could have killed those people who knew her best, particularly Damon and Caroline, who had spent so much time trying to keep her protected. After months of growing strength and confidence, all that was left in Elena's eyes was hopelessness.


	14. Invincible part 1

**Authors Note: Thanks again to everyone who read/reviewed/alerted this story. It means a lot because I'm really loving writing it! And I think I've inadvertently begun planning not one, but two sequels. Why oh why is there so much good music in the world?**

**The song is called Invincible, by Ok Go. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

Dear Diary,

I know that lately my entries have been a little… dismal. With Katherine and Mason back on the scene, and, much as I hate to admit it, Stefan drama taking up my time again, I've been backsliding to where I was over the summer; Scared and depressed. But something happened recently.

_When they finally come to destroy the earth, they'll have to go through you first._

_And I bet they won't be expecting that._

Damon was following me, again, as usual, and I'd finally gotten to my breaking point about it. We were walking, and arguing… He was behind me, and suddenly he went quiet and I heard a thud. I turned around, and Damon was on the ground, and I saw Katherine a second before she leapt at me. I don't remember what I was thinking, but I just went on instinct, probably from my lessons with Mr. Saltzman.

I hit the ground, and she flew over me. I had to slow her down, and break her focus, and I know that there's only one way to accomplish that, with a vampire who is also impervious to vervain: Fresh, flowing blood.

I reached into my back pocket, and pulled out a pocket knife, and while I was running, ran the blade up my arm. Blood gushed out, and Katherine's eyes immediately zoned in.

She shook her head, and glared at me. "I know what you're trying to do, Elena. And it won't work… I need you dead, sweetie."

I backed up, steering myself out of the park where Damon and I had been yelling at each other, and toward the street. Katherine didn't notice, but she was moving in time with the beat of my pulse. "Stefan and I are done. He's all yours."

"Aw… How cute… You really think that you were an obstacle for me? Nope, I need you dead for more than just that reason."

I slowed down, looking over my shoulder at the traffic going by. Or not going by, as luck would have it. "Yeah, and what reason is that?"

She smirked, and I heard the sound that I'd been waiting for: Oncoming traffic. I leapt backwards into the road before Katherine could answer my question, and, surprised, she followed me. I skipped backwards before the speeding car could hit me, and instead, it rammed into the vampire following me.

_When they finally come to destroy the earth, they'll have to deal with you first._

_And my money says they won't know about the thousand Fahrenheit hot metal lights behind your eyes,_

I knew that she wouldn't be down for long, so even before they collided, I already had my school bag slung forward, and I grabbed by gun out of the bottom. As Katherine pulled herself off the ground, I shot her, in her throat, her stomach, and each of her knees.

She fell back to the ground, growling and grasping for me as I bolted past her, and toward Damon. I hadn't noticed that she had injected him with vervain, but luckily, by the time I'd gotten to him, another car had skidded over Katherine's prone body, and bought us a little more time. I pressed my injured arm to his mouth, and helped him get up as he drank. We got to his car, and sped away, without looking back.

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_That crushing crashing atom smashing white hot thing is invincible!_

I did it, Diary. It was different from dropping some random vamp in an alley. This was Katherine. Not only did I protect myself, but I saved Damon.

I did it!


	15. Invincible part 2

**The song is called Invincible, by Ok Go. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

When Alaric arrived at the bar, he spotted Damon immediately. It was early afternoon, but the teacher had a spare, and was able to respond immediately to Damon's urgent request to meet. He wasn't even fully seated when the vampire began speaking.

"Something crazy happened today Ric… Or it might have been yesterday…" Damon rubbed his face. "God, I don't even know anymore."

Alaric waited a moment for him to continue, but when the silence dragged on, he asked, "Is it something that I need to know, or are you just teasing me?"

Damon smirked at that. "Much as I love to do that, this is actually something that you should know, because I think you had a hand in it."

_When they finally come what'll you do to them? Gonna decimate them like you did to me?_

_Will you leave them stunned and stuttering?_

Elena got taken yesterday after school. God, by the time we found her… But she remembered _everything_ Ric. Everything. She told us everything that they did to her.

Mason drove up while she was walking down the street. Apparently she didn't tell anyone that she had a fucking dentist appointment, so no one was keeping an eye on her. We've had to step it up again since Katherine's gotten back into the game.

So Mason drives up, tasers the shit out of her, throws her in the back of his truck, and takes off. She woke up a few hours later locked in some random cellar on the Lockwood estate… Bastards.

So she wakes up, and Mason's there, asking her about the moonstone. You know the one that Jeremy managed to pry out of Tyler. (Alaric had been grinning at this point, but Damon knew better.) Don't even try to tell me that you knew he could manage that. _No one_ saw that coming.

Anyway, Mason's asking about the moonstone, about where _we_ hid it. And you know that she isn't one for exaggerating, so I believe every word she said. She has no clue where we put it, but she says to him "_They_ didn't put it anywhere, jackass. Jeremy's _my_ brother. Damon tried to kill him, and Stefan broke my heart. What makes you think that Jeremy would trust either of them with it?" And then Katherine comes down, and tells her that she's gonna die either way, but she still won't say why, and tells Elena that she may as well say. So Elena says "You should just kill me now, because I'm not telling you where I put it. And you have no way of finding it, because you can't even try to think like me, you bitch!"

(Damon paused here, and took a shot.) I don't know… God… If I had been there, I would have torn Mason limb from fucking limb. Katherine got all indignant and took off, so Mason took it upon himself to punish Elena. By beating the shit out of her. (Alaric blanched, his eyes wide.) She didn't go into detail about that part, just that he was really creative about it. That's when she got hurt the most I guess. Broke a couple of ribs, lost a ton of blood, broke her leg.

_When they finally come how will you handle them? Will you devastate them deliberately?_

_Cause I'm gonna guess they won't be prepared for the thousand Fahrenheit hot metal lights behind your eyes._

She passed out eventually. At this point, Caroline, Stefan and I were losing our minds trying to find her. At about five this morning, Caroline called me and Stefan saying that she'd found them, but Katherine was coming back from whatever it is she was doing, and Caroline didn't actually tell us where she was. We managed to find her though, but it took us a while, and then Katherine was there, and it was a whole big thing. Whatever, getting back to Elena, because this is what you should hear about.

So she wakes up early in the morning, and Mason's there again, and starts asking her about the moonstone again and generally got really distasteful about Stefan and I. Although, the way that Elena blushed when she told us… (Damon grinned, and Alaric gave him a look that said 'Get on with it! I don't care how whipped you are!') She plays like she's not able to move, which she really shouldn't have, man. She really fucked up her ankle. She swings her good leg out, and trips Mason up, and grabs a baseball bat that was lying around… Yeah, don't think about it too much.

Katherine's run off, Caroline's up top keeping an eye out for her, and Stefan and I come tearing down the stairs leading to the cellar. I guess Mason managed to haul his ass up, because I hear him say "Listen you cocky little bitch. You'll tell us where the goddamned moonstone is, sooner or later. You think you're so tough because you're with the Salvatore's…?" Then we heard something huge bang into the wall, and Stefan gets to the door first and he rips it open. We both run in and freeze. Elena's standing there… Standing… Covered in blood, and tears, and sweat, and dirt, looking down at Mason, and she says to him "Nuh uh Mason… The Salvatore's are with me." Then she swings the bat right into his ribs, and hits the ground."

Alaric was stunned. "Is she okay?"

Damon smiled at him, really smiled. "She'll be fine Ric." He leans in, and for a moment, Alaric really doesn't know what the vampire is about to do. Then he extends his pale hand. "Thank you. You taught her how to stay alive, and, don't ever tell anyone about this, I can't thank you enough for that."

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_That crushing crashing atom smashing white hot thing is invincible!_

There was only one thing that Elena hadn't shared about her ordeal, something that greatly added to her sense of calm and encouragement. She'd found out Katherine's secret. She knew why Katherine had come back.


	16. Invincible part 3

**The song is called Invincible, by Ok Go. ****The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

Dear Diary,

I don't really want to put here what happened in Mason's cellar. But I will write what I found out. After Mason knocked me out, I woke up and Katherine and Mason were on the other side of the door. It was so quiet, I heard everything that they said.

_So please... Use your powers for good._

_Please use your powers for good._

"Listen to me, you stupid mutt. I've had it with your excuses. She's just a little girl. Get the information out of her." It was Katherine, and she was pissed.

"I'm trying to, please Katherine…"

"Don't start Mason. You know why I need that moonstone. The moonstone breaks fucking Emily's fucking spell and then everything that I've worked for is mine again."

"But why don't you just kill her, you'll get your eternal life, that's what you want, isn't it?"

Katherine was speaking slowly to Mason, like he couldn't understand what she was saying. "Because, love, the magic that I bought before Emily fucked me over dictates that, as long as I don't kill any of my bloodline, I'm protected for eternity. I'll admit, I misunderstood Emily's stunt at first, and I thought I had to kill Elena, and it would negate her spell. But Emily actually voided the original magic until I kill the last of my line, and then the original stipulations are back in place, and the original spell is broken. So, if I get the moonstone, which you allowed to get taken in the first place, I can reverse her spell, and get _my_ life back. Get it?"

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_Invincible! You're invincible!_

_That crushing crashing atom smashing white hot thing is invincible!_

Do you get it, Diary? She won't ever actually kill me. And as long as she doesn't get the moonstone, she's still vulnerable!


	17. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude IV

**Authors Note: Lots to say here. First, I don't like this chapter. It's actually been written for a while, but I've been procrastinating on posting it. I mean, it's as well written as any of my stuff is, but it's the content. You know when you're writing, and the plot suddenly reveals itself to you, and you're stuck with it? Well, here it is. **

**That being said, IF YOU ARE PARTICULARLY SENSITIVE TO SCENES OF RAPE, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER! I will put the gist in the next chapter. Again, IF YOU ARE PARTICULARLY SENSITIVE TO SCENES OF RAPE, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER!**

**The title of the story and the lyrics include in this chapter are from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_I'll never be good enough._

_You make me wanna die._

"Psst… Elena… Are you awake yet?"

Where am I?

"Come on sweetie, I can't have any fun unless you're awake."

Is that Katherine? I'm scared to open my eyes. I try to move my arms and legs, but they're effectively bound this time. Fuck.

"Yeah, we aren't taking any chances this time. I underestimated you last time, or maybe I just put too much stock in Mason's abilities, but whatever. What's done is done, and now we've got you and we'll just wait for my boys to bring me back my stone and then I can go on with my life."

I opened my eyes and looked at her indignantly. "You sure do say 'my' a lot."

She shrugged. "Well, we could talk about you then… How about this? Have you ever been compelled?" She smirked at me as I reflexively reached for my necklace, forgetting that my arms were tied. Little matter, since she held my vervain necklace in front of face. "Yeah, check out this nifty little bauble."

I closed my eyes, and tilted my head back, willing the world around me to disappear. I really didn't want to know what she was thinking.

"Do you know what the fun thing about compulsion is? See, you have this really great self-esteem thing going. No one can touch you, right? No one but you?" I looked at her, and she wasn't smirking anymore, but there was laughter in her eyes. "How do you think you'll feel when you're the one touching yourself? Or allowing yourself to be touched?"

There were tears in my eyes, spilling down my cheeks, but they made no difference. She grabbed my face, and her eyes bore into mine. "I'm going to untie you now Elena. You won't make any noise, or try to get away. You'll wait until I give you more instructions. You'll remember everything." She unbound my limbs, and I sat still, unable to move, while a voice in my head was yelling things that I couldn't make out. She ordered me to stand, and I did.

"Now let's start with something simple while we wait for Mason to join us. Take this knife, and slice right here," she ran her fingers across the side of my neck, and I complied. She looked me in the eyes again, "You'll enjoy this." It wasn't an order; it was a promise. She tilted her head in and licked up the blood that was pouring out of my throat, before biting down gently and drinking. After the initial sting, I felt heat radiating from my neck, down into my chest and abdomen, and into my centre. One of her hands was pressed into my lower back, and the other was running lazily up and down my side. I closed my eyes and moaned. I couldn't help it. I felt her giggle into my vein as she pressed us into the wall behind me, prying my legs apart with her thigh and rubbing my core. I gasped, my eyes snapping open, and reached out for her, hooking my fingers into her belt loops, and grinding into her leg.

Her fangs retracted, and she pulled back, my blood still staining her lips, and kissed me on the mouth. My eyes fell shut again, and I kissed back, opening my mouth to allow her tongue entrance. I won't lie, it was amazing. I nipped at her lip, and she moaned into my mouth, both her hands coming to my front and fondling my breasts. I pressed back into the wall further as she kissed down the other side of my neck, and I still rubbed against her leg.

Suddenly, she pulled away and I whimpered. The voice in my head was still yelling unintelligible things, but it all felt so good that I didn't care. Through the haze I saw that Mason had entered the room, and the voice in my head redoubled its efforts to alert me to the danger. He smiled lewdly at Katherine, whose hands were still on my breasts.

"Ah Mason," Katherine began sweetly; "You can take over while I run out to grab something." She looked into my eyes again, "You'll do whatever he says." And with that, she flounced out of the room, leaving me alone with Mason, who was looking at me, licking his lips.

"Come here." I obeyed, walking over to him on shaking legs. He smiled wide, and looked at me slowly from my face to my feet, then back up again. "Take off your shirt." I did. He smirked, and let one finger graze over my collarbone, down between my breasts, and then down again to the top of my jeans. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Take off my pants, and then give me hand job."

I shivered from the feel of his breath against my ear, and reached forward without looking to unbutton his jeans. They slid down his legs as I slid my hand into his boxers and gripped him, pumping lightly at first, then harder as his breath came in pants. He reached around me with one hand, gripping my back painfully, holding my neck with his other hand as he kissed his way down my collarbone, an imitation of what Katherine had done earlier.

Suddenly, he grabbed my wrist, stopping my hand. "Get on your knees," he breathed into my neck, "And give me the best blowjob of your life."

I dropped down immediately, pulling his boxers down at the same time, and releasing his erection. As I reached behind him to grip his ass, Katherine burst into the door and tore Mason out of my grip. She threw him over the bed on the other side of the room, and leapt on him immediately. "You think, lover, that after all of your failures, I'd give you this satisfaction?" And with that, she reached down and twisted his head off his neck.

After a moment, she turned back around to me again as I sat, still on my knees, staring at her. "Now, where were we?" She smiled at me, "Get over to the bed." I walked over to it, and she came behind me, wrapping her right arm around my waist once I'd reached the foot, and began unbuttoning my jeans. Her hand dipped into my pants, over my panties, and whispered breathily into my neck, "I think I need to get you out of these wet things."

She pulled her hand out slowly, making sure to graze my folds and my clit. My legs were shaking as she circled me, and flopped down onto the bed, eyeing me and biting her lip. "Take off your jeans." I shimmied out of them, leaving them pooled on the floor. I was standing in front of her in nothing but my bra and panties. She licked her lips.

"Now," she began, leaning forward in anticipation, "Kneel on the bed," I did, "Reach down into your panties, and run a finger through your folds and massage your clit." I did, moaning at my own touch, and gasping as I circled my clit. My eyes focused on Katherine as she crawled closer, continuing the abandoned trail of hot kisses down my collarbone, and between my breasts. Her tongue darted out and traced the skin around the edge of my bra. Before I could take another shaky breath, she had torn it off, and was sucking on one nipple, teasing the other with her hand. Very soon my thighs began to shake so much that she noticed. She pulled back, looking me in the eyes again, and ordered me to lie down.

In an instant, she was naked. She crawled over top of me, her breasts hovering over my face, and one hand reaching down between my legs. She didn't even say anything this time, and I reached up to offer her breasts the ministrations that she had bestowed on me. My teeth clamped down on her unexpectedly when she pressed one finger inside of me. I groaned long and loud when she began pumping in and out with two fingers, and fell back into the pillows when she added a third.

She moved down a little, kissing my lips lightly, before meeting my eyes again. "When I say so, I want you to do exactly what I do."

She crawled down my body, her thighs on either side of my head. Blowing hot breath over my core, she suddenly ripped off my panties, and dipped her tongue in to taste my juices. "Now Elena," she breathed. I licked her slit, swallowing the wetness I found there.

What followed was one of the most intense experiences of my life. She licked, I licked. She sucked, I sucked. She bit, I bit. Before I knew it, we were synchronised down to our panting. She ran her tongue around my hole, and I did the same to her. Then, without notice, she drove her three fingers into me again, still sucking on my clit. I followed suit. She moaned, and the vibrations caused me to gasp. She quirked her fingers and I saw stars. I wondered if she felt the same when I quirked my fingers the same way, and she screamed. We continued sucking and pumping into each other, and I could feel her muscles tense around my fingers. I groaned, purposefully vibrating against her bundle of nerves, and then I lost it. I screamed as she slumped forward, riding out her orgasm as I rode out mine.

I was speaking nonsense when I realized that she had crawled back up to face me. "You're free now."

I felt a tension in my head alleviate, and blacked out.

When I awoke hours later, I was back at the boarding house in Caroline's room. Katherine was dead, and the moonstone destroyed.

So was I.


	18. Bombyx part 1

**Authors Note: So, I've never actually been raped, or known anyone who's been raped, thank God. So my description of Elena's changed behaviour over the next few songs isn't actually based on anything that I've experienced, and is probably not at all that close to how an actual survivor would react. ****That being said, her new self is important to the plot, and is caused by something which will be revealed later.**

**The song used now is called Bombyx by a french-Canadian band called Konflit Dramatik. I've translated the lyrics, and used my background in french linguistics to change the rather vague pronouns to feminine. **

**The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

**Review: Elena is kidnapped by Katherine, and compelled to perform sexual acts with her. Mason joins in, and Katherine kills him for his repeated failures before continuing with Elena. After they're finished, Katherine releases Elena from the compulsion, and Elena blacks out. When she comes to, she is asleep in Caroline's room at the boarding house. Katherine's dead, the moonstone is destroyed, and so is Elena.**

_Dans ma mémoire, je peux les voir. (In my memory, I can see them.)_

Of the three vampires of Team Salvatore (as I've forced everyone to refer to us as), I am by far the weakest. I'm young, and I'm whiny, and I don't know anything compared to the brothers. But I've definitely made a contribution to our cause. I'm the one who found Elena.

It was the worst moment of my existence, seeing her there, bruised and bloody and naked on a bed, with Katherine drinking from her throat. It could have been worse I guess; There are bite marks all over Elena's body, and I'm glad that I didn't walk in while she was drinking from inside of her thigh. Wow, I just realized what that could have meant, and from the evidence, I'm glad I missed that too.

It could have been worse. I could have been Elena.

_Dans ma tête, dans ma tête, dans ma tête j'entends encore les bombes tomber! (In my head, In my head, In my head I still hear them drop the bombs!)_

Damon and Stefan finally sucked it up and let us bring her to the hospital. I told them that she needed actual medical attention, and not just a shot of vampire blood. They have no idea… At least this way, we don't have to make up excuses to Jenna.

Jenna looked almost as sick as I felt. I say almost because, I mean, what could compare to walking in to find your best friend being raped and tortured?


	19. Bombyx part 2

**The song used now is called Bombyx by a french-Canadian band called Konflit Dramatik. I've translated the lyrics, and used by background in french linguistics to change the rather vague pronouns to feminine. **

**The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Dans mes pensées, ils sont ressuscités (In my thoughts, they're resurrected)_

Elena's at the boarding house now. She told Jenna that she couldn't bear to be in her room alone yet, and I promised to stay with her. Plus, Damon's been working hard at getting on Jenna's good side, so she actually sees him as a responsible adult now.

A while ago, the school had offered this trauma management seminar for students, and I went. Hell, I was the coordinator! So I knew that what had to happen next would be the hardest and most helpful thing I could do. As Elena lay in my bed, and I sat on a chair next to her (she has boundary issues now, but… duh?), she sobbed out everything that Mason and Katherine did to her. But what surprised me most, honestly, wasn't the depths to which they went to make Elena suffer… It was the guilt that Elena felt about it.

_Dans ma tête, dans ma tête, dans ma tête, j'entends encore les bombes tomber! (In my head, In my head, In my head I still hear them drop the bombs!)_

"Ah, honey, what could you possibly have to feel guilty about?" I asked as her body convulsed with sobs.

"I… Oh God Caroline you can't ever…" I nodded, and she continued in a small voice. "I enjoyed it. Yeah, they compelled me to do… what I did… But they didn't force me to like it. How does that… How could I… I did this! I let this happen Caroline!"

At this point, I was sobbing too, incapable of believing what she was telling me.

"Elena, listen to me. You didn't have a choice. What Katherine did… She played you against yourself. I remember when Damon," Elena's eyes flashed, and I didn't know what to make of it, so I kept talking, "When Damon compelled me, it was like everything else, everything negative that I should have felt just left. I mean, what he did to me isn't anything close to what they did to you, but…"

I sat there as she cried herself to sleep, wishing that vampires could have some kind of superpower to make this stuff go away, because compulsion was definitely not an option.


	20. Bombyx part 3

**The song used now is called Bombyx by a french-Canadian band called Konflit Dramatik. I've translated the lyrics, and used by background in french linguistics to change the rather vague pronouns to feminine. **

**The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_C'est dans sa tête, son imaginaire se paie la fête. (It's in her head, her imagination's running wild.)_

Coming down the stairs, I see Damon and Stefan pacing around the living room. The looks on their faces confirmed what I'd already suspected: They'd both heard Elena's hysterical confession. For a moment, we all stared at each other, absorbing what had happened.

Stefan was the first to speak. "Is she -?"

"She's sleeping, finally. God, she needs it." I sat on the bottom stair, rubbing my eyes.

"I can't imagine how –," I cut Stefan off with my hand.

_C'est ça qu'ils veulent lui faire croire. Mais dans son coeur il sait la vérité derrière l'histoire. (It's what they want her to believe, but in her heart she knows the truth behind the lies.)_

"No Stefan, you really can't. And Damon, I know what you're thinking over there, that you were both manipulated by Katherine too. But this goes way beyond what she did to you, and what you did to me." At least Damon had the decency to look stricken by my last accusation. "I'm really the only one who could really come close, and even then, I have no idea." I buried my face in my hands.

I heard a loud bang, and when I looked up, Damon was dusting bits of wall off of his sleeve, and there was a hole where there had once been a picture. I wondered idly where the picture had gone. I immediately felt guilty for thinking about something so petty, and chastised myself for being so shallow, again.

Damon was looking at the floor, frowning. "I don't understand."

Stefan answered him. "About what exactly? About how Katherine could do this? Or why?"

"Why we can't empathize."

I drew a deep breath, and heaved myself off the stairs. "Because you're men. Because you don't know what it's like every day to live your life and know that you're always on display. Men never really get it, but women… It's like that all the time. Like we're there to be taken. And when it happens, when they take you…" We all looked up the stairs subconsciously, and then I continued slowly. "Guys, what Katherine did to you… Your feelings were there, right? She didn't actually compel you into any of that. It was the scary stuff that she messed with you about. You made your own choice to align yourself with her."

_Un moment de gloire suivi du "Notre Père", (A moment of glory, followed by "Our Father",)_

"I wouldn't say we had a choice…" Stefan mumbled under his breath.

"Well, it was. It was more of a choice than… Anyways, Damon," I looked right at him, and he met my eyes. This moment had been coming for a while. "When you did what you did me, when I was still human, I thought you were so hot, and I was beyond excited that you had chosen me. I remember rubbing it in Elena's face that I got the other brother. So even though you used your powers to take advantage of the fact that I was young, and insecure, and so needy, the choice was there. All the shitty stuff that you did had nothing to do with the sex. Not that it was okay, but at least it wasn't _that_."

There were a few moments of silence while everyone digested what I said. It was a neat, knowing that people were really thinking about what I was saying.

_Dans sa mémoire il ne voit que l'horreur. (In her memory, she sees only horror.) _

This time, Stefan broke the silence. "Do you think that she'll ever talk about it again? Will she be okay?"

"I don't know. If she does talk about it, I doubt it would be to either of you anytime soon. No offence. And I think she'll be okay, but she'll never go back to how she was before. She feels so guilty about it, and violated, and… It seems like she's been destroyed. But I think, if anyone can come back from this, it'll be her. I think we just need to give her some room to breathe, and make sure that you're really careful about not forcing her to do anything, from hugging her, to patting her on the shoulder."

_Il aimerait tant dévoiler son secret, mais il sera discret. (She'd love to tell her secret, but she'll be discreet.)_

They both nodded, and then returned to pacing the living room again. I turned and went back up the stairs. Elena would be okay, I knew that. But I just didn't know what to expect when she woke up.


	21. Bombyx part 4

**The song used now is called Bombyx by a french-Canadian band called Konflit Dramatik. I've translated the lyrics, and used by background in french linguistics to change the rather vague pronouns to feminine. **

**The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_Dans ma mémoire je peux les voir (In my memory, I can see them)_

As Elena healed, physically, mentally, and emotionally, Caroline began to feel vindicated in her choice to bring her best friend to the hospital. The counselling that she was receiving not only helped her to deal with what she had suffered at Katherine's hands, from the rape to the systematic psychological attacks that the vampire had subjected her to, but also with some lingering emotions that Elena had suppressed after the accident that had killed her parents almost two years before.

At night though, she still had nightmares, and woke up terrified until Jeremy, who always heard her struggling, would come into her room and hold her hand while she fell back to sleep.

_Dans mes pensées, ils sont rescusités (In my thoughts, they're resurrected)_

As she went about her life, Elena found that, although she was never quite okay, each day was easier than the one before it. She started to gain her confidence back, but her approach to others was different, colder. Her friends all noticed it, Damon particularly. For months, she avoided him and Stefan as much as possible, which he attributed to reminders of Katherine, although he hated that he could have that effect on her.

And when he sat outside her window at night, and he heard her heart rate speed up, and she woke up crying, his heart clenched, and he gripped the side of the house so hard that he actually shattered a part of the window frame inadvertently.

_Dans ma tête dans ma tête dans ma tête j'entends encore les bombes tomber! (In my head, In my head, In my head, I still hear them drop the bombs!)_

And as Elena continued to live her life, as much like a normal teenager as she could, she developed a taste for using the boys around her, getting what she needed, and then dropping them. For some, like Matt, it was for friendship and a shoulder to lean on. For others, like a new boy name Timz, it was for nothing more or less than sex.

After each sexual encounter, Elena began noticing things. Just little things, like dropping something and grabbing it before it hit the floor, or being able to see better in the dark as she was sneaking back home after spending hours in the back seat of Timz' car. These little things stayed at the back of her mind, but she never told anyone about them.

But when she and Timz parted at the end of the night, and she fell into bed, sated, she relived her worst Katherine-related memories, trying desperately to escape in myriad ways, but never quite managing to.


	22. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude V

**Authors Note: Oh boy! Back to Delena, finally! It's gonna get quite a bit lighter from here, and from here until after the next 2 songs, it's all happening within about 24 hours. Actually, this next little bit was one of the first things that I imagined when I started this story, so I'm really excited to finally get it out!**

**The title of the story is from the song by The Pretty Reckless. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for sexual content, and potentially dark themes in the future. **

**I do not own the rights to The Vampire Diaries, or to any of the music within this story.**

_And everything you love will burn up in the light, _

Given Elena's new, rather promiscuous behaviour, Damon spent a considerable amount of time drinking. He drank at home, he drank at Alaric's, he had glasses of wine with Jenna while Elena was out, allowing the woman to talk to someone about all of her fears and concerns regarding her niece, and knowing that, if necessary, Damon would help her do what needed to be done. He drank alone, and he drank with company, and, on that particular evening, he was drinking at The Grill.

He was jolted out of his stupor when a raucous crowd of high school boys invaded the place. Damon got up to leave, but spotted one face that changed his mind: Timz.

"What the fuck kind of name is 'Timz' anyway?" he murmured to himself, ordering another scotch on the rocks for himself, and listening in.

"So how did you do it, man? How did you wander into town, and manage to bag the hottest chick at school?"

"Hey, don't ask him that. It wasn't anything _he_ did. You know that she has a thing for new kids."

"Listen boys, I won't share my secrets, but let me tell you," he paused for effect, and Damon found himself moving a little closer, "She wants me so bad. She said she's stuck in the house tonight and tomorrow, because of her aunt and that Salvatore kid's brother, but she's gonna sneak out to meet me, and believe me, it'll be worth her while." The group emitted various sounds of approval, and clinked their glasses. "I'll have her screaming for more, and we'll just see what she does to earn it."

Disgusted, Damon jumped off his seat, knocking it over and storming past the group, shoving the one closest to him, and causing a table's worth of beverages to be spilled all over Timz.

"Do him some good to put some ice on it at least," growled Damon on his way out of the restaurant, his mind racing with new and dark plans for exactly what Timz would be getting when Elena tried to sneak out to meet him.


	23. Animals part 1

**Authors Note: YES! I love this song, and I love this whole part, and I just love it. Thanks for everyone who has story/author alerted, favourited, or reviewed this fic. Songfics are tough sometimes, trying to balance story and using the song appropriately. **

**The song used is called Animals by Nickelback. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes. **

_I'm driving black on black, just got my license back, I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track._

I spent the evening (or rather, most of the day) drinking, which really wasn't making my mood any better as I sped to the Gilbert home, growling the whole way, replaying Timz' words from the night before in my head.

I knew that Elena wouldn't want me to interfere. She would insist that this was her life, and her choice, and all that crap that fucking Caroline and the fucking counsellor were encouraging her to say. But that was too goddamned bad, because I'm the one who's in love with her, and I'm the one who's protecting her, no matter what she thinks.

I knew then that I was fucked.

_I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight._

Elena had been avoiding me. Hell, she hadn't spoken to me properly in months. And in those months, I realized what I am. I can change for her, go against my nature for her. But when it comes to anyone else, I'm still that same bloodthirsty, ruthless, violent monster. I'm still an animal.

As I drove, I indulged in some dark fantasies about what I would do to that fucking Timz kid the second I caught him lay one finger on Elena. My mouth watered at the thought of the amount of blood that I would spill as I tore him limb from disgusting hormonal limb.

_I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out. I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run._

I parked down the road from Elena's. I would wait in the shadows in the yard, watching her window for signs of an escape attempt, and wait until Timz pulled up, and tear his car door off and… I swore as I watched Elena prance across her front lawn, and into the still moving vehicle rolling in front of her house.

_Your mom don't know that you were missing; She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing._

I looked up at the window that Elena had snuck out from, and saw Jenna's bedroom lamp on, meaning that she had dozed off early. God dammit! This is why I never trust anyone!

I leapt back into my car and flew after them, wincing every time their car swerved, trying not to imagine why exactly the driver would be losing control like that. My fangs elongated and a long low growl emitted from my throat.

_Screamin' No, we're never gonna quit, ain't nothing wrong with it, just acting like we're animals!_

"Stefan, where are you?"

"I'm at home with Caroline, we're doing -."

"Get the hell out of there! I'll be back soon."

_No, no matter where we go, 'cause everybody knows we're just a couple of animals!_

"Why? Damon, what's wrong?"

Another growl. "Nothing. But whatever happens, there shouldn't be witnesses to this."

_So come on baby, get in. Get in, just get in. Check out the trouble we're in!_

I hadn't lost control like this for a while. Not since Caroline found Elena, and Stefan and I went to town destroying every last vestige of Katherine's body. It felt good to let the beast out. Elena had no idea what she was in for.


	24. Animals part 2

**The song used is called Animals by Nickelback. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_You're beside me on the seat, got your hand between my knees, and you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze._

Elena leapt into Timz' still-moving car, sliding across the seat, and immediately pressing her lips to the boy's neck. He chuckled in approval, and sped up a little as her hands danced down his torso and between his legs.

As she lightly bit his bottom lip, and he swerved the car a little, she realized how dangerous it was to be carrying on like this while he was driving, or at all. Her friends and family had made their feelings about Timz perfectly clear, but she couldn't control it. She needed what he had to offer.

_It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear. But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears._

She smiled a little, the uncontrollable force inside of her taking over. She unzipped his fly and her hand slid into his boxers, cupping his hardening erection, before stroking it lightly, then harder and harder as she breathed into his neck, causing him to continue swerving all over the road. She smirked, nipping at his earlobe, before removing her hand slowly…

_By now, no doubt that we were heading south. I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth._

She leaned down and took his length into her mouth, swirling her tongue over the tip, and rubbing his thighs with her hands. She hummed a little every time he moaned, causing the vibrations the run up his body, jerking his white-knuckled hands on the steering wheel.

_'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch, it felt so good I almost drove into the ditch._

Elena bobbed her head, sucking and swirling, as Timz' moans turned to screams. He slammed on the break, swerving the car into a deserted parking lot. Elena peeled herself off of him, only to straddle him, grinding while she jerked him off, kissing him passionately.

_I'm screamin' No, we're never gonna quit, ain't nothing wrong with it, just acting like we're animals!_

Timz pulled Elena's shirt over her head, and groped at her lace-covered breasts. She threw her head back and moaned as his hands travelled lower, and he bit at her nipples through the fabric. He ran his hands up her skirt, and his cock twitched when he realized that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

_No, no matter where we go, 'cause everybody knows we're just a couple of animals!_

Elena knew that people (Damon in particular) were against her new behaviour. She had been avoiding him, but he made it very clear to her at every chance how he felt about her choices. But ever since Katherine had taken her, she had been filled with this hunger that wouldn't abate.

_So come on baby, get in. Get in, just get in. Check out the trouble we're in!_

"Ah…. Elena shouldn't we… Mmmmm…. Get into the back seat?"

"Shut up and… gah…."


	25. Animals part 3

**The song used is called Animals by Nickelback. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_We were parked out by the tracks, we're sitting in the back, and we just started getting busy when she whispered "what was that?"_

Timz was grunting as he thrust into Elena, when she covered his mouth with her hand.

"Sh…"

"Mm mm!"

"Shut up! What's that?"

_The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are. And that was when she started screamin' "That's my dad outside the car!"_

He kissed the inside of her palm. "Nothing, it's just the trees or something, who the fuck cares? Come on!"

"No… It's… OH SHIT!"

_Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition! Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions._

No sooner had the words left her mouth than the passenger door was torn off its hinges, and a hand on the back of her neck hauled her out of the car.

"Damon!"

He didn't answer, just threw open the door to his car and threw her in, followed by his coat.

"Don't look."

_I guess they knew that she was missing. As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing!_

Timz had fallen backwards out of his side of the car, and managed to tuck himself back in and start to run before Damon got to him. He was lifted up by his scalp, and thrown into the nearest tree.

"Oh fuck! OH FUCK! I'm gonna die! Salvatore, I swear I wasn't…" Damon shut him up by backhanding him across his face, sending him sprawling to the ground. The vampire fell onto the boy, and was briefly distracted by the blood flowing from his nose, before administering a painful shot to his ribs.

Damon grabbed Timz' chin and looked him in the eyes. "Elena got tired of you. She said that you sucked and blew your load way too fucking fast. She's too good for you. You got all weepy and upset and ran off, then face planted into that tree. She never wants to talk to you again."

Then he kicked him in the groin for good measure before blurring back to his car.

_Screamin' No, we're never gonna quit, ain't nothing wrong with it, just acting like we're animals!_

"You asshole! You complete FUCKING asshole!"

"You'll get over it."

"No, I won't. You can't just waltz in and go all vamp attack whenever I do something that you don't like! Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm trying to keep you safe, Elena, and you probably shouldn't be ANTAGONISING ME WHEN THERE'S BLOOD ON MY HANDS AND I'M THIS CLOSE TO FUCKING LOSING IT!"

_No, no matter where we go, 'cause everybody knows we're just a couple of animals!_

"What are you going to do Damon, huh? Push me out of the moving vehicle? Do whatever it is you just did to Timz?"

All he did was hit the gas, remaining silent until they had pulled into the driveway of the boarding house.

_So come on baby, get in. We're just a couple animals! Get in, just get in. There's nothing wrong with it! Check out the trouble we're in! Get in, just get in!_

Both of them knew that something vital had changed that night. They had both crossed a line. And now, they had to deal with the consequences.


	26. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude VI

**Authors Note: Yeah, between this and the last chapter, maybe my favourite thing to write in a long time. Boiling point! Boiling point!**

**Also, I think that the line when Damon tells Elena not to piss him off when he has blood on his hands may have been the best part of that last song. Just sayin...**

**The story title and lyrics are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everytime I look inside your eyes, you make wanna die._

The door slammed open, causing both Caroline and Stefan, who really didn't feel like it would be a good decision to leave Damon alone in this mood, to jump, wary of what would happen next.

"Alright Damon, am I allowed to talk to you now? Or should I let you go wash the blood off first?"

Damon just clenched his jaw and scowled at her.

"Do not look at me like I'm being ridiculous! I'm being _hysterical_, there's a difference, and I'm COMPLETELY within my rights to be a little pissed off right now!"

"Fine, if you're allowed to be pissed off, then how about me? I get to sit there, and watch you gallivant around with a parade of boys, and then this douchebag who is just beyond a waste of space…"

"You stupid sonofabitch! What makes you think that you have any right –"

"I don't know, maybe because I'm not an IDIOT TEENAGER who can't see past her fucking hormones to know that this ass-hat was a BAD IDEA!"

Damon spun on his heel and went straight for his liquor, Elena hot on his trail.

"Oh, right, because you're Mr. Level-headed… Why do you seem to think that what you have to say has ANY effect on me?"

"As your FRIEND, it should. And if you won't listen to me, I'll just call Jenna, my new BFF."

"You wouldn't."

Damon shut his eyes, as though, if he kept them shut long enough, all his problems would just disappear. When he opened them, he looked at Elena with a disturbing calmness. "You have no idea the lengths that I would go to, if it meant protecting you." He stopped talking for a moment, then scowled. "And this isn't about what I have to say, little girl. I _heard_ Timz, which is an idiotic douchebag name, bragging about you, in not so nice terms. Is that what you want, some little punk who doesn't appreciate you?"

Neither of them noticed Stefan and Caroline slowly edge off the couch, and out of the room.

"I'm not looking for a hero right now Damon, I'm –"

"Oh yes, I'm so sorry. I misunderstood your motives. Well, if you just want to get your rocks off, why don't you give Stefan another try, I'm sure he'd –," he was interrupted by his younger brother.

"HEY! Leave me out of this!" Stefan walked over and stood between them, looking at Damon. "Whatever kind of love-and-hate bullshit you two have going on, don't drag me into it. And Elena," he turned around, "I'll be just upstairs if you need anything."

When Stefan had left the room, Damon continued. "Fine, don't want Stefan; take the blond guy, the quarterback."

"Hey!" came a squeaked objection from Caroline. "Leave Matt out of this too!" She made to leave the room, but turned around. "I'm going over to Bonnie's. You two had better be done when I get back." And with that, she left, slamming the door behind her. Damon's eyes had never left Elena's face.

"Or the Lockwood kid. That's the point to which I don't care who you do, just don't do this asshole!"

Elena glared at Damon, her hands on her hips. "What, you don't want shot?"

Damon was momentarily speechless, then he took a step forward, so that he and Elena were touching. He could hear her heartbeat speed up and he leaned down, looking directly into her eyes. "Careful little girl. You have no idea what you're playing with." And with that he stepped back, grabbed his glass, and tried to walk away.

There was a moment where the whole house was silent. Caroline (who was still outside the door eavesdropping) and Stefan (who was upstairs, also eavesdropping) had given up any other pretence to listen in on the proceedings in the living room.

"Damon…." Elena called for him, no trace of her recent anger in her voice. He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, I'd do anything to keep you safe."

Elena walked in front of him, and gripped his arm, looking into his eyes. "I need the truth Damon. Are you still in love with me?"

He smiled at her, a sad, sweet smile that looked utterly foreign on his face.

"There's no still about it. I was in love with you, but I didn't see who you really were. Then I did, and I fell in love with you all over again."

Her breath caught in her throat, but her voice was steady. "I don't know what you want here, but I'm not –"

"I know." He smiled at her, then stepped around her and kept walking. "And don't think that you can sneak out back to the idiot. He really won't be doing much physical activity for a while."

Elena smirked, a look disturbingly similar to that adorning Damon's face most of the time, and flopped down on the couch, completely at a loss as to what to do next.


	27. Lover I Don't Have To Love part 1

**Authors Note: Couple things: First, we're kind of dipping in to some of the reason behind what Elena's been doing since Katherine. Second, I'm gay, so writing sex scenes between men and women is a little foreign, so I hope that it comes out okay. Third, SMUT!**

**The song used is called Lover I Don't Have To Love by Bettie Serveert. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

I had dozed off on the Salvatore's couch, wearing only my skirt and bra, covered with Damon's jacket. A nudge on the shoulder woke me up. I blinked sleepily, my eyes meeting Stefan's.

"Hey," he said softly, "I brought you some clothes out of Caroline's room, if you're staying over."

"Oh… Thanks…" I went to the bathroom to change into the tank top and sweatpants, and when I came out, Stefan was leaning against the wall outside the door. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a loud bang and the sound of broken glass from upstairs.

I sighed. "I should probably go talk to him…"

"Are you sure that's safe? He's still pretty riled up."

I sighed. "Well, if he's angry, then at least he's feeling something. I should probably get in there before the wall goes back up."

Stefan grabbed my arm as I made my way toward the stairs. "Are you really willing to put your life at risk to get your point across?"

_I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you._

I knocked lightly at Damon's door, shifting my weight from one foot to the other nervously. I bit my lip as I pushed the door open. "Damon?"

He'd thrown himself onto his bed with his hands over his eyes. "I walked away. That means 'Leave me alone.'" He cracked open one eye, and watched me fidgeting in the corner. "What's wrong with you?"

If only I knew. It felt like there was constantly fire running through my veins, and when it got bad…

I stopped bouncing for a second, then shifted and restarted. "I don't… I've just been really antsy lately." He was being relatively civil, so I took it as an invitation. "I owe you an apology."

_Said I liked your shoes. You said "Thanks can I follow you?"_

He frowned a little, confused. "For what?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm just curious about what _you_ think is worthy of an apology."

I shuffled forward, and sat down on the foot of his bed. "I've been acting like a bitch. I've known for a long time how you feel… about me, and I've been treating you… horribly. At first, I tried to ignore it, then I tried to ignore you, and you're just trying to help me. I get that. And I'm sorry."

He blinked a few times. "Apology accepted." Then he eyed me up and down, and smirked. "Now, you can get back to your slumber party with Caroline." He waved a dismissive hand at me, and closed his eyes again.

_Now it's up the stairs and out of view, no prying eyes._

After a few moments, he seemed to realize that I wasn't leaving. "Yes?"

I bit my lip, looking anywhere but at Damon. He snickered when he noticed that I was still fidgeting.

"I… Ugh, never mind, I'll just go." I got up and headed for the door.

A sigh from behind me froze me in my tracks. "What is it?" Damon asked.

I kept facing the door. "It's embarrassing."

Damon got up, and before I knew it, he was right behind me. "Elena," he put his hands on my shoulders, and a jolt of heat exploded from where his stray fingertips grazed my bare arms. I turned around, and he continued, "I just hauled you out of a car, mid-coitus, and beat the shit out of the kid that you were screwing. I think we've crossed an embarrassment line."

_I poured some wine. When I asked your name, you asked the time._

I exhaled, letting out a relieved giggle. We made our way back to the bed, and sat down. "Um… So, since Katherine, I've been noticing some changes." He snorted. I rolled my eyes at him and continued. "I'm…. It's just that I'm… Well…"

Damon's eyes dropped, and he covered my hand with his own. I could feel my eyes haze over, and I jumped back, pulling my hand with me.

"See, it has to do with that. I'm just… I'm…" I knew I was red now, and I stared determinedly at the floor. "I want sex, like, all the time."

_Now it's 2 o'clock. The club is closed, we're up the block._

Damon shot up off the bed and blurred to the other side of the room. "Elena…," he growled out.

"No, Damon, I know that this is practically emotional blackmail but…" I had followed him, and pressed my hand up against his cheek. "I think that we've reached a breaking point. And I think that I understand where you're coming from now, because there's this overwhelming urge inside of me that just needs me to take what I want from anyone around me, and… I need it from you."

I knew what I was doing was wrong; I could feel the heat flow from my hand into his skin, and I knew the effect that it would have on him. It wasn't right, but I had to know.

His eyes were closed, but he was still speaking. "Elena, I can't…." I felt his breathe tickle the inside of my wrist, and I smiled.

"Plus, as you mentioned earlier, you sort of interrupted me…" I smirked and watched his resolve falter. I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips.

_Your hands on me, pressing hard against your jeans._

Before I knew what was happening, Damon lifted me off my feet, and I landed on his bed. He was pressed onto me, kissing me back so hard that I could feel my lips bruise. I hooked my fingers into the loops of his jeans, and he ran his hand down my side, stopping at my hip, lifting my leg around his waist. I let my hands drift under his shirt to stroke his abs.

_Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out._

Damon's forehead pressed against mine, and I felt his lips break away. "I guess you're right, I do owe you."

Why was he talking? He wasn't supposed to talk, he was supposed to shut me up, and take me. I pulled his face back down to mine, pried his lips apart with my tongue. He was hesitant for a moment, and then he leaned back a little, and pulled my hands from around his neck, holding them down above my head. I responded by lifting my body off the mattress and pressing it flush against his.

His lips moved down my throat, placing gentle kisses here and there before nipping playfully at my pulse point. He let go of my hands, and they were immediately at the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. He leaned back, allowing me to slide his shirt over his head. I looked at him, kneeling over me, and I knew that we were about to cross another line tonight.

_You didn't care to know who else may have been here before._

He dropped back down, running his hands under my shirt, and exhaling cool air into my neck when he reached my braless chest. He sat me up, and pulled off Caroline's tank top, then set me back down on the pillows.

He kissed his way down my chest, and pulled a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it and massaging it with his tongue, while he fondled my other breast with his hand. I dug my nails into his back when I felt his tongue make its way down my stomach. When he reached the top of my sweatpants, Damon hesitated.

_I want a lover I don't have to love. I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk._

I met his eyes, and my hands made their way down my body, under the pants, sliding them down. Damon pulled them off the rest of the way, his eyes following my hands as they slowly made their way back up my body and above my head to grip the headboard. He growled, and bent my knees, then kissed his way up one thigh, then the other.

I could feel myself getting wet as he approached my center, and when he took my clit into his mouth, I let out a loud moan and gripped his hair. I felt the vibrations of his laughter rock into me, and a shudder rolled through my body. His tongue slipped inside of me, and my hips jolted upward. He reached back and spread my legs wider.

_Where's the kid with the chemicals? I thought I'd meet him here but I'm not sure._

My breathing was coming faster and faster, and he suddenly thrust a finger inside of me, bending it quickly. I moaned.

I could feel my climax coming. Damon sucked on my clit again, then pressed two fingers inside of me, bending them. My legs clamped around his head as my moan became a scream.

I pulled him by the hair back up to my face, kissing him hard while he drove his fingers in as deep as he could.

_I got the money if you got the time. You said it feels good. I said, "I'll give it a try."_I quickly unbuttoned his jeans, and thrust my hand around his cock, pumping slowly, then faster, in time with his fingers.

I came, slicing my nails down his back, before feeling him empty himself into my other hand.

For a brief moment, I saw nothing.


	28. Lover I Don't Have To Love part 2

**The song used is called Lover I Don't Have To Love by Bettie Serveert. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Then my mind went dark. We both forgot where your car was parked._

When I blinked my sight back, I felt Damon's weight pinning me to the bed. He was still inside me, so I pulled his hand up to my mouth, and kissed his fingertips, before sucking them briefly. I felt him twitch between my legs.

"Elena…"

"Sh," I pressed a finger to his mouth, "We aren't done yet."

_So let's take the train, I'll meet up with the band in the morning._

I held his head in my hands and kissed him gently on his lips, using my legs to slide his jeans the rest of the way off. Then I rolled us over and sat on his stomach. I leaned down and captured his lips again, raking my nails across his nipples.

He gasped. "Elena, are you sure you want to keep going?"

I leaned down, nipping at his earlobe and breathing out, "Do you want me to stop?"

_Bad actors, with bad habits. Some sad singers, they just play tragic._

His arms wrapped around my back, holding me to him. I kissed him again, before sliding down, avoiding contact with his shaft until I was sitting between his knees. I kissed his tip, and then licked up his length. I felt his hand graze my head before he changed his mind and gripped the sheets. I took him into my mouth in one swoop, pressing him into the top of my throat, and moaning, sending the vibrations through his body, and causing him to moan in turn.

_And the phone's ringing, and the band's leaving._

I heard him hiss out my name, so I went faster, gripping his hips with my nails. One of his hands weaved its way through my hair. I felt the heat under my skin turn to electricity, and the wind outside picked up.

With a strangled cry, Damon came into my mouth, and I swallowed instinctively, still sucking on him for a few more moments before placing another kiss on his tip, licking and nipping my way back up his body.

_Let's just keep touching... Let's just... keep on singing._

I straddled him, cupping his face with one hand and pulling his hand between my legs with the other. His eyes followed my hand down, and darkened as I guided his hand through my dampened folds. I grinned at him, then leaned into his ear, and said desperately, "Again."

He sat up suddenly, kissing me hard and sucking at my lips. I broke away from his mouth, biting my way down his neck. I wondered idly whether it would leave marks, and realized that I didn't care. I wrapped his arms around my back and he pulled me tightly against him.

_I want a lover I don't have to love. I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk._

His mouth made contact with my neck, and he sucked on the skin there, hard. I gasped, and ran my nails down his chest again. Finally, his hands gripped my hips, and moved me over his shaft. I nodded at him, meeting his eyes. He lay back down, then pulled me down onto him, and thrust upward at the same time. We both shouted.

_Yeah, where's the kid with the chemicals? I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full._

I threw my head back, and ground my hips down to match each of his thrusts. His hands were holding my hips hard, and I knew there would be bruises there. I dropped forward a little, one hand on either side of his head. He shifted, gaining a new angle, making me scream a little with each drive into me.

Even with him inside me, I had to keep touching him. My hands wandered aimlessly across his torso before I kissed him roughly. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, and I only broke off to breathe the word, "More."

_I need a meaning I can memorize. The kind I have always seems to slip my mind._

He held my hips completely still, and drove into me harder and faster. With each thrust I saw a burst of colour in front of my eyes.

_But you…_

One of his thumbs found my clit, and he rubbed over it once, twice, and then I fell off the planet in an explosion of colour, and the sound of Damon roaring.


	29. Lover I Don't Have To Love part 3

**The song used is called Lover I Don't Have To Love by Bettie Serveert. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

I woke up. It was hours later. The house was quiet, and Damon's room was dark, but out the window I could see the sky lightening; it was almost morning. I was sleeping on my stomach, pinned down by one of Damon's legs. I tried to slide over and felt pain shooting through my back and between my legs. My surprised gasp woke him up.

_You write such pretty words. But life's no story book._

"Elena… What are you…?"

I had rolled onto my side, and pressed a finger to his mouth, quietening him. The familiar burning under my skin was back, and I knew that we didn't have much time left before reality set in, and we'd have to deal with the consequences. I kissed him softly, and he hesitated for a moment before knitting his fingers into my hair and kissing back. I pulled him over me, and ran my hands up and down his back softly.

_Love's an excuse to get hurt. And to hurt..._

I felt him harden, and then slide into me. I wouldn't let him go; I kissed him hard, holding his face to mine as he slowly thrust in and out of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist to encourage him to go harder, faster, but he continued at his frustratingly slow pace.

"Please Damon…"

_Do you like to hurt? I do, I do. _

I felt him smirk against my mouth, and I shook my head, pulling his face back to look him in the eyes. "I need to feel you, one more time, please Damon. Go hard, or make it hurt, anything, just make me feel it."

He frowned, unable to understand why I would want this. I didn't even understand why I wanted this, only that I needed it.

Without warning, he pulled out of me, flipped me over, and bit into my back. I cried out and gripped the sheets. When he pulled back, he put his hands on my hips, and whispered into my ear, "Get on your hands and knees." I did.

_Then hurt me! Then hurt me!_

He was on his knees behind me, running his hands up my thighs, over my hips, his fingertips dancing across my ribs, and pausing to fondle my breasts while he sucked at the wound on my back. Then his hands travelled down my arms to my wrists, and he guided them up to the headboard.

"Hold here tightly." I nodded.

He ran his hands down my back, leaned down to kiss the bite mark, then thrust into me, hard. I cried out. He drove harder, and I screamed louder. He bent over me, and bit into my back again, sucking blood from it this time. My arms started to shake, but I didn't let go. He pulled back again, and thrust harder, pulling my hips back each time. There were tears behind my eyes but I didn't care. He hit that spot inside of me, and I cried out one last time before collapsing. He held me up, and I felt him shudder, then come.

_Didn't hurt me! It didn't hurt me! _

I was woken again by Damon getting out of the bed. I opened my eyes, noticing that the sun was up, and saw him pulling his jeans on, his back to me. He was mumbling something that I couldn't hear. I sat up, and he turned around quickly.

"Stay there. Just… stay there."

"Are you mad at me?"

_It didn't hurt me! It didn't hurt me!_

He laughed bitterly, and then grabbed a new shirt out of his closet. "I should be. I should be furious with you. But I can't be."

I must have looked confused, because he continued. "Elena, you have no idea what you've done. I'm sure that it seems like the right choice, but it isn't. You're just this little girl playing with things that you don't understand." He spun, ran his fist through the nearest wall, and kept speaking with his back to me. "I'm the one who should have known better. For once, I was the grownup, and I should have said no. This, what you're doing, it isn't good for you, and I should have put a stop to it, but I didn't, and now I'm suffering the consequences."

_It didn't hurt me!_

He strode over to the door. "I'm going out for a bit. Take as long as you need, but don't be in that bed when I get back."

And with that, he left me alone in his room, confused, frustrated, and, surprisingly, a little hurt.


	30. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude VII

**Authors Note: I went on some sort of writing rampage the other night, and am now like 4 songs ahead of what's posted here Everytime I come up to post, it seems weird, because everything is so different.**

**The story title and lyrics are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Taste me, drink my soul._

_Show me all the things that I shouldn't know_

_When there's a new moon on the rise._

As soon as Damon shut the door, he bolted. He practically flew down the stairs, across the main floor, toward his liquor cart. He grabbed the first bottle he could, and raised it to his lips, not bothering with a glass.

"Good night?" It was Stefan.

"Fuck off."

"I couldn't help overhearing, much as I really really didn't want to listen to what went on last night, and this morning, and just now."

"Then why did you?"

"Honestly? I thought there was a possibility that you'd lose it on her." Damon snorted, and there was a lull. "I don't get it."

"You don't get what?"

"You're in love with her?" A slow nod. "And you really monumentally fucked with her last night, and yet she not only forgave you, but she apologized for treating you like shit, and threw herself at you. You two had sex repeatedly. Then you wake up, angry and resentful, and walk out on her. I don't get it."

Damon swallowed the bronze liquid in the bottle still clutched in his hand. "She's a kid."

"Well, compared to –"

"No, Stefan. She's. A. Kid. Everything that she's been doing lately is not good for her, and last night, no matter what she said, or did, or wanted, or needed, I should have been the one to stop everything, because it isn't good for her. She doesn't understand what she's doing, she's just running on her very limited experience in dealing with everything, and it isn't good for her. And I know that the way that I've been handling her hasn't been the wisest. I just need to… re-evaluate, and figure out what's best for her."

Silence filled the room as Stefan digested everything that his brother said. He just stared at Damon, as though trying to decide whether he had actually just spoken the words, or if they had fallen out of the sky.

"Wow." Stefan opened and closed his mouth a few times as he tried to choose his next words. "Wow, so you… You don't just want her, or whatever you can get? You're truly being selfless."

Damon smiled a bitter smile at his younger brother, and then said in a low voice, "And don't you ever tell anyone."

Little did either of them know that Elena had heard every word.


	31. Track 6 part 1

**Authors Note: If you've been looking up the songs that inspire this story, you'll probably have a very hard time with this one. It was written and recorded by my good friend Tina Roy, who's songs are so evocative that any one of them can reduce me to tears!**

**The song used is called Track 6 by Tina Roy. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

June – Elena

_I can't be the fuel that keeps you going anymore._

Elena's behaviour changed drastically after her night with Damon. Jeremy noticed, but when he approached Damon about it, the vampire only shrugged, threw back his drink, and re-joined the graduation reception in progress.

Jenna had a little more luck. Elena had confessed to sneaking out to meet Timz, and explained that Damon had stopped her and hauled her back to his house to keep an eye on her. She didn't mention what else he had on her that night. The older woman had pulled Damon to the side, and thanked him for being such a great help to her niece, beyond all expectations.

Damon almost laughed out loud at that.

_And I can't always be the thing that you would look at instead of the floor._

One day, when Elena noticed Damon watching her from across The Grill, she went to sit with him.

"Hi," they both said at once.

"So," he began, eyeing his drink, "You've been asshole free for about a month now. Are you saving up for the new degenerates when we go to college?"

She was about to make a snarky remark, when she realized what he said. "What do you mean 'we'?"

"Well, it's not like I have anything better to do with my existence right now. And you're escapades have proven exceedingly entertaining when I don't have to beat the shit out some guy, so there's that."

'_Cause I am not the girl you've built me up to be, living on this pedestal that you've built for me._

Elena jumped out of her seat, and glared at Damon. "You know, contrary to what you seem to believe, barring any extraordinary dangers that I've had to deal with _because_ of you and Stefan, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Maybe you don't agree with my decisions, but they're still mine, and they could be much worse."

Damon just scowled at her, and she softened a little.

"I'm not made of glass. If you want to go and get back to your life, do it."

_No, no, I won't be that fuel anymore._

One night, while studying for their exams, Elena finally confessed to Caroline what caused her shift in behaviour.

"I overheard Damon talking to Stefan about me. Damon's done what he does, and made me the center of his world. It isn't fair to him for me to take over his life like this, and it isn't fair to me for him to be so intensely involved in my life. Something has to give."


	32. Track 6 part 2

**The song used is called Track 6 by Tina Roy. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

July - Damon

_And I can't be the thing to replace those pills._

Damon spent a great deal of time considering what Elena told him. He had come to the conclusion that, much as he missed his old life of being the 'big bad', as Caroline called him, he couldn't imagine going back to it. And that frightened him.

He did however decide that his involvement in Elena's life was no longer for the best. He couldn't continue to act as her safety net, or her way of working out her frustrations.

_And I'm tired of feeling this obligation to fill your shell._

But despite how much Elena assured him that she was capable of taking care of herself, he still found her hovering around him. And when she was asleep, and he was outside (a habit that he still hadn't managed to shake), he could still hear her nightmares. But it had gotten to the point that he couldn't do anything more for her, and he resented that.

'_Cause I can't be there like, like your fucking cigarettes, just there to calm you down until I'm burnt out again._

"Hi Damon."

Damon practically growled when he realized that Elena had searched him out, again.

"What do you want?"

She was taken aback by his abruptness. "I just wanted… to say hi. Is this a bad time?"

"That depends. Are you here to pick a fight, or to try and distract yourself from your nightmares?"

Her jaw dropped and her mouth moved, but no sound came out.

"This isn't okay Elena. I can't keep acting like a walking, talking anti-depressant. I may have changed a lot in the past year, but I am what I am, and I am _not_ this. Not even for you."

_No, no, I won't replace those pills you take._

He realized after she left that he may have been a little harsh, but he shook himself out of it. He needed to be harsh. He needed to be mean. He couldn't be _Stefan_ for her. She needed to figure it out on her own.


	33. Track 6 part 3

**The song used is called Track 6 by Tina Roy. The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

August

_I don't want the heart that has to break it to you anymore._

As college grew steadily closer, Stefan and Caroline, and even Jeremy and Bonnie, noticed the tension between Elena and Damon. They had all but stopped speaking to each other, and Damon had, for all intents and purposes, stopped acting like Elena's secret bodyguard.

When Caroline asked about it, Elena just exhaled loudly and covered her face with her hands.

"I'm just so tired of this, of all of it. Why can't everything just go back to normal, and I don't have to deal with the mixed signals and the fighting. I just don't have it in me anymore to try to convince him that I'm okay."

_And I refuse to be the voice of reason that you ignore._

Damon, for his part, had given up on trying to keep Elena from making her bad decisions. She had made her point, that it was her life, and she could live it the way she chose. He would still accompany the whole group, Stefan, Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie, to college, but it was more for lack of anything better to do than because of Elena.

Or, that's what he tried to tell himself.

'_Cause I'm not a bellhop without a thank you or a tip. This no longer works like blood, there's nothing left in me to give._

Caroline and Elena moved into their apartment, and the Salvatore's into their house, and still they avoided each other, Stefan and Caroline making awkward conversation in an attempt to get their two companions talking again, but to no avail. There was nothing left to say.

_Well no, no, I can't and won't._

And so college began, Elena was free to do what she wanted, and Damon attempted to reclaim the life that he led before his return to Mystic Falls.


	34. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude VIII

**Authors Note: Ah... College! For the record, the character that I've introduced in this chapter might be one of my favourite OC's ever. He's just too damned cute! **

**The story title and lyrics are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I had everything,_

_Opportunities for eternity,_

_And I could belong to the night._

"Excuse me, sir, are you Damon Salvatore?"

Damon eyed the young man who was talking to him, trying to figure out if he was worth his time.

"I just saw you over there talking to Stefan and I figured…," the student swallowed, and attempted a smile, but his discomfort was obvious, which threw off the effect. He stuck out his hand though, "My name is Cole. I'm dating Elena."

Damon rolled his eyes, and thought _Right, not worth my time_. "Well Elena is more Stefan's friend than mine, so…"

"But she talks about you a lot, about how you helped her out a lot, and I figured that I should introduce myself." He had pulled his hand back, but kept pushing forward, his awkwardness surfacing.

Damon continued to stare at the boy, trying to determine whether he was a threat or not. He decided that, at the very least, he could have some fun with this. "Did she tell you what I did to her last boyfriend?" Cole shook his head, his shaggy brown hair flopping around. "Chased him down with my car, dragged Elena out of his backseat, and beat him. I had overheard him saying some very rude things about her. Just keep that in mind."

Cole nodded emphatically. "I will. Thanks for the heads up. I have to get to class, but it was nice meeting you."

Damon leaned in. "I know that you're lying about that, but I'll let it slide this one time."

Hours later, there was a pounding at Damon's door. He opened it to reveal a pissed off Elena.

Damon smirked. "Met your boyfriend."

Elena glared. "You scared the shit out of him. He's actually a good guy, you'd like him."

"Doubt that."

"Fine, well you won't want to rip out his intestines and strangle him with them."

Damon sighed. "Look, I really don't care anymore who you date. He introduced himself to me, and I just had a bit of fun it. Do what you want; I don't give a rat's ass." And with that, he slammed the door in her face.

He laughed when he heard her kick the door, and then grunt in pain.


	35. Hands Up part 1

**Authors Note: Right, so, totally went to post an entirely different song, realized that I skipped about 2 songs, and then realized the downside to writing so many chapter ahead of schedule. **

**Thank you very much to Eye of the Tigress for your amazing review! And, for the record, that bipolarity that you mentioned is about to come in again. It's gonna be a little fluffy for the next little while. But, then, plot happens! *shock***

**The lyrics are from the song Hands Up by Hedley. And, for the record, I had to choose between quite a few of their songs before finally settling on this one. Although I'll probably post the others at some point. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Oh my God! Something is wrong! I'm floatin' down a river where I don't belong without you, 'cause if I fall without you._

Elena spent a great deal of time following her most recent encounter with Damon reliving every word he said. It bothered her to think that he didn't care anymore, even though she knew that this was what she'd wanted. She went out with Cole, to dinners and movies and concerts, and it wasn't until Elena practically dragged him into her apartment, and pinned him down on the bed, that they slept together.

He was gentle, and affectionate, and held her afterwards while they slept, but she found that the sex had little effect on the burning in her veins, and she stayed awake late into the night trying not to think about Damon.

_Now I see! It's all clear to me! I could do a lot of things, but I could never be without you, 'cause if I fall without you._

A few days later, she was waiting for Caroline to pick her up after class, and she saw Stefan and Damon. Stefan smiled at her and waved, and Damon… Her blood boiled when she saw him eye a girl passing by him, smiling at her charmingly.

She shook her head, surprised by her reaction, and practically ran in the other direction.

"Oh God," she whispered to herself, "Oh God, I can't be jealous! Oh God!"

_And you pick me up when I am down. And you make me smile._

She was sitting at the campus coffee shop one day, and when she looked up, Damon was lounging in the seat across from her. She felt her cheeks redden, and cursed herself for blushing so easily.

"You know, for someone who doesn't actually go here, you spend a lot of time on campus."

"I'm just checking out the female population, making sure there are no psychotic sorority sisters, or other things that inspire horror movies. Besides me."

Elena surprised Damon by laughing.

_So hands up! Take it all away! If I got you then I'll be ok._

As the semester progressed, Elena found herself splitting her free time between Cole and Damon. She found that her relationship with the former was, oddly enough, made easier by the presence of the latter, knowing, for the first time in a long time, that she wouldn't have to choose between a normal relationship, and Damon.

_I know. Now everybody say, "If I got you I like it that way!"_

But, when she drifted off during lectures, or was in that place between sleeping and waking, with Cole's arm flung over her, she found herself wondering what would happen if Damon actually found out how she felt about him.


	36. Hands Up part 2

**Authors Note: *sigh* Oh Cole, if only I were straight, and you weren't fictional...**

**The lyrics are from the song Hands Up by Hedley. ****The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Oh my God! Nothing is fine! I'll go a little crazy 'cause I'm losin' my mind without you, 'cause if I fall without you._

"Elena, are you okay?" Cole had let himself into Elena and Caroline's apartment, bringing coffee for the girls, who were studying for their midterms. He found Elena pacing by the living room window, running her hands through her hair.

She flew over to him, and her lips locked to his. He leaned over to put down the coffee, never breaking the kiss, and shrugged off his jacket before wrapping his arms around his girlfriend. She guided him to the bedroom, pulling off their clothes as they went, before landing on the bed.

_Come what may, all I gotta say, I could have a lot of fun, but I don't wanna play without you, 'cause if I fall without you. _

She slid out of her panties, rolled over Cole so that she was on top. He reached behind her to unclasp her bra, and she leaned down to kiss him while guiding him into her. She let out a relieved breath as some of the pressure in her body was relieved. She ground onto him, and it wasn't long before they both climaxed.

She rolled off of him, and he kissed her temple, breathing out, "Wow." She smiled and kissed him gently. It was true that tension in her body was much more bearable now, but she couldn't help but wonder…

_You pick me up when I am down. And you make me smile._

Later on, the couple was curled up together in the living room, studying, when the apartment door opened, and Caroline stormed in, followed by Damon.

"Well, Caroline, it's not like anyone else lives at that house, and Stefan and I are smart enough to keep track of our –" Damon broke off when his eyes fell on Cole, "DVD's, so I'm pretty sure that that leaves you. Elena doesn't… borrow our types of DVD's."

Elena snorted before letting her eyes drop back down to the book in her hands.

_So hands up! Take it all away! If I got you then I'll be ok._

Damon had insisted on waiting at the apartment while Caroline went to 'replace his DVD's'. He sat in the chair directly across from where Elena and Cole were sitting, and flipped superficially through a magazine, occasionally looking at the two of them.

"Elena, you're fidgeting again," murmured Cole into her hair.

Damon's eyes leapt up to them upon hearing that, and he quirked an eyebrow as Elena blushed.

_I know. Now everybody say, "If I got you I like it that way! If I got you I like it!"_

Damon stretched emphatically, groaning as he did so. "She tends to get antsy if she isn't getting enough physical activity. Maybe you two should start jogging or something."

He dodged the book that Elena threw at him, while Cole tried, too late, to hold her back.


	37. Hands Up part 3

**The lyrics are from the song Hands Up by Hedley. ****The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Without you I don't got a reason! Without you I don't got a soul!_

It was Thanksgiving, and everyone had returned to Mystic Falls for the holiday. Jenna had invited the Salvatore's over for dinner, where she and Alaric announced their engagement. It was in the wake of this that Elena found herself outside, on her front porch, alone.

It had become harder and harder to try and suppress her feelings for Damon. She was sure that she had already destroyed any chance of a relationship between them, and tried valiantly to accept this as the reality. Unfortunately, every time he walked into a room, her heart rate skyrocketed, and the constant pressure in her body became a pounding need.

Even Cole had noticed, and had opted to stay at school for Thanksgiving rather than join Elena in Mystic Falls. He had told her that he would give her time to think about whether she really wanted to continue with him, or whether she would be happier with Damon.

_For all my days I live to praise you! _

When she had asked him why he would say that, he laughed with hardly a trace of bitterness.

"Well, among other things, you practically tear my clothes off the second he leaves. I'm pretty sure I know the effect that he has on you."

_Make me wanna scream and shout it out, it's all I gotta say!_

"Where's the boyfriend?"

Elena turned and found herself nose to nose with Damon. She leaned back and swallowed thickly before answering.

"He had to stay at school to… study for an exam."

"Oh really? Or has he noticed that you just aren't that into him?"

She scowled at him. "I am into him, he just –"

"Oh-ho right! That's why you're practically crawling out of your skin half the time. Do you remember telling me how you felt since Katherine, or is that all just a blur of horny?"

She slapped him, and tried to push him back from her, but he stayed put for a moment before chuckling a little and walking back into the house.

_Hands up! Take it all away! If I got you then I'll be ok._

When she returned to school, she broke it off with Cole, and he nodded calmly before pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. She had no idea what she would do now, given her decision to not tell Damon how she felt, coupled with her almost constant state of desire.

_I know. Now everybody say, "If I got you I like it that way!"_

She found herself at Stefan and Damon's more and more, lounging with Stefan, and arguing endlessly with Damon. Stefan had started excusing himself the second Damon walked into the room, leaving the house to avoid listening to the inane fight that was to come. He noticed as time went on that things were getting broken during the times that Damon antagonized her, and he knew that his brother found it endlessly entertaining to get her angry when she was already riled up.

"_If I got you then I'll be ok! If I got you I like it that way!"_

A few weeks before Christmas break, Damon had been poking around the campus coffee shop, looking either for Elena, regretting how far he had pushed her the night before, or for any random female student to have some fun with. He spun around when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Cole.

"Hi," the vampire said awkwardly.

"I just wanted you to know, because I know that she won't say it, that she has feelings for you." The young man clapped Damon on the shoulder, and smiled neutrally.

Damon simply looked bemused as he nodded and walked away.


	38. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude IX

**Authors Note: YES! *hifives everyone in the vicinity and gets escorted from Starbucks* Here we go, the actual reason why I started this fic in the first place. Please review if you like this chapter... I feel like it will justify the odd looks that I got while writing this and laughing at the awkwardness of it all.**

**The story title and lyrics are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Your eyes, your eyes, I can see in your eyes, your eyes..._

_You make me wanna die._

Elena, Caroline, and Stefan were at a Christmas party at one of the dorms when Elena finally broke. She rushed over to Caroline frantically.

"Caroline! We have to leave! We have to go… wherever, but I need to talk to you alone!"

Caroline pouted, looked back at the people that she was talking to, and sighed. "Fine, but you need to drive, I've been drinking."

"So have I."

Stefan, having noticed Elena panicking, had made his way over. "I can drive."

The girls looked at him for a moment, and he felt a little nervous, as though he was about to wander into enemy territory. Finally, Elena nodded, and practically flew to the door.

She didn't say anything during the ride, and when they reached the apartment, she sat in the middle of the couch and covered her face with a pillow.

"I have a problem. And it's kind of ridiculous, and it might result in Damon actually killing me."

Drunken Caroline was immediately at Elena's side. "Oh no, honey, are you pregnant?"

Stefan laughed as Elena exclaimed, "What? No!" There was a pause as she composed herself. "No it's… oh God! I don't know what to do. I've been such an ass, to a lot of people, but mostly to Damon and…"

Suddenly, a flash went through Stefan's brain, and his eyes lit up. "Wait, Elena, are you in love with Damon?"

She looked at him, and nodded slowly. His eyes widened, and he sat down. Caroline, however, clapped her hands.

"Oh my God! That's so cute! Finally, it's like you two have been circling around it, and we all thought, after you guys had all that sex that night –"

"Caroline! This isn't a joke. This is actually serious. I honestly don't know what to do. I've just tried to forget it, because I figured that I blew that –" Caroline giggled, and Elena's eyes narrowed, "chance already."

Stefan nodded in agreement. "He's complicated. I don't even know what he'll do when you tell him. He could get into one of his hundred-year moods about it, or he could jump for joy."

Elena paled. "Whoa, I haven't even decided to tell him. What would I say? 'Oh hey Damon! By the way, you know all that hell that I put you through, and then told you that I didn't love you, and then used you for sex that one time? Well guess what? Love you now! Wanna grab some coffee?' I can't tell him! But I just can't keep it in anymore. I was just sitting at that party, thinking 'This sucks!', and then I thought, well, is this going to be the rest of my life, being bored out of my mind if Damon isn't around?"

"Well, we could always… Caroline, what did you just do?"

Caroline shrugged. "I just texted Damon and told him to come over."

"YOU WHAT?" Elena and Stefan both shouted at once.

"Elena, sweetie, you need to tell him. It'll be good. And now he's on his way over, so –" She was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Wow, he must have gone back to stalking you if he got here so fast."

Caroline went over to open the door, and Elena stared at Stefan with panic-filled eyes. She shook her head, and seemed to be trying to melt into the couch.

"Elena, Damon's here," Caroline rounded the corner from the door with Damon in tow. He was wearing his customary black button-down with dark, low-slung jeans. Elena felt her blood boil exquisitely with arousal, and she crossed her legs tightly. "Stefan, we should go back to that party. That cute girl will wonder where you went, and I'm bored here."

Elena stared at Stefan, pleading with him not to leave. Stefan got up and grabbed his brother by the arm, pulling him back toward the door.

Damon, for his part, was completely confused about what was going on. "Is Elena okay? She looks sick."

Stefan smirked. "She'll be fine. She just needs to make up her mind. And whatever decision she comes to will probably only be made as she's speaking. Look, go easy on her. She's really scared right now." And with that, Stefan poked his head back into the living room, offered Elena one last smile, and was tugged out the door by Caroline.

Elena and Damon stared at each other; Elena, convinced that she was about to vomit, and Damon, convinced that Elena was either dying, or he needed to kill someone.

"Are you pregnant?" he blurted out. "Do I have to rip some kid's head off? Was it Cole? Oh, I'll get him while he's –" He was startled by Elena's nervous laughter.

"Why does everyone think I'm pregnant tonight?" She laughed a little more. "'Rip some kid's head off?' God, Damon, I love y-" She clapped a hand to her mouth, and her eyes went wide. Damon stared at her. Then, "Well, that was easier than I expected."

There was silence for a moment. Damon blinked a few times, and then sat down, squeezing the arms of the chair. Elena saw this and moved behind the couch.

"Please don't kill me."

"Kill you… What?"

"Well, you seem a little upset."

"I am a little upset. I don't know what to say to this."

"You could start by saying that you won't kill me."

Damon looked at Elena hard. "I won't kill you." They sat, staring at each other. Elena moved back around the couch, but didn't sit back down. "Well, this was… unexpected."

Elena nodded. "Yep."

"And you told Caroline and Stefan?"

She nodded again. "And I didn't want to actually tell you, because I thought that you'd be angry, but then Caroline thought differently and texted you without actually saying anything, and then Stefan caught her putting her phone back in her purse, and then you were here, and it just sort of slipped out."

This time it was Damon's turn to nod. "The two of them are probably expecting confirmation that I didn't throw you through the window. You should probably text them or something, tell them to enjoy the party."

Elena did this, all the while growing more and more nervous, as Damon hadn't actually said anything about her confession. She dropped her phone on the couch, and looked up. "Alright, they're both –"

Damon had leapt across the room, and pulled her into his arms, holding her head and kissing her hard.


	39. I'm Your Man part 1

**Authors Note: Gotta say, I'm legitimately disappointed that there was no feedback for the last chapter. It's my favourite of the entire story :(. Anyways, random mention here: There's a part in this chapter about a vase. It really doesn't fit at all, but it just sort of wandered into my brain, and it was just so entertaining that I kept it. It's mentioned again in a little while.**

**The lyrics are from the song I'm Your Man by Leonard Cohen. I spent so much time trying to find an epic song for this scene, and this one just sort of stuck, although I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Plus, it's mostly all just sex, and I've already mentioned how comfortable I am writing these scenes. So reviews would be nice.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to._

Damon lifted Elena up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he slid a hand up her back, surprised when a spark jumped between their connected skins. He found the knot holding her red halter top together.

He smirked into her mouth. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love this top?" He pulled at the knot, and her shirt fell down, revealing her breasts.

She laughed. "This is the first time I've worn it!"

"Well, it looks great off of you."

He started to walk with her toward the dining room, and she pulled her lips away from his. "The bedroom's the other way."

"I know. We'll get there eventually."

_And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you._

At some point, Damon stopped kissing Elena, and she opened her eyes in surprise, realizing as she did so that she was sitting on the dining room table. She looked down, only to find him kneeling between her legs, unzipping her pants and tugging them off. Much as she wanted to feel his tongue lapping up her juices, she couldn't bear the tension in her veins anymore. She pulled him back up by his hair, shaking her head.

"We have tons of time for that later. Right now, I just want you inside of me." He pouted for a moment, before she offered a coy smile. "I mean later tonight, not later in the future. Well, later in the future too."

_If you want a partner, take my hand._

She squealed a little when Damon leapt up and started kissing her again. She unbuttoned his shirt with shaking fingers, and gripped the table as he finished pulling off her pants, but her face dropped when she heard a wobbling behind her.

"One second!" She reached behind her and grabbed the vase off the table, leaving Damon standing, confused and dishevelled, while she ran to place it on top of the fridge. When she returned, he was lounging on his back on the table. She explained as she removed his pants, and crawled over him. "That vase was a house-warming gift from Caroline's mom. She'd kill me if I broke it while having sex on the dining room table." She kissed him quickly. "Which was also a house-warming gift from her mom."

_Or if you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand._

Damon laughed, then ripped off Elena's panties, and guided her onto his hardened shaft. She let out a cry of satisfaction and they both held completely still for a moment. All of the heat in Elena's body rushed into her belly, and she met Damon's eyes, noticing that they were darker than she'd ever seen them before. She leaned forward, placing her hands on either side of his head, and kissed him. He suddenly jutted his hips upward, causing Elena to squeal, and begin grinding on him. He leaned up a little, and kissed down her jaw, nipping at her earlobe, then down her neck, sucking at her pulse point. She gasped, and dragged her nails down his chest, causing him to hiss and thrust in time with the motion of her hips.

_I'm your man. _

With every move and sound, Elena felt the heat under her skin pass into Damon. He sped up his motions, and Elena felt her muscles tense up. Damon moved his hands up her arms and around her back, holding her tightly as she screamed, and shudders of ecstasy wracked her body. She threw her head back, and slowed down her movements. She collapsed as Damon groaned her name and came inside of her.


	40. I'm Your Man part 2

**Authors Note: No vase, but I've noticed that there's a fair bit of dialogue in these scenes. What's up with that?**

**The lyrics are from the song I'm Your Man by Leonard Cohen. ****The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you._

Elena was brought back down to earth when Damon spoke, stroking her hair away from her eyes.

"I've realized something about you."

She leaned closer, enjoying the feel of his fingers touching her face. "Hm?"

"You're not really a fan of the missionary position, are you?"

She laughed a little. "You'll get upset if I tell you why." He leaned up and stole a kiss, prompting her to continue. "In an attempt to deal with my unusual… need… for sex, I had to deal with a lot of boys who needed a lot of guidance. I've just gotten used to taking the lead."

He growled. "You're right; I don't like that very much."

_And if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you._

Damon sat up suddenly, carrying Elena over to the couch. "Am I allowed to take my time now?" he asked as he laid her down.

She responded by reaching up to cup his face gently. She ran her fingers through his hair, and then left a heated trail of light touches down his neck and back. She lightly drew her hands down his chest and stomach, ghosting over his abs, then rubbing back up and down his sides.

Damon pressed his lips to one corner of Elena's mouth, and then the other. He placed gentle kisses down her neck and collarbone, and then took one nipple into his mouth, sucking on it while pinching and rolling the other. Elena gasped, reaching behind her to grab the arm of the couch. After switching breasts, he kissed his way down her stomach, tugging down the halter top that was still around her waist, and nipped at her hipbones. She moaned every time his teeth grazed her skin, and he could smell her arousal. He situated himself between her knees, and kissed her clit lightly. She reached down to grip his head, but he pinned her hands to her sides.

"Hold still. Otherwise I'll just slow down."

_If you want a driver, climb inside._

She nodded, and arched her back as he drew his tongue up through her glistening folds. He kissed her clit again, and then took the bundle of nerves into his mouth, grazing his teeth over it softly and sucking. She let out a strangled gasp, and whimpered a little, gripping the cushions of the couch. Damon grabbed her knees, bending them and spreading her legs wider. He slid one lone digit inside of her, causing her to thrust her pelvis upward. He pulled out and leaned back.

"What did I say?" He ran the finger up the inside of her thigh slowly, momentarily distracted by the scars left by her experience with Katherine.

_Or if you want to take me for a ride, you know you can._

Their eyes met, and she murmured out a strangled "Please…" He kissed her scars, and then slid his finger inside her again. She twitched, but kept her hips still, her knuckles white from squeezing the couch. He slid another finger in and she gasped loudly. He kept his gaze locked to hers, relishing the expressions that flitted across her face.

He massaged her clit with his thumb, and then drove a third finger inside of her. Her surprised exclamation caused his cock to twitch, and he groaned with arousal. He quirked his fingers and began pumping in and out, moving up a little to suck on one nipple, then the other. She kept her arms at her sides, but began moaning louder and louder as he pumped faster and faster.

_I'm your man. _

Finally, without warning, he pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his throbbing member, causing both of them to scream in unison. It wasn't long before they climaxed together, and lay, panting, on the couch.


	41. I'm Your Man part 3

**Authors Note: Still with the random dialogue...**

**The lyrics are from the song I'm Your Man by Leonard Cohen. ****The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Ah, the moon's too bright; the chain's too tight; the beast won't go to sleep._

This time, it was Elena who moved first. She sat up and then stood, offering her hand to Damon, who eyed it for a moment, then took it, allowing her to lead him to the bedroom. She sat on the bed, but he remained standing in front of her.

"So how do you feel, with the 'need for sex' thing?"

She sighed. "As normal as possible right now. It's usually pretty light right after sex, depending on the other guy." He stared at her, and after a brief hesitation, she continued. "It usually feels like there's something burning under my skin, in my veins. And the only thing that makes it better is sex. And sometimes it comes back right away, and other times…" She smiled at him, "It's better after sex with you, in my limited experience."

He leaned over her, laying her back on the bed. "And now?"

She smiled conspiratorially. "I could go again."

_I've been runnin' through, these promises to you that I made and I could not keep._

He crawled over her, and pinned her hands above her head.

"What happened to my being too young?"

He allowed his eyes to travel over her before answering. "You still have a lot to learn." He kissed her hard, but broke it off quickly. "The difference is that now, I can teach you."

_Ah but a man never got a woman back, not by beggin' on his knees._

The remained like that, him pressing into her, kissing and nipping at each other, for a while, before Elena wrapped her legs around Damon's waist.

He chuckled, and then spoke in a husky voice, "Remind me to bring something to tie you down with. You're insatiable!"

"You love it."

He reached around her, and pulled the blanket over both of them as she relaxed her legs. "I love _you_." And with that, he slid slowly into her.

_Or I'd crawl to you baby and I'd fall at your feet and I'd howl at your beauty like a dog in heat._

The frantic movements and teasing touches from earlier were done with. He thrust in and out of her slowly and thoroughly, finally releasing his hold on her wrists and allowing her hands to travel to his back. She gripped him hard, scratching him and then lightly running her fingers up and down in mindless patterns. Damon wondered idly if the heat that her fingers left was similar to the heat that she said she felt in her veins. Then she dug her nails into his back again, and he didn't care anymore.

He moved a hand from beside her head, and pulled one leg back up around his waist, allowing him a new angle. He hit that spot inside her that had her seeing stars. He smirked at her exclamation, and pumped harder, deeper.

_And I'd claw at your heart and I'd tear at your sheet. I'd say please, please!_

He leaned down and captured her lips, kissing harder and harder as the familiar heat coiled in his stomach, and he felt her inner walls clench around him. He thrust faster, and her moans turned to screams as he grunted and growled in her ear.

She suddenly tensed, and then shuddered, but he kept on driving into her, prolonging her orgasm until he couldn't hold himself back anymore, and he spilled himself inside of her.

_I'm your man._

Elena fell asleep curled into Damon's side, and in a rare moment of tenderness, he kissed her forehead, and pulled her closer.


	42. I'm Your Man part 4

**The lyrics are from the song I'm Your Man by Leonard Cohen. ****The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road I will steer for you._

Damon woke up a few hours later, still in the dark of the night, but to an empty bed. He heard the shower running, and made his way over to the bathroom. The door was unlocked and he slid in. He could see Elena's outline through the shower curtain; she was standing still under the spray of water. His mind wandered to thoughts of her standing there, hot and dripping wet. He wanted to lick every stray bead of water from her body, and then hand dry every inch of her.

He cleared his throat, and she poked her head around the curtain.

"Sorry. I woke up, and I was feeling really excited about," she blushed, not wanting to seem too eager; "stuff, and I figured that a shower would calm me down." Her eyes travelled down his body to his exposed and erect member. She smirked at him. "I assume you want in?"

_And if you want to work the street alone I'll disappear for you._

Damon didn't need to be asked twice. He moved around the curtain, and she felt his erection pressed into her back. She gasped when he moved her hair over one shoulder, and sucked at the skin along the other.

"You'll leave marks," she said lightly.

"Do you care?"

_If you want a father for your child, or only wanna walk with me a while across the sand._

She only leaned into him further, taking his hand and guiding it between her legs. He was surprised when she pushed one of each of their fingers into her wet folds, and then inside of her. He was even more surprised at her words.

"You know," she began breathily; "I've had a lot of fantasies about what I would do with you in the shower."

He growled, and bit her shoulder with blunt teeth. She gasped, and continued.

"All kinds of things; me on my knees in front of you," he bit her again, "Me with my legs wrapped around your waist…" He growled again, and pushed her into the wall, then used his knee to spread her legs. "Mmm… This too…"

_I'm your man._

He couldn't take it anymore, and he thrust into her from behind, having moved their joined hands up against the wall. She tilted her head to the side in invitation. He kissed her throat, and felt the blood rushing through her veins under her skin. He grazed his teeth over the spot and felt her tense.

He smiled into the crook of her neck, ran his tongue up to her ear, and murmured, "Not tonight."

He covered her small hands with his own against the shower wall, and pumped deeper into her hot, wet core, dragging mewls and whimpers out of Elena's throat. It didn't take long before they came, remaining intertwined under the water.

Elena turned her head, and kissed Damon lazily. After she leaned down and turned off the shower, he picked her up, bridal style, and brought her back to the bed.

_If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask me to._

They curled together under the covers, and this time, it was Damon who fell asleep first. Elena lay awake for a little while, a silly grin on her face.

_And if you want another kind of love. _

She realized slowly, as she began to doze off, that, finally, the heat under her skin seemed to have abated. For now.


	43. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude X

**Authors Note: OMG PLOT!**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I'll never be good enough._

_You make me wanna die._

Elena had only one thought running through her mind when she woke the next morning, relishing in the exquisite pain permeating her muscles. And that thought was: Good job.

She had been awake for over an hour, and had taken to stroking Damon's hair lovingly, and he had yet to wake. She wasn't even itching with her uncontrollable urge for sex, and he was sleeping like a rock.

She was just wondering how well that reflected on their apparent ability to fuck themselves into perfection when a crash resounded through her apartment. Damon bolted up, and the two stared at each other momentarily: Damon, his eyes wide, and Elena, with her hand still outstretched towards his face.

"What was that?" he asked urgently.

She shrugged. "Maybe there's a burglar who's raiding the fridge and he knocked over that vase." Her face blanched when she realized what she said. "Oh God! Caroline would skin me alive!"

Damon leaned in and stole a kiss. "She could try, but she wouldn't get very far without arms." He rolled out of bed, and made his way to the door. "Stay here: If you hear a high pitched squeal, it's Caroline sneaking around. And if I'm not back in five minutes, Stefan's probably taken me out to defend your virtue."

Elena snickered a little, but grabbed Damon before he got to the door, handing him a discarded towel. "We wouldn't want to give them a free show." He wrapped the towel around his waist, and they indulged in a hard kiss before he headed out the door.

Moments later, Elena heard a squeal and a bang, and then nothing. She hurriedly threw on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants and ventured out.

Damon and Caroline were in the dining room; Caroline held against the wall, and Damon, having dropped the towel, was naked, and had Caroline pinned with his forearm across her throat. They both glanced over at Elena.

"Now look what you've done! She's gone and put clothes on!" exclaimed Damon.

Elena had made her way over, and threw Damon's shirt and boxers at him. He released the blonde vampire, and reluctantly pulled on his clothes.

"What was that vase doing on top of the fridge! I love that vase! All I wanted was some blood, and it fell on my head!" Caroline pointed at the glass now littering the kitchen floor.

Elena reddened. "I put it up there while I was cleaning."

Damon, who was now splayed on the couch, added: "And by cleaning, she means having raunchy sex with me on the table."

Caroline jumped away from the table and glared at Elena, who put her hands up in mock surrender. "Hey! You're the one who called him over here last night! Any consequent sex is your responsibility."

"How the hell was I supposed to know that you would christen the table?"

"And the couch… And the shower…" sang Damon.

Caroline's freak-out was postponed by a knock on the door, and Stefan entered, carrying four cups of coffee. "I told you that you should have waited, Caroline." He passed the coffee around, and everyone sat in the living room.

Elena had taken the opposite end of the couch from Damon, who pouted. He received an eye roll in response.

"You know what'll happen if I sit anywhere near you…"

He waggled his eyebrows. "Exactly."

"ANYWAY!" shouted Stefan and he pulled a rock out of his pocket, and tossed it to Damon. "That came through our window last night." Damon began muttering about 'bastard kids' when Stefan pointed out the note attached.

Damon's face grew sombre as he read the message, and he stood up suddenly, dropping the paper on the couch. Elena leapt on it, and she frowned.

"'You took our Katherine, so we'll take yours'? What… Oh –"

It was quiet as Damon paced, Elena sank back in the couch, Stefan stared at the floor, and Caroline sipped her coffee. Then…

"So, are we, like, back on Elena duty again?"

All eyes turned to Caroline, before Damon leaned down behind Elena, and smirked.

"I wasn't planning on letting her leave the bed anytime soon anyway."


	44. Lovebug part 1

**Authors Note: Y'all ready for this? It's filler-fluff. It really does set up for something in the future, and it's just cute. **

**The lyrics are from the song Lovebug by Jonas Brothers. Don't judge me.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

Stefan & Lindsay

_Called you for the first time yesterday. I finally found the missing part of me._

Why did I do this? What the fuck could have possibly possessed me? Oh yes, I know the answer to that one: Caroline, and her never ending commentary on Damon and Elena's new relationship, and the fact that neither of us had 'someone special'. Then, she started in on Lindsay. Lindsay talking to me at that Christmas party, Lindsay being in most of my classes, Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay. No wonder I couldn't stop thinking about her.

So I called her, and now I'm waiting to meet her for coffee. But then what? I'm a vampire, she's human, and she has no ties to the world that I live in.

_I felt so close, but you were far away. Left me without anything to say._

Oh God there she is! What? Why am I nervous? Just… wave at her. She's on her way to the table. Okay, pull the chair out for her. THIS ISN'T ANYTHING NEW! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! Ask her how her day was. How does she like her classes?

_Now I'm speechless, over the edge, I'm just breathless. I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug again._

She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, and looked at me with clear blue eyes. "I'm really glad that you called me, Stefan."

I smiled at her as she blushed and sipped her coffee. "I'm glad I called you too. I, um…"

She giggled as I stumbled over my words, and I completely lost my train of thought.

_Hopeless, head over heels in the moment. I never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug again._

For those few hours, I stopped being a vampire, and she stopped being a human, and it was just easy. I didn't think about how long it would last. If I learned anything from my brother, it was that you couldn't drag an immortal mindset into this: Humans need to be human.

I walked her back to her dorm at the end of the night, and went back to the house I shared with Damon, trying desperately to stop grinning like an idiot.


	45. Lovebug part 2

**The lyrics are from the song Lovebug by Jonas Brothers. Don't judge me.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

Caroline & Bonnie

_I can't get your smile out of my mind. I can't get you outta my mind. I think about your eyes all the time._

I sat at the coffee shop, staring into my latte with whip and chocolate sprinkles, but that wasn't what I was seeing. What I was seeing was a pair of big brown eyes, and a smile that could get me to do anything. When Damon talks about trying to change for Elena, and resisting his nature and all that crap, I believe him. Because I think I've been changing for Bonnie.

Bonnie! Of all people! She was my best friend from kindergarten. We had dared each other to ask out boys, and she helped me through everything with Matt, and becoming a vampire (eventually). So I guess... it makes sense in a way. That I'd fall for her.

A slap on the table made me jump, and I found myself staring into the eyes that I'd just been thinking about.

_You're beautiful but you don't even try. You don't even, don't even try. Modesty is just so hard to find._

"Bonnie! Hey!" I tried not to look too eager. Best not to look too eager. Had she taught me that, or was it the other way around?

"Ugh, I'm so slammed with work. This one class, this sociology class… I swear he's having us write his next book for him. I now I need to find 'average' people to ask a bunch of personal questions. I don't know any 'average' people! Most of my friends aren't even human anymore!"

I was trying, really I was, to hear the words that she was saying, but I just kept getting distracted. God! When did I turn into a fourteen year old boy!

_Now I'm speechless over the edge, I'm just breathless. I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug again._

She was looking at me expectantly, like she was waiting for me to answer a question. Crap!

"Sorry!" I shook my head. "Can you say again? I was thinking about something else."

"I said that I need to get out this weekend. Like, need to! Please please please road trip with me!"

I didn't know what to say. "You trust me? You trust me alone with you?"

_Hopeless, head over heels in the moment. I never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug again._

She seemed to think very hard about my question. Then, she reached out and took my hand.

"Of course. You may have been a little intense at first, but I know that you'd never hurt me. I feel safer with you…"

I couldn't hear anything else as I tried to stifle the grin that was rapidly spreading across my face.


	46. Lovebug part 3

**The lyrics are from the song Lovebug by Jonas Brothers. Don't judge me.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I kissed her for the first time yesterday. Everything I wished that it would be._

I had walked Lindsay back to her dorm after class again. On the way, she had reached over and taken my hand. When we got to her door, she leaned with her back against it, and placed both her hands on my shoulders.

"Look, Stefan. I don't know what went on in your past, or why you always seem to think that you'll break me or something. But don't worry. I know, it's just college, it doesn't have to be forever."

And with that, her hands reached the back of my head, and she pulled my lips down to meet hers. Every single reason for not wanting to get involved with her, for her safety, for my safety, even that little tiny voice that sounded like Elena, it all disappeared as I placed my hands on either side of her head, and kissed back.

_Suddenly I forgot how to speak. Hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see?_

I was reading on the couch when there was a knock on the door. Elena went to answer it, but when I looked up, she had disappeared and Bonnie stood alone. She was twisting the strap of her purse in her hands, a nervous habit, and I suddenly became extremely concerned.

"Hey Bonnie. Is something wrong?"

She smiled nervously, inhaled a deep breath, then rushed across the room and kissed me. She leaned back, and looked into my eyes, seemingly surprised by her own boldness.

"Hi," she breathed out, and I felt the words against my lips she was so close.

"Hi," I repeated back to her, smiling. Then, with supernatural speed, and pulled her down to the couch, leaned over her, kissing any part of her that I could as she gasped with surprise.

_Now I'm speechless over the edge, I'm just breathless. I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug again._

A little while later, Damon arrived at the apartment to find Elena sitting outside the door, blaring her music through her headphones, her laptop on her knees. He leaned back against the wall, slid down next to her, kissed her on the cheek, and then tugged an earbud from her ear with his teeth.

"If you lost the key, I can just kick the door down."

She pressed a finger to her lips, and nodded her head in the direction of the door. And then he heard it.

His eyes widened. "Is that Caroline?"

She smiled. "Yep. And Bonnie."

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before Elena burst into a fit of giggles.

_Now I'm hopeless, head over heels in the moment. I never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug again._

"And so you're waiting here because…?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I didn't want to worry you by wandering out on my own. I tried calling Stefan, but it went straight to voicemail."

"Oh!" Damon exclaimed, and Elena looked up at him. "I think he has a girlfriend now too. Or, at least, some girl who's shown up at the house a few times, before Stefan rushed her out." He kissed her forehead. "Apparently he has this thing about me stealing his girlfriends or something."

_Oh! Lovebug again!_

"Hey!" Elena slapped his chest lightly. "No more stealing his girlfriends. Be happy with the one you have."

He smiled mischievously before laying her down on the hall floor and doing as much as she dared let him do in public.


	47. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XI

**Authors Note: PLOT! And smut. Hm...**

**The lyrics and ****story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everything you love will burn up in the light._

It wasn't until the end of January that anything happened, following the note thrown into the Salvatore's temporary residence around Christmas.

One of Elena's professors had forwarded some of his classes most recent papers to one of his colleagues, to help him in his search for an assistant. Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie were all among those selected, and were each called in, one after the other, for interviews.

In retrospect, Elena realized that she should have gotten the fuck out of there the second that 'Dr. Nicolas Vaché' did a double-take as she walked through the door. But, by the time she was seated, he had set the dead-bolt, and it was too late.

He blurred toward her, and had his hand around her throat before she could even blink.

"Do you know why you are here?" he asked with a heavy European accent.

Her eyes were watering, and tears spilled down her cheeks when she nodded. He released her and took a few steps back, indicating to her that she should speak.

"Because Stefan and Damon killed Katherine, you want me to replace her." Her voice was hoarse, and she briefly considered screaming for help. Both Caroline and Bonnie were right outside the door… Maybe…

His bitter laughter reclaimed her attention. "There will never be a replacement for her, child. Our goal," he waved at either corner of the room, and two other vampires, old vampires, appeared out of the shadows, "is not to replace her. No, we will punish those young ingrates who have taken her from us, by taking you from them."

Rather than staring at the three vampires now bearing down on her, her eyes bounced frantically around the room, looking desperately for something to save herself. She was already edging her foot near her bag, hoping to pull out the vervain darts hidden within. But, she wondered, if vervain had no effect Katherine, what were the odds that it would have an effect on her friends?

A hand behind her pulled her head back by the hair, and let out a strangled yell. She flailed, and her hand connected with skin, and with a yelp, a female vampire jumped back. Elena looked over to see what appeared to be a large burn mark on the vampiress' skin.

Then, she felt a knife plunge into her belly, and all of the air escaped her. Her sight dimmed and darkened, until it seemed like she was looking out the end of a tunnel.

Then, she grew very confused. The room started flashing, and she could smell burning. Although, she thought, she may have been having a stroke. Everything was blurry, and then the knife was retracted, and she felt arms around her.

When she woke up again, she was in the back of Caroline's car. Her sight was still blurry, but she could make out Bonnie's panicked face, felt her hands pressing into her stomach, trying to staunch the flow of blood. Elena tried to look down, and then everything went black again.

She was woken by the feeling of something trickling down her throat. She took a breath, and smelled the familiar scent of her room, and Damon. She opened her eyes, blinked a few times, and her eyes met blue ones. Then a voice spoke from next to her.

"I'm so sorry Elena! I should have thought… Well, I should have thought!"

It was Caroline, berating herself in her usual way. Later on, when she was fully conscious, Elena told her that it wasn't her fault, that no one could have guessed that it would happen, and, essentially, 'no harm, no foul'. Caroline confessed that it had been Bonnie who realized that something was wrong, and had run out of the building without an explanation. Caroline had followed her, only to see her girlfriend shooting a flare gun through the 'professor's' window. No one could explain where the smoke had come from, although Elena filed that away in the 'Random Things That I Can Do After Sex' part of her brain. Caroline had crawled up to the window, and gotten Elena out as the building was evacuated.

Elena herself wasn't at all surprised. Truth be told, she had been expecting something to happen. The only thing that was strange was her rate of recuperation. Even with Damon's blood in her system, it was slow going.

After a few days of looking and feeling like crap, even though her wound had knitted itself closed, she was laying in bed, with Damon lounging next to her, reading a book. He looked over when he felt her eyes on him.

"The answer is still no, Elena."

She pouted. "Come on, what else am I supposed to do when I'm stuck in bed like this?" She was fidgeting subconsciously, and he'd noticed, but refused to act on it.

He sighed, and put down his book before rolling on top of her. "I could kill you Elena. You still look like hell, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are."

As he was speaking, she had snuck her hands under his shirt, and was stroking up and down his abs. Then, she whispered, "But we'll be gentle, I promise. And you can be on top so I don't use too much energy. I promise, it'll make me so much better Damon, please?"

He knew, as soon as she said please, that he was done for. "Just quickly, and just once until you're better?"

Elena was practically glowing as she nodded.

His hand slid under her nightgown, and tore off her panties, and she was already working at his jeans. He slid them down, and positioned himself at her entrance, waiting. Their eyes met, and she moved a hand up to hold his chin, and brought his lips down to meet hers. The kiss was slow, and gentle, and Damon eased into her. She let out a sigh of satisfaction at the feeling of him filling her so completely. She lay as still as she could, keeping her promise, and he thrust in and out of her.

Eventually, she snuck a hand down between their bodies, began massaging her clit. When Damon realized what she was doing, he groaned into her mouth. She used her other hand to guide his onto her breast, and he rolled her nipple between his fingers. All the while their lips stayed locked together, and he remained inside of her.

"Please, just a little faster…"

"Elena…"

Her pupils were dilated, and she stared him in the eye. He felt his entire body flood with an unquenchable heat.

"Please?"

He sped up, and going deeper and deeper. She clenched around him, and she pulled him close, not ending the kiss even though she'd found her release. After a few more strokes, Damon followed, sinking down over her, and brushing his lips against her neck.

In the morning, much to everyone's surprise, Elena was the picture of perfect health.


	48. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner part 1

**Authors Note: Love this song! I've been waiting for so long to be able to post this. Although, on the downside, I've recently realized that I'm a walking-talking-breathing Damon in real life, and so this sort of chronicles what I've been going through as well. Le sigh... **

**The lyrics are from the song Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall-Out Boy.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Drink down that Gin and Kerosene, and come spit on bridges with me, _

There was a slam of glass on a counter. Elena threw her hands in the air in victory.

"And the champion remains…!" shouted Some Guy from one of her classes.

A group of students, including Caroline and Bonnie, had gone out to celebrate having finally finished a group project. There was a 'hole in the wall' pub near campus that never checked ID, and never asked questions when someone who was clearly underage proferred a fake.

"God, Elena, how do you do that? It's like drinking engine oil!" shouted Bonnie over the general noise.

Elena only smiled widely in response, and motioned to the bartender to bring on another round, eliciting a groan from her companions.

_Just to keep us warm, light a match to leave me be, light a match to leave me be._

Much later, much much later, Elena was surprised to find that she was alone. Or at least, more alone than she ever was. She was wandering the streets with Some Guy from class, but Caroline had left with Bonnie earlier in the evening, leaving Elena to defend herself in case of an emergency.

She was quite enjoying herself with her classmate, happy to be able to be normal for once. He had hit on her once, earlier in the evening, but after she clarified that she had a boyfriend, he'd backed off, and now just seemed content to walk and talk with her.

It was in the early hours of the morning that a cab took Elena's friend home, and she was truly alone. She stood still for a moment, closed her eyes, and inhaled the cold winter air. Then the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she surreptitiously clutched the wood-bullet gun in her purse. A rustle behind her caused her to turn on her heel and shoot.

_I keep my jealousy close, 'cause it's all mine._

"Fuck!" Damon hit the ground, holding his shoulder.

"Shit!" Elena muttered as she scurried over to him. Wordlessly she fell to her knees, and stuck her fingers in the bullet hole, pulling out the wooden object. "You shouldn't be sneaking up on me! What the hell were you thinking?"

He stretched out his arm gingerly and rotated his shoulder a few times. "You were alone. You shouldn't be alone."

"I shouldn't be snuck up on."

Damon made a face at her, and made an angry sound deep in his throat. "You are drunk. Idiot Caroline left you alone to go play out scenes from The L Word with the witch, and you were alone. With a guy who was not making it a secret that he wants you under him."

Elena stood up suddenly, huffed, and walked away. "I'm young, I'm in college, and yes, I get hit on. You act like I'm this naïve little girl who has no idea what's going on. He made a pass, I told him about you, and he backed off. So, Damon, you can either take your jealousy and shove it, or you can fuck off."

_And if you say this makes you happy then I'm not the only one lying._

Shocked and angry, Damon kept a few paces behind her all the way back to her apartment. When she turned to shut the door on him, he slammed it back open.

"No," they both said at once.

"You are not going to get drunk and pissed off at me for no reason!"

Elena was taken aback. "You are not going to use your vampire powers to force me into having a conversation that I don't want to have. I'm going to bed. Alone."

She didn't even bother to slam the door that time. She simply spun around, stomped to her bedroom, and locked herself in.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Damon had settled on the couch, and was dozing off when Elena came back out. She knelt down next to him, and took his hand.

"I'm sorry that I got upset, but I still mean what I said. You can't protect me from every natural and supernatural threat there is. It just isn't possible."

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I can damn well try."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

And, as they gazed at each, something snapped. In the same instant, Elena tunnelled her hands into Damon's black hair, and Damon fell onto her, pushing her into the floor. The carpet rubbed the small of her back where her tank top rode up, and Damon took the opportunity to run light touches along the edge of her shorts.

"I like these," he began. Quickly, he thrust his hand up, and into her wetness, causing her to scream in surprise and pleasure. "Easy access."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Elena's hand snaked down to meet his, covering it as he pumped his fingers inside of her and she squirmed on the floor. She reached out to grab the leg of the coffee table, and accidentally threw it a few feet. Surprised, she froze and stared at the spot where the table had been.

Damon, however, took the time to undo his pants, and wriggle out of them. He grabbed Elena's free hand and guided to his swollen cock. She gripped it, and slid her hand up and down slowly.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Frustrated, Damon growled. Elena smiled seductively, and then rolled them over. She manoeuvred herself between his legs, and brought her mouth down dangerously close to his member. She lightly licked up the precum and kissed the head. She licked his length, and then, achingly slowly, she took him into her mouth, until he was pressing against the top of her throat. She massaged him with her tongue, and he went into a frenzy.

"Elena…" Her eyes met his, and she winked. She spread her legs, and his eyes followed her hand as it sank under her shorts, and she twitched at the contact she made. She started bobbing her head faster and faster. At the last second, she clambered onto him, impaling herself, and letting out a moan of satisfaction. It took only seconds, and they both cried out as they fell into their release.

"See," she breathed out, "Not naïve. I can handle myself."


	49. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner part 2

**Authors Note: Cole! He's back! I just can't stay away from him. :)**

**The lyrics are from the song Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall-Out Boy.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I keep my jealousy close, 'cause it's all mine._

Damon took a seat at the coffee shop, his eyes not leaving Elena and Cole. He had been coming to pick her up when he spotted her talking to her floppy-haired ex. His typically well-hidden fears about Elena changing her mind about him resurfaced.

"Are you kidding me? How did I not know this?" She was smiling at him, and he was grinning back.

"Well, we grew up with different parents, so we aren't that close. I just never thought to point her out."

"So Lindsay, Stefan's girlfriend, is also your sister? That's crazy!" She placed a hand on his shoulder and lightly shoved him.

Damon growled as Cole covered Elena's hand with his own. He was seething. His blood was boiling. He imagined taking Cole's entire arm and tearing it from his body, then turning around and beating the boy with it.

_And if you say this makes you happy then I'm not the only one lying._

But Elena had pulled her hand back as though she been burned, and shoved it in her coat pocket. Cole frowned at her, and then his eyes travelled to the collar of her shirt, and his face reddened.

"Is that a bruise?" He pulled at the collar, revealing what was very clearly not a hickey, and was very clearly the black and blue imprint of a hand on her shoulder.

Elena took a quick step back. "It's not what you think Cole," she tried to say casually.

As Cole opened his mouth to argue, Damon strode over and slid his hand into Elena's. "Time to go," he murmured to her.

Cole reached out and grabbed Elena's other arm, but glared at Damon. "If you're hurting her…" Elena pulled her arm back, and followed Damon out.

As soon as they entered the small Salvatore house, Damon went straight for the liquor.

"You were awfully friendly with him," he hissed out.

"Well he's my friend," rebuked Elena. "I'm going upstairs to do my homework. I need some quiet." And she ran up the stairs to Damon's room.

_Drink down that Gin and Kerosene, and come spit on bridges with me, _

Damon, for his part, threw back a shot of bourbon, then another, and another, before stomping up the stairs after her.

"Well? What did I do this time?"

Elena's back was to him, and she was pulling books out of her bag. "I thought we already had the jealousy talk Damon. I broke up with _him_ because I'm in love with _you_. You either believe me or you don't, but you need to keep the aggression under control!" She turned to look at him, and there was fire in her eyes. "Especially since he now thinks that you're beating me."

Damon's face was stormy, and he answered in a low voice. "I'm a vampire, Elena. Don't forget that, or try to humanize me. You'll need to accept certain things if you want this to work."

"Oh! I think I accept quite a bit, thank you. The bruises, the late nights, even when we aren't having sex, the generally menacing behaviour toward _everyone_, including me. Maybe _you_ need to accept certain things. Like the fact that I'm not your pet, I'm not some defenceless idiot who can't tell the difference between a friend and a rapist. I have friends, and some of them are guys, and yeah, I'm pretty attractive, so they'll react like any _human_ guy would react. GET OVER IT!"

_Just to keep us warm, light a match to leave me be, light a match to leave me be._

Suddenly the doorframe cracked, and Damon let it go, swinging his fist instead at the wall. He blurred to her, and grabbed her arms, lifting her up a few inches. She stuck out her chin, and he dropped her, taking a few steps back. He doubled over, and let out a loud roar.

"This is the fucking problem, isn't it? This is what happens when vampires and humans are together! How are we supposed to work this out?" Damon was pacing and gesticulating wildly.

Elena felt tears forming behind her eyes, and rubbed her arms. She knew that she would bruise there too.

"So, that's it then?" She tried to keep her voice steady, but failed. "There's no way around it? It's impossible?"

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Damon froze, and turned slowly towards Elena. He thought for sure that he felt his heart crack. The look on her face made him want to kill something, but he knew that he was the one who caused that pain. He walked over to her slowly, took her face in his hands, and kissed her gently. He could taste her tears on her lips. When he pulled back, she was looking at him.

"Never. I will find a way to work this out. I'll… start taking anger management, or try the old Stefan diet. I'll drink less, or more. Anything, as long as it keeps you safe and next to me."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Elena nodded, but there were still tears in her eyes. She sat down on the bed, and grabbed a book, flipping the pages idly. Damon knelt in front of her, and when she looked at him, his eyes were darkened.

"Haven't I already mentioned that you shouldn't do homework on this bed? Do you have any idea what the sight of you on this bed does to me?"

He ran his hands up her denim-clad thighs, and then ran a finger under the waistband. He felt her shiver and took the book from her. Slowly, he reached a hand to her shoulder, and pushed her until she was laying flat on her back. Then he undid the button on her pants, and unzipped her. He spread the opening a little, and kissed her panties. He moaned when he saw them.

"These are my favourite pair Elena. Black. And I can see right through them… It's like you knew that I'd be begging for forgiveness tonight."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

He pressed his lips to the fabric again, and ran his hands over her hips, dragging her jeans off. He kissed the dampened lace between her legs, and moaned at the taste. He hooked a finger under each side of her panties, and stroked her skin with the back of each hand. He paused, and she looked down at him.

"Are you up for this, or should I let you study?"

She groaned at him, and lay back down, reaching her arms behind her to grip the edge of the bed. Damon watched her stomach tighten in anticipation.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

He kissed her panties again, and then slowly peeled them off. He pushed her knees, spreading her legs wider, and he could feel himself harden at the sight of her. Using his fingers, he spread her lips, and slowly ran his tongue from her opening to her clit.

"I love the taste of you. I don't think I mention that enough."

He nipped at her bundle of nerves, and she jumped, gasping. He sucked on it, lightly grazing it with his teeth as she squirmed and whimpered.

When he felt her start to tense up, he circled her entrance with one finger, and then very slowly slid it inside. Her walls clenched around the lone digit, and Damon sighed into her folds. He thrust in a second finger, faster this time and Elena began grinding her hips. A third finger broke her, sending her careening into the orgasmic abyss.


	50. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner part 3

**Authors Note: I feel that I should clarify something. Damon is not hurting Elena. It's just collateral damage from him being so strong.**

**The lyrics are from the song Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall-Out Boy.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke.  
You look so good in blue. You look so good in blue._

Damon had propped Elena up on the pillows, and kissed her, hard at first, then gentler until she fell asleep. He wasn't surprised at how exhausted she was. She was always exhausted now. He was surprised that he hadn't seen it before.

_So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke.  
You look so good in blue. You look so good in blue._

He undressed her, and pulled one of his t-shirts over her head before curling around her and feeling her sleep. She was right, and he knew it. He had thought that he had made changes for her, but he really had only been treating her like some fragile possession. He was still out hunting humans, although she ignored it. And he still had his guard up, a bad habit to shake after so long, and she was so very patient with him when he shut her out. And she had had to deal with interrupted sleep because of his sleeping patterns, and his refusal to socialize with her friends at all because, really, if you weren't going to eat the girls, why bother with them at all? And the injuries that came from simply being that much stronger than the person that you're with. Any time he touched her she would bruise.

_So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke.  
You look so good in blue. You look so good in blue._

It occurred to him them that nothing could have prepared him for this. Meeting Elena, and screwing with her to screw with Stefan? Plenty of experience there. Learning about her and loving her? It was tough, but he at least had _something_ to draw from. Protecting her? He'd had to dig deep for that one, but, little known fact, he'd once been extremely overprotective of his baby brother, given their age difference and the fact that their father was an ass.

But trying to keep on even footing with Elena? When she was so much better than he, and he was so different from her? _Elena would know_, he thought, but this was something that he would have to do for her. It would be meaningless if she had to guide him.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?_

When Elena woke, she looked around, and saw Damon sitting in an armchair, watching her. He looked more vulnerable than any time before. She was scared, wondering what could possibly have caused it. She didn't have to wait long for an answer.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it."

Shocked, Elena shuffled over on the bed and patted the still-warm spot next to her, smiled gently. "You could start by holding me."


	51. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner part 4

**The lyrics are from the song Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall-Out Boy.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

As typically happens when Damon and Elena are alone, much less in a bed, they weren't cuddling for long. Damon had his arm around Elena, and had been innocently stroking her arm when she moved up and placed little kisses along his jaw line. One of her hands stretched and clutched at Damon's hip bone, and she rolled over, grinding against his other hip.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

"Elena," he gasped out, "I'm trying to give you a day. To rest? Watch TV? Do your homework?" He felt her blunt teeth bite his shoulder, hard. He groaned, and continued. "This is not the way to encourage me not to bruise you."

He felt her move up to his ear. "I don't mind the bruises Damon. Just, we should be more careful about where they are."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

He grinned, and flipped them over so that he was looming above her. Elena moved her hands so they cupped Damon's face, and she looked nervous.

"There's actually something that I wanted to you about…"

Damon had nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, and was sucking on the skin there. "Mm hmm?"

"It's serious."

With a sigh, Damon pulled his face up, and stilled his movements. "Yes?"

"Well, you – The first time – When we had sex, before… back in Mystic Falls, you bit me."

Damon nodded, smiling at the thought of where this might be going.

"I, well, I want you to bite me again. Um, today, now."

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Damon didn't need to be asked twice. He pulled his t-shirt off of her, and she did the same to him, before reaching down for his pants. There was usually certain finesse when they had sex, quite a lot of foreplay, and it tended to last for a while. But there was a sense of urgency now, both of them wondering if taking this step would help or hinder their relationship.

Elena wrapped her legs around Damon's waist, and he drove into her quickly, drawing a strangled yell from her throat. After a few strokes, Elena nodded, and Damon reached for a knife in his nightstand. He cut himself where his pulse would be, and slowly moved in to bite Elena in the same place.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Elena gasped at the prick in her throat, then wrapped her lips over the wound on Damon, and lapped at the blood. She moaned, and felt Damon smile against her skin. She'd had Damon's blood before, and he'd drank from her as well, but it was nothing compared to this. She could taste his arousal in his blood, and knew that he tasted hers as well.

It wasn't until Elena stopped to breathe, and Damon pulled away, that she realized that he was still driving into her. Heat flowed through her veins, and she arched her back, crying out at the same time. Her vision was blurring, her breathing erratic, and she felt wave after wave of pleasure break on her. And each time that she thought it was over, Damon would thrust again, and it would restart.

Then, the phone rang.

_Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?  
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day._

Elena was blinking hazily, and tried to grab Damon's phone off the nightstand, while Damon had no intention of ending.

"Just ignore it," Damon growled.

Elena made another cry of pleasure, and glanced at the screen. "It's Alaric," she breathed.

Damon stopped for a second, and Elena let out a whimper of displeasure. He grabbed the phone from her, pressed the green button, and then continued pounding into Elena, covering her mouth with his other hand.

"Ric, I'm busy. Emergency?" He listened for a moment, and then stopped moving again. Elena jutted her hips upward. "What do you mean by 'okay'?" Another moment, then, "Fuck! I'm on my way."

He threw the phone, and leaned in to kiss Elena, thrusting frantically until he met his release. At this point, Elena couldn't move, but there wasn't a mark on her. Damon slid out of her, and looked her in the eyes.

"Do you trust me?" He was frowning, and she nodded. "There's a problem. I'm not too sure what happened, but I'll tell you as soon as I know. Are you going to be okay?"

She smiled at him. "Eventually." She pushed his shoulder. "Go be a hero," she smirked.

He growled, kissed her again, and then got up.


	52. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XII

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everytime I look inside your eyes,_

_You make me wanna die._

Damon had been standing outside of the apartment door for ten full minutes. His throat was dry, and his palms were sweating. He didn't even know that his palms could sweat.

When he'd arrived in Mystic Falls, he'd known that something had happened at the Gilbert household, that someone had gotten hurt, but Alaric had assured him that everyone was okay, for all intents and purposes. But Jeremy wasn't okay; he would never be okay.

He'd finally convinced himself to just man up, and get in there. He would know what to say to Elena when he saw her. He walked into the door, and, it seemed, into a scene from a teenage boy's wet dream.

Caroline was on top of Bonnie, her hands up her shirt, groping her. They were kissing, and Bonnie's hands seemed to be going straight for Caroline's zipper when Damon walked in.

"Hot." He smirked.

Bonnie screamed, and Caroline groaned and withdrew her hands. "Ever hear of knocking?" the blonde asked.

"Ever hear of 'get a room'?"

"It's my apartment!"

Bonnie knew where this was headed, and she cut them off. "Elena's in her room. We've got finals coming up…"

Damon nodded at her, and walked away. He grinned when he heard Bonnie mutter, "We should be studying anyway."

Elena was sitting at her desk, scrolling on her laptop. She was chewing on her pen, and her legs were bouncing. Damon knew what that meant, and much as he'd love to indulge her, he had to tell her the news first.

He cleared his throat. She spun around in her chair, and a smile spread over her face. Damon's stomach lurched, knowing that he wasn't bringing good news.

"Elena, I – Do you trust me?"

She frowned at him and nodded. "You asked me that before you left."

"Well, if I tell you that something has happened, but it'll be okay… I really need you to believe me. I promise."

Elena face paled, and she started to get up, but sat back down. "Jenna or Jeremy?"

Damon took a few steps forward. "It's Jeremy. He was turned by the same vampires who tried to kill you."

Elena's jaw clenched. "Turned. So he's… So he's a vampire." It wasn't a question, but Damon nodded anyway. She covered her mouth with her hands, and a few tears escaped her eyes. "Does Jenna know?"

"Alaric told her. They came home and found him."

"Is he okay?"

Damon sat down on her bed and rubbed his eyes. "Not… He will be. But he's having a hard time adjusting." When he looked up, Elena looked panicked. "Oh, no… He isn't off killing the townspeople! He actually has really great self-control." Damon stopped, and rubbed his eyes again. "But he's still new, and we've had to move him to the boarding house until he calms down. Jenna had to tell everyone that he went to rehab. He's just really angry, and wants to get out and _do_ something, and he can't. But Alaric's still helping him, and Stefan and I will go back as often as we can."

Damon was surprised to feel something barrel into him. He was flat on his back on the bed when he opened his eyes, to see Elena wrapped around his torso.

"Thank you!" She clutched him tighter. "Thank you for helping him, and doing all this. It's more… It's more than you should have to do."

He stroked her hair. "Stefan's helping too. And so is Alaric."

Elena looked up at him. "Yeah, but… Okay, I need to say something, and it might seem hurtful, but it's actually a good thing." He nodded at her. "This is Stefan's thing. He's solid, and plays the hero really well. And Alaric's there. And he's really close to Jeremy, and he needs to take care of Jenna too. But I know that this sort of thing doesn't come easily to you. I know that you're trying. So it means so much more that you're doing this, for Jeremy. Because I know that you only ever do this kind of thing for me."

Damon pressed a kiss into her hair. "I told you, I'll do anything that you need me to do. I can't promise you the world, but I can promise that I'll try."


	53. Raise Your Glass part 1

**Author's Note: So, I really don't know what happened here. I think I just really like the line _Panty Snatcher_ in relation to Damon. Either way, mostly just wanted to try and get the adjustment issues resolved between the two of them.**

**The lyrics are from the song Raise Your Glass by P!nk.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Right right, turn off the lights. We're gonna lose our minds tonight. What's the dealio?_

"Come on Elena! They're idiots! Just because _you've_ somehow managed to escape the apparent pitfalls of your generation…" Damon stormed through the door to his house.

"One night Damon! That's all that I want. One night where we can be normal for once." Elena was trailing after him, exasperated. "I'm scared, and I'm worried about Jeremy, and I'm always with you and Stefan and Caroline, and it's exhausting trying to keep up with you!"

"Then go, no one's stopping you."

"I want _you_ to come with me. Everyone's always asking about my boyfriend, and I just want to show you off." She had approached him, and was playing with the collar of his shirt. "Just think of all the fun you'll have glowering at the boys in my class every time they look at me." She smiled at him coyly.

"And if I snap and kill one of them?" he asked seriously.

Elena glared at him, and turned on her heel. "Fine, I'm going to bed."

_I love when it's all too much. Five am, turn the radio up. Where's the rock and roll?_

The next night, Elena was at a house party with Caroline, Bonnie, Lindsay, and even Stefan. She was leaning against a wall next to the latter, complaining about his brother.

"I mean, you're here, and you don't even like this type of thing! What's his excuse?"

Lindsay poked her head around Stefan, and answered. "Well, maybe he just doesn't want to scare all of your friends. He is pretty intimidating."

Stefan laughed and pulled Lindsay closer. "I'm pretty sure he'd love to terrify everyone in this room." He turned to meet Elena's eyes. "Seriously, you've changed him. He's used to walking into this type of party, zeroing in on a girl or six, taking what he wants, and getting out. He probably just doesn't see the point anymore." His eyes moved over her shoulder, and he focused on something. "Or I could be completely wrong…"

_Party Crasher. Panty Snatcher. Call me up if you a gangsta. Don't be fancy. Just get dancey. Why so serious?_

Elena spun around and was surprised to see Damon walking through the door. He spotted her and waggled his eyebrows mischievously.

Elena felt suddenly and inexplicably nervous.

Damon walked over to the makeshift bar, grabbed himself a drink, and swaggered towards her, winking at a couple of girls as he went. Elena laughed.

He walked right over to her, leaned against the wall and slid an arm around her shoulders. "So this is being normal?" He leaned forward a little and eyed his brother. "Stefan pulls it off well." He raised his glass and Stefan smirked back.

_So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways! All my underdogs! We will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty!_

Elena was about to say something, but she was interrupted by a squeal. "Ohmigod Elena! Is this your boyfriend?" A group of girls had appeared in front of them, and the leader, a girl whose name Elena couldn't remember, was taking care to eyeball Damon from head to toe.

"Yeah, this is Damon," she answered, surreptitiously sliding her hand into Damon's back pocket. He turned and looked at her, surprised.

"Oh, well he's gorgeous!" There were murmurs of agreement from the group.

Damon smiled charmingly at them. "Thank you ladies, but I think I should be dancing with my girlfriend." And with that, he tugged Elena to the dance floor and spun her around.

_Dirty little freaks! Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass! Just come on and come on and raise your glass!_

"Wow," breathed Caroline a few hours later, "I haven't seen him this drunk in a while."

Elena rolled her eyes as she answered. "He's dealing with his new fan club. He thinks it's hilarious!"

Bonnie patted Elena's shoulder. "He would."

Sure enough, there was a group of girls trailing the vampire's every move as he slid around the room. The leader from earlier, whose name was apparently Stephie, was getting dangerously close to Damon, and Elena growled.

Caroline looked at her, shocked. "What was that?" Elena glared at her. "Oh my GOD! You're jealous! You're actually really jealous!"

Bonnie laughed.


	54. Raise Your Glass part 2

**The lyrics are from the song Raise Your Glass by P!nk.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Slam slam, oh hot damn! What part of party don't you understand? Wish you'd just freak out. Freak out already._

Elena slammed her empty shot glass down on the table. The guy next to her followed suit a few seconds later.

"Damn! How do you do that?"

She smiled at him. "Practice." He took her apparent friendliness as an opening, and moved his hand to hers along the table. She pulled back. "Bad idea. I'm not interested," she nodded across the room at a now frozen Damon, "And my boyfriend over there has jealousy issues."

They both looked over at Damon making his way over. The guy got up. "Understood. See you around." And he walked away, trying not to look the least bit terrified.

_Can't stop, coming in hot. I should be locked up right on the spot. It's so on right now. So fuckin on right now._

Damon stopped in front of Elena, and he was smirking as his eyes followed the guy moving away from them. "You were right. This is fun."

She smiled dangerously. "I'm glad you're having a good time. But I might have to borrow a page out of your book and beat the crap out of Stephie if she touches you one more time."

Damon looked around. "Which one was that?"

He never got an answer, as Elena had thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him.

_Party Crasher. Panty Snatcher. Call me up if you a gangsta. Don't be fancy. Just get dancey. Why so serious?_

She pulled away with a bitter look on her face. "Ugh, you taste like…"

"Tequila?" he offered.

Elena shook her head, smiling. "How are you more drunk than me?"

Damon shrugged. "Years of repressed anger and a very jealous girlfriend." He sighed. "My life is so hard." She rolled her eyes, and smacked his arm. He caught her hand, and start tugging on her. "Come on! Come dance with me!"

_So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways! All my underdogs! We will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty!_

Elena and Bonnie were dancing later on when Damon stumbled over to them. He skirted around Elena, and wrapped his arms around her waist, swaying with her.

Bonnie eyed him with disdain, as per usual. "Oh… You're so smooth."

Something flashed in Damon's eyes, and Bonnie suddenly found herself in his arms. He twirled her once, reeled her in, and dipped her, placing a theatrical kiss on her throat before righting them both. "And don't you forget it."

_Dirty little freaks! Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass! Just come on and come on and raise your glass!_

Two in the morning found Elena sipping her beer with Stefan and Lindsay. Bonnie and Caroline joined them, and the five watched with varying emotions as Damon danced awkwardly with Stephie. To Elena's satisfaction, he seemed to be trying to keep at least 3 feet between himself and the girl, while she was trying to put her hands on any part of Damon she could.

Stephie finally succeeded, and her hands drifted down to Damon's backside, causing Elena to slam her beer bottle, and start forward. Stefan leapt into action, grabbing his ex-girlfriend around the waist and hauling her back.

"Hey! No violence! Come on Elena!"

For her part, Elena was flailing, trying to free herself. "I… Just… Want… To talk… To her…."


	55. Raise Your Glass part 3

**Author's Note: See bottom.**

**The lyrics are from the song Raise Your Glass by P!nk.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Oh shit! My glass is empty. That sucks. So if you're too school for cool, and you're treated like a fool. _

Eventually, Damon sidled over to Elena.

"Having fun?" he whispered into her ear.

She nodded, stifling a yawn. "Are you ready to go?"

He put his arm around her and walked her toward the door, nodding at Stefan and glaring at Caroline and Bonnie for good measure.

_You can choose to let it go. We can always, we can always party on our own._

When they got back to the apartment, Elena suddenly spun around and grabbed Damon by his collar, pulling him in the direction of the bedroom. He raised his eyebrows.

"Was that suitably normal?" he asked her.

She stopped moving her fingers along the buttons of his shirt and looked at him in the eyes. "Thank you Damon. That was nice." She paused. "Even if I wanted to rip out chunks of Stephie's hair."

Damon laughed. "Ah yes, the one with the travelling hands." He rid Elena of her shirt, and shrugged his own off. "It was worth the sexual assault to see you get all bothered."

_So raise your – Oh fuck!_

He threw her on the bed, and tore off her pants, stepping out of his own. "Are we done with normal yet?"

Elena pulled him down, and then rolled on top of him, impaling herself in the process. They both groaned and moved together.

She leaned forward, and Damon took a breast into his mouth. "Absolutely done. No more normal tonight." She cried out a little as he grazed her nipple with his blunt teeth. "Oh God, just ravage me!"

Damon stopped entirely, and looked at Elena, shocked. She'd never said anything that inviting before. "Really?"

She smirked at him. "I'm drunk, horny, and very jealous. I'm up for anything."

Damon licked his lips. "Do you trust me?" She nodded. "Alright. Remember that when you wake up from the coma I'm about to put you in."

Before Elena could respond, they were out of the bed, and she was pressed between the wall and Damon, who was behind her. His bleeding wrist appeared in front of her, and she didn't hesitate to suck the wound. She felt him pierce her throat, and he drove into her at the same time.

_So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways! All my underdogs! We will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty! Dirty little freaks! _

Elena felt a wave of pleasure break over her, starting from the core of her belly, and radiating outward. She closed her eyes, and saw fireworks.

Then she stiffened. She felt something pressing into her ass. Like, into her ass.

"Damon, what?"

Damon stopped thrusting for a moment. "Sh… You said that you trusted me, right. Just relax. I promise."

After a moment, she unclenched, and felt what she assumed was Damon's finger probing her rear orifice again. She grimaced a little at the odd sensation, and Damon thrust again lightly. Elena moaned, and he continued the motion, slowly.

A second finger was inserted, and he started stretching her out. Elena gasped, but was becoming more accustomed, little by little.

"Okay, Elena, I'm going to switch now. Just stay relaxed. It'll hurt a bit at first, but I promise, it's worth it."

Damon waited for a moment, then: "I trust you."

_So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways! All my underdogs! We will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty!_

That was all he needed, and in a moment, he withdrew his erection from Elena's centre, still slick from her arousal, and slowly inserted it into the tighter hole. Elena cried out, and Damon stilled. Then she moved her hand to cover his on the wall, and gripped tightly.

"Go. I trust you."

He pulled out slightly and then pushed in again. Elena's grip on Damon's hand tightened, but he continued to move. After a little while though, she moved his hand to her stomach, and then guided it down between her legs. He took the hint, and slid three fingers inside of her. She cried out, this time in pleasure, and moved her own hand to rub her clit.

Damon began grinding his hips faster, and was surprised to find that Elena was moving back, meeting his thrust every time. He then noticed with satisfaction that she seemed to be making a new noise in her throat, like a purring or humming.

"Good?" he asked. She opened her mouth to answer, but only nodded.

Damon could feel his release coming, from the tightness surrounding his cock, and the wetness on his fingers, and the knowledge that Elena was incoherent and touching herself in front of him. For her part, Elena found the pleasure-pain extremely satisfying, and was once again wracked with overwhelming waves of pleasure, climaxing over and over again. She felt Damon speed up, on the edge himself, and she felt the heat in her body collect at her core and tighten. At the last second, Damon reopened the wound at his wrist, and bit into Elena as she sucked from him.

There was complete silence for only a moment, and then Damon roared with release, and Elena collapsed.

_Dirty little freaks! Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass! Just come on and come on and raise your glass! For me._

"Oh God…"

Damon opened an eye after hearing Elena's exclamation. It was daylight, probably sometime in the early afternoon. He kissed her shoulder gently, and she gasped.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I can't move. Um… everything hurts." Damon tensed up. "Oh God, that was amazing!"

Damon smiled, and opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a banging at the door. Then Caroline's voice drifted through.

"I know you two are up! And I think you should know that we heard everything last night." A pause. "I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!"

**Author's Note: Well ... Ahem... I'm really interested in hearing your thoughts about that...**


	56. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XIII

**Author's Note: I was holding off on this one, but then I re-read it. Honestly, I didn't retouch it at all. It fell out of my head, through my fingers, and looks like this.**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I would die for you, my love, my love._

Following finals and the end of the first year of college, the entire group moved back to Mystic Falls. Caroline and Bonnie moved back in with their respective families, and Elena moved, for all intents and purposes, into the boarding house. It was the first time that she'd been allowed to see Jeremy since he'd turned, although they'd spoken on the phone rather frequently.

Attacks on Elena, her friends and family had augmented near the end of the academic year, and even expanded to include Lindsay and Cole, although Stefan had managed to keep the siblings safe and in the dark. Elena felt a sharp pang of guilt, knowing the stress that it was putting on Stefan's relationship with Lindsay. But he had assured her that it was his fault, that even Elena herself was just a victim of the destructive relationship between the Salvatore brothers and Katherine Pierce.

Damon rarely slept the night anymore, constantly vigilant for any sign of danger. He knew that Katherine's friends were probably biding their time, and were probably able to get in and take Elena no matter what he did, but he still kept up his protection. He noticed, much to his dismay, that the danger was taking its toll on Elena, and she began to fall back into behaviours that everyone thought had died with Katherine. But they were wrong.

One morning, Damon had left Elena sleeping, and, after checking that Stefan was awake and aware, went to hunt very quickly. When he got back, he went straight to his room to find Elena awake, curled in an armchair near the window. She was pale, and there were bags under her eyes. She had her arms wrapped around herself, and stared sightlessly out the window.

Damon cleared his throat, and Elena slowly turned her head to look at him.

"Damon, we need to talk." She received a frown and a panicked look in answer, and laughed gently. "It isn't anything bad, sort of. I just wanted to know how you see us, or me." He looked confused, so she continued. "Am I temporary to you? It's okay; I just want to know for reference I guess."

Damon crossed the room and knelt in front of her. She looked so fragile sitting there, with the pale morning sun on her face. "What could have possibly led you to think that?"

Elena's face was grim, yet there was vulnerability in her eyes that Damon rarely ever saw. "When I was breaking up with Stefan, you told me that I was an idiot for being with a vampire and not realizing that, for us to really be together, I would have to die. And," her eyes roamed to room before resting on a spot just over Damon's shoulder, "we never had the conversation, about whether or not you would turn me. I thought you didn't want me to, or you weren't sure or something."

"Elena, I –"

"No wait, I want to say this all first. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. Even when we argue, and you get all angry and violent and you leave, I know that you'll come back, because I can't imagine anything else but being with you. For the first time, Damon, someone has actually made me want to die." She looked at him in the eyes, and the fire was back. "I would die for you, if it meant being with you. I would give up everything for you, because I know that you'd do that for me."

For what seemed like an eternity, silence stretched over the entire room. Elena's eyes never left Damon's, even when he stood up and took a few steps back.

Then, he smiled. His lips pulled up into the most genuinely ecstatic smile that Elena had ever seen on his face. He took a step forward again, then back, threw his arms in the air, and paced back and forth. In the blink of an eye, he'd lifted Elena out of the chair, and swung her around.

When they stopped, he spoke. "What do you want? I want to do something for you, right now. Eggs, I can get you eggs. Oh! How about a car? I can get you an Escalade or something ridiculous like that… Or a motorcycle!"

Elena giggled. "What are you talking about?"

"You have no idea what you've just given me. I didn't want to push, and I thought that you would never, if you hadn't wanted to with Stefan, but…" He spun her around again, and clutched her tighter. "Anything! Anything you want, it's yours!"

She brought the arm that wasn't around his neck up, and touched his face. "How about I live through the next few months? Then we can look at you buying me the world, okay?"


	57. Undisclosed Desires part 1

**Author's Note: Okay, so to demonstrate the degree to which this plotline is taking me by surprise, I will confess the song that I'd originally meant to use here: Whatever You Like by T.I. It was going to be entirely about Damon spoiling the hell out of Elena. But alas...**

**The lyrics are from the song Undisclosed Desires by Muse.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

There was a knock at the door. _Our door_, I thought to myself. _A knock on the door of the bedroom that I share with Damon. This is my bed; this is my window._ I'm still getting used to the _ours_.

Another knock. I figure that it's probably another bouquet of flowers, or an old book, or something that Damon's bought for me. I smile as I go to answer. But it isn't a gift, per se. It's my brother.

"Hey Jer."

He grins at me, that same lopsided grin. We live in the same house again, but we're never alone together, and anytime that I see him we're talking about attacks and defenses. I've missed my brother.

"I noticed that Damon was gone, and he's usually pretty uh… protective of you. Figured we could talk?"

I smile as I pull him into a hug. He stiffens for a moment, and then rubs my back hesitantly. I remember then that he's still a relatively new vampire, and I pull back gently.

We go into the room and sit down on the couch. My smile is still plastered on my face, but it's becoming harder and harder to keep it there after the initial excitement has worn off. Jeremy notices.

"What's wrong Elena? And don't lie and say that you're fine, because we all know that you're not. You've gone back to how it was before… with, you know…"

I knew. And I knew that everyone was whispering it. I'd gone back to the fear and despair that plagued me before Katherine was killed, before Katherine had taken me. Of course, I couldn't say any of this, and neither could Jeremy. We stared at each other for a moment, his eyes curious and protective, mine sad and frightened.

And then, I spoke. I spoke of things that I knew others needed to hear, but I couldn't say to them. I said them all, thinking that only my brother could hear me. But little did I know that Damon was right outside the door.

_I know you've suffered, but I don't want you to hide. It's cold and loveless; I won't let you be denied._

"What are you doing?" Alaric asked me as I stood, lounging, outside my bedroom door. I glared at him in response, and he continued. "Jeremy's in there to talk to Elena privately, Damon. Maybe you should leave them alone?"

I waved a dismissive hand at my friend (_Friend? When did that happen?_). "I need to know what to do so that Elena can be Elena again. I don't want her to be scared of everything that's out there." I stopped and met Ric's eyes. "I want to give her everything, the world. I want to give her this. Make her strong again. And if the only way to do that is by eavesdropping, then eavesdrop I shall."

To my surprise, Alaric only leaned next to me, and listened through the door as well.

"You've gone back to how it was before… with, you know…"

There was a long pause, and then Elena spoke.

"It's complicated Jer. It's really really complicated. It's not so much that I'm scared of them, or I'm scared of getting hurt, or anything that people would normally be afraid of. But, when Katherine was around, I couldn't control anything." There was hoarseness to her voice, and I had to quell my instinct to burst in and hold her. "I couldn't control my relationship with Stefan, and it ended, and even though I feel so much stronger with Damon, there's a part of me that's so scared that I'll be too much trouble, and he'll leave, and there'll be nothing I can do about it."

She sobbed in earnest as my fists clenched, and then she continued. "And when she attacked, it seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop her, no matter how hard I worked to defend myself. And then, when she took me," Everything was silent. It seemed like the entire world had stopped. "The things she made me do, to me, and Mason and her. The things I felt. And it was all beyond my control. I couldn't stop her, and," Her voice dropped to a whisper, and I was sure that Alaric couldn't hear what she was saying, "Part of me didn't want to stop her, in that moment."

There was a shuffle, and I pictured Jeremy holding Elena as she cried. I let out a long breath, and stalked off, Alaric following me.

_Soothing, I'll make you feel pure. Trust me, you can be sure._

A few hours after Jeremy left me alone with my thoughts, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Damon almost all day. I felt panic drop like a stone into my stomach, and my lips tightened as I tried to keep my composure. I padded from our bedroom and started down the stairs just in time to see Damon come through the door. I exhaled and flew into his (slightly startled) embrace.

"Oh God! I thought – Well, I hadn't seen you all day, so I guess I sort of panicked." I glanced up into his eyes, and, for the first time in a long time, I couldn't read the emotion in them. "I'm sorry."

He stroked some hair out of my face. "You don't need to apologize for everything." He let me go, but grabbed my hand. "Come on, we're going outside for a bit." His eyes travelled around the house. "I want to show you something."

My initial reaction to everything lately had been dread, and so I followed Damon outside with a sense of foreboding.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart._

We walked out the door, but to my surprise, we turned and went toward the forest instead of the car. Damon led me to a clearing, where there was a couch-like lawn chair. We sat down, and he took both my hands into his own. I looked at him and frowned, confused.

"Elena, I know you're scared. You have every right and reason to be. Even though," I had averted my eyes, and he leaned over to catch them, "Even though you know that I would die to keep you safe."

"I'm not –"But Damon cut me off.

"I know. I…" he hesitated, "I was listening to what you said to Jeremy." I could feel my face flush, and I stared determinedly at the grass. "You're scared of everything getting out of control. Of having everything taken away from you again. But what you don't see is what the rest of us see." He cupped my face with his hand, and turned me to look at him again. "You are the one person who has control of everything, of every one of us."

My eyes widened and welled up. "I don't understand."

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask._

"For my part, every change that I've made, everything that I've done for the past, well, longer than two years, has been for you. About you. Based on your actions and your thoughts and your morals. What you thought was right and wrong, and how you reacted to everything going on around you. You've inspired me with every move that you've made, even if I haven't always agreed with it." He said this last with a slight smirk, and then continued.

"For Stefan, he's finally sorted out the demons that have haunted him. He's gotten control of himself, and he's even in a decent relationship with What's-Her-Name, Boy's sister."

"Lindsay and Cole," I filled in for him.

"Caroline was turned, but she wouldn't be as strong as she is now if you hadn't been standing by her the whole time. Bonnie would never have accepted her as her friend, and they wouldn't be together now. Jeremy's still new, but you are the reason he's trying so hard to hang on to his humanity, when instinct is telling him to let go. Alaric came to Mystic Falls, and is doing real good instead of running around like a vigilante, and," Damon's eyes narrowed conspiratorially, "Secretly, you're the one who inspired him to propose to Jenna. And if you hadn't done everything that you have to protect your family, Jenna wouldn't be in love with him, she wouldn't know and accept the truth, she probably wouldn't even be alive."

I was sobbing now, and I leaned my face into the crook of his neck. The feel of his skin set my blood on fire, but for once, I ignored it.

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past._

"After all this time, Katherine hurting you, and tormenting you, and raping you, it's still with you, and it probably always will be. But now," he pulled me up to look at him again, "You need to see past the pain of all of it, and realize what we've all known for a long time. You survived. You took all of it, and you're stronger because of it. You can do anything, even if you're afraid."

He probably had more to say, but I leapt into his arms, and squeezed him to me. "Oh God Damon, I'm so scared! I'm so terrified! What if I can't do it?"

He pulled back a final time and he was smiling widely, seeming almost as happy as when I told him that I wanted to turn someday. "You can."

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

Tears were streaming down Elena's face, but she leaned in and kissed me, hard. I could taste the salt as it pooled on her lips, and I held her tighter. I hadn't really known how she'd react, although I should have figured that this was high up on the list. She pushed me down, and I let her, allowing her to set the pace.

She fell on top of me, legs tangling with mine, her hair falling in curtains around us. Then she started kissing me frantically, all over my face, murmuring "Thank you!" with every breath. She pulled my collar, and we both sat up, and then she was pulling me down over her as she lay back.

Light touches burned their way up and down my sides, under my shirt, and then fingers were flying over the buttons, plucking at them until my chest was bare. Lips were kissing and sucking down my neck and collar bone, and then a nip, and a stronger bite with blunt teeth.

I growled. I hadn't meant to. I had meant to let her do everything. She only bit me again, harder, and then sucked at the mark left behind.

"Damon, this would be a really good time." And then I felt a hand delve into my back pocket, and withdraw a pocketknife. "Just this."

I looked at her in the eyes, and nodded. "I love you, Elena."

"I love you too." And then she slid the blade along the skin where she had bitten, and her mouth clamped over it, her tongue flicking over the cut, causing the edges of my vision to blur.

My canines were elongating, and there was a throbbing in my upper jaw that I knew wouldn't be satisfied until I sunk my teeth into her.

She seemed to know this, because she loosened her mouth for a moment, and murmured "Please," against my throat. I shuddered and let out a low moan. Then I leaned in, and bit into her neck, and her blood trickled into my mouth. Elena hummed, and I could feel it against my skin. Her hands were running aimlessly up and down my back, and she wrapped her legs around mine, effectively trapping me to her.

The blood sharing was causing a tension to build up in my abdomen, and I knew that Elena could feel it. Somehow, she pressed herself even closer, and bit into my neck again. I growled. My eyes glazed over, and I couldn't see anything but shapes and colours that all seemed to whisper _Elena_ into my subconscious. I reached a fever pitch, and then I felt her gasp and unclamp her lips. She let out a long moan, and my own orgasm hit, numbing me to anything else.

When I blinked away the blackness and the fog, I realized that I had collapsed over Elena. I rolled over, and held her between myself and the back of the chaise.

Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. "Is that what it's like for you, every time?"

It was the first time that we had shared blood outside of a sexual act, and she was clearly surprised by the intensity of it. I kissed her temple. "Almost. Never quite that good. That's all you."

She smiled, and pressed herself closer.


	58. Undisclosed Desires part 2

**The lyrics are from the song Undisclosed Desires by Muse.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

A horrible sense of déja vu came over me as I pounded down the stairs and launched myself at the door, Jeremy, Alaric and Stefan a few paces behind me. As soon as we got Elena, the first thing I was going to do was burn the entire Lockwood property to the fucking ground.

We were in the same cellar where Mason and Katherine had held and beaten Elena the first time, a year and a half ago. I heard the door crack under the pressure that I was exerting. I prayed, _prayed_, that Elena was alright.

"Damon, look," my brother murmured at me, and he pointed down. Smoke was rising from under the door. Stefan and I both launched ourselves forward and the door finally gave, splintering and crumbling, and thankfully, not stabbing us as we rushed through, Jeremy following and Ric bringing up the rear with his crossbow.

We all froze. The room was full of smoke, but there was no fire. In the center of the room, Elena was on the floor, kicking and striking, hissing like a wild cat. She was bloody and bruised, and her clothes were torn, but she was practically glowing. In fact, she seemed to have been glowing since even before the bastards broke into the boarding house to take her, since I had given her a very satisfying wake-up call that very morning. We hadn't even shared blood, so that couldn't be it… Unless there really was more to this whole 'sex' thing than she was letting on.

I was distracted from my thoughts when she spoke. "I will not give myself over to you. We had to fight to get Katherine; you'll have to fight to get me. If that's the justice you want."

At this we leapt into action, each taking one of the elder vampires, and causing enough of a distraction at least to allow Elena to escape. And after that, they didn't seem to care anymore.

_You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine. You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine._

Once we got back to the boarding house, Damon bundled me off to our bedroom, without leaving a chance to confer with the others. Stefan and Jeremy had both started talking at the same time, and Alaric just looked resigned to Damon's whims.

I sat on the bed in the darkened bedroom and faced him as he slowly shut the door and stood facing it.

"Damon, what's wrong?"

He was still facing the door when he answered. "Nothing's wrong. You were amazing."

I looked down at myself. I felt like a walking bruise, and I looked much worse. My clothes were completely unsalvageable.

"Then why are you acting weird?"

He finally turned to look at me, and his face displayed his frustration. "Is there something you're keeping from me? That has to do with your," he cleared his throat, "burning?"

_Please me, show me how it's done. Tease me, you are the one._

I felt the blood drain from my face. I wanted desperately to ignore what was happening, but I couldn't lie to him. I nodded slowly.

His eyes fluttered closed and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Since when?"

"Since Katherine. But it's been getting stronger. Although I think that's because of you."

He had moved forward and sat next to me on the bed. "What is it?"

I hopped up, and started pacing. "I have no idea. When it started," I took a deep breath, and thought back, "When it started, I was noticing things after sex. I could see better in the dark, or I had more energy. I could move faster, or hear better. I figured that it was just an afterglow kind of thing." I stopped, realizing that I was speaking very fast, but I just wanted to get it out.

"When you and I started having sex on a regular basis," I paused as he snorted, laughing, "it started to get more intense. Like, I threw a table across the room one time. When you followed me after the bar, and we were arguing, and I came out to apologize? We were on the floor, and I reached to grab the table leg, and it just jumped away. I didn't even touch it!"

Damon murmured, "Telekinesis," and I continued. "And when I first saw Nicolai, Mina and Francis, at the university, no one knew where the smoke came from…"

"It was you. You did the same thing just now, right?"

I nodded. "I can't control it though, it just happens." I paused, and turned to face him. "There's another thing, but I might have just dreamt it." He tilted his head. "I think I flew once. I woke up one night, and I needed to pee, and I just sort of floated." Damon looked a little alarmed. "But it really might have just been a dream!"

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart._

Damon got up and, in a few steps, stood right in front of me. "I want to try something." I cocked an eyebrow at him, and he smirked. "Not that I need an excuse, but I want to check something out." He grazed a finger along the skin of my stomach where my shirt was shredded. "Focus on something, something that you think you could do with this. Don't think about what I'm doing, just focus on you."

He kissed my cheek, then my jaw. He nipped at my earlobe, and then kissed the skin behind my ear. I shuddered. "Focus Elena. This is important." But I could feel him smirk. I glanced around the room, and my eyes landed on the bed. I focused all of my energy on the comforter. Damon, in the meantime, had sunk down to his knees, and had kissed his way from my collarbone, to my breasts, to my stomach. His tongue darted out, and he licked the skin above what was left of my pants. I shuddered again, but this time, so did the comforter.

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask._

Damon was kissing my hips as he unbuttoned my pants. He slid them down, and kissed through my panties. The comforter was slowly balling itself up, more and more as Damon's mouth came closer and closer to my now damp sex. His mouth suddenly jumped from my panties to my thighs, and I groaned, reaching down to grab his hair and move him back to where I wanted him.

He chuckled. "Focus."

"I am fucking focused, now you focus!"

With a growl, he pushed me back into the wall, following me on his knees. The comforter was sliding off the bed. I kept my hold on his head, and my eyes on the comforter, and suddenly, my underwear were torn off, and his tongue was probing my folds. The comforter was still sliding towards us, and then there were footsteps, and a knock at the door.

"Guys?" It was Stefan. I glared at the door, and, even though Damon had locked it, I saw it swing open quickly, and then slam shut again.

Damon pulled back and looked at it, then at me. My teeth were clenched, but I was able to hiss out, "Don't stop!" and he dove back in again, faster and harder this time.

The comforter was on the floor behind him, and I look back at the bed. Damon's tongue was swirling around my clit, and he slid two fingers inside of me. The pillows on the bed darted over to meet the comforter, and, with a sigh, I grabbed Damon's shoulders and pushed him back, following him down.

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past._

As I saw Elena fall with me toward the floor, I was shocked. Then my head hit a pillow, and I blinked. "What the –"But I was cut off when Elena kissed me, and tugged my t-shirt over my head. She unbuttoned my pants, and I shimmied out of them. Then I rolled her over so that I was on top, and I ripped off the tattered remains of her shirt, then her bra.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, and heat seared from my tailbone up my spine. When I opened my eyes and looked at her, I noticed that she was glowing… again.

It jarred something in my memory, something that I had long forgotten. But before I could remember, Elena pushed with her legs, and I caved, driving into her. Her nails cut into my shoulders, and we both moaned. I listened to the wind pick up outside while thrusting into her, and wondered briefly at that too. Then she nipped at my shoulder and that train of thought disappeared, only to be instantaneously replaced by another, darker thought. _Katherine. Katherine glowed. _I had figured at the time that it was a vampire thing, and forgot about it once I myself had become a vampire.

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

Damon frowned, distracted. Although being distracted mid-thrust was certainly not acceptable. I pushed and rolled us over, straddling him with his member inside of me. I started to grind, then leaned forward, teasing his lips with my nipple. In a second, he was sucking on it, and his hands were on my hips, pushing me faster and faster. Heat flowed from my heart to my fingertips, radiating throughout my body. Then Damon thrust upward and hit that spot, and I cried out. He did it again, and the heat rushed back, past my heart, to my core, and exploded. I screamed as I collapsed over him, realising as I did so that he was screaming too.

After a few moments, I opened my eyes, still breathing heavily.

Every candle in the room was lit.


	59. Undisclosed Desires part 3

**The lyrics are from the song Undisclosed Desires by Muse.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

As spring turned to summer, Elena continued to strengthen her abilities. The burning was still there, if not stronger, but the mysterious occurrences that happened post-coitus were more controllable, although not entirely.

Elena had taken up her training with Alaric again, and, on one particularly nice day, was warming up by jogging through the forest. Damon followed her, and took her against a tree. As they both groaned with release, they heard a similar noise from nearby. Looking around, they noticed that the surrounding plants, shrubs, and trees were all leaning away from them, as though something had pushed them that way.

_Please me, show me how it's done. Tease me, you are the one._

Unbeknownst to Team Salvatore ("For fucks sakes Caroline, it's getting old." "As old as you?"), their enemies had been observing Elena's behaviour, and noticed the difference in strength, both physical and supernatural. Mina, the vampiress who appeared bent on avenging Katherine's death, plucked Elena from her car in a parking lot, and walked with her down the street.

Mina took the young woman's arm, and stroked it in what was supposed to be a calming manner. "Shush precious. I'm not going to hurt you this time. That's primarily Nicolai's concern, and Francis and I are along for the ride, given how attached we were to Katherine. However, my curiosity is currently stronger than my thirst for your death, which makes you a very lucky little girl."

Seeing no way out, Elena walked calmly next to the Greek vampire. "I don't understand what you mean."

Mina giggled. "Of course you don't. If I'm right, and I'm always right, then you have no idea what you've become." She giggled again for good measure, and then changed demeanour immediately, her face serious and her eyes dark. "Now, let's see what you can do, so I can evaluate."

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart._

Elena reddened. "I can't… It's only when I've just… I can't do it right now. I'm sorry." She could see the anger brewing in Mina's eyes, and attempted to forestall it. "And I can't really control it anyway. If you let me go, I'll try to –"

Mina pressed a finger to Elena's lips to silence her. "Go. Run back to your Salvatore's, and remember that I'm watching you. I know what you are, Miss Gilbert. And you are a lot more like Katherine than you'd like."

And with that, she was gone.

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask._

Elena ran back to her car and drove, not to the boarding house, but to Bonnie's home. When she was inside, and seated with Bonnie in her room, she told her about what had just happened, confessing to Bonnie the strength and nature of the abilities that she seemed to have inherited after Katherine's death.

"I need you to help me control it Bonnie!" she finally exclaimed.

"I can try," replied the witch, patting Elena's hand, "but maybe if we knew what this was…?"

"Well, what can a vampire pass on to a human descendant when they die?"

The question remained unanswered as Bonnie went through some exercises with Elena. Hours later, they parted, and Elena finally headed back to the boarding house.

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past._

The only thing that really bothered her, Elena realized as she walked through the front door, was that Mina had implied that she really was like Katherine, which still, after all this time, stung. She wandered into the living room, where Damon and Stefan were sitting, discussing Jeremy of all things, and she sank into a chair, exhausted.

The room was silent, and Elena looked at the brothers. "Am I like Katherine? At all?"

Silence still. Stefan looked at Damon, who looked at Elena, who was looking at both of them.

Both vampires started at the same time, then stopped, then Stefan restarted. "I think… I think that at the deepest level, you are very similar." Damon growled at his brother, but Stefan continued. "But where she was ultimately and entirely selfish and self-centered, you are extremely selfless and caring, which makes you both very different."

Elena digested this, and then focused on Damon. "You kind of look like her, I guess, if you squint one eye…" He dodged a pillow. "Fine, yes, some of the stuff you've been doing lately," he narrowed his eyes and she understood that she meant her abilities, "is reminiscent of her, but we already figured that, right?"

She nodded, and then heaved herself to her feet. "I've had a long day. I think I'll just go to bed." And with that, she made her way upstairs, leaving the brothers staring after her.

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

She knew, of course, that Damon would be up momentarily, so she didn't even bother to get undressed yet. _Besides, Damon likes to do that himself_.

So when he did slide into the room, Elena was waiting. "Don't freak out, because I'm fine, but I had an encounter today."

Damon did freak out. He blurred to her side, and started patting her down, apparently checking for broken bones.

"Damon! I'm fine! Mina just wanted to talk!" She slapped Damon's hands away, and took a breath, then repeated what Mina had told her.

Damon thought for a moment, then, "It sounds like she might back you if you turn out to be what she thinks you are." Elena nodded, but Damon just frowned. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

When he refocused on Elena, he saw her biting her lip and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Really Elena? It's been like two hours?"

Elena pushed him gently. "It's been all day, jackass. And don't mock me, or else I'll find some other willing body."

That got to him. Before she knew it, they were both in the shower, naked, sharing blood and grinding into each other against the wall.


	60. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XIV

**Author's Note: So this plotline completely took me by surprise. Just sayin'... **

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I would lie for you, my love, my love._

"Miss Gilbert?"

Elena's eyes popped open, but her back was facing the balcony where the voice was coming from.

"Miss Gilbert? Are you awake?"

A bowling ball had magically appeared in her stomach. That was the only explanation that Elena could come up with for the feeling in her abdomen. Nevertheless, she slid out of the bed, softly, hoping and praying that Damon stayed asleep. Sure enough, when she glanced at him, he was sprawled on his back, his face soft and calm.

When she had gotten to the balcony door, her fears were confirmed, and she saw Nicolai, Mina and Francis standing just on the other side. They all looked as though this was a friendly call, as though they mysteriously visited on her balcony every day. Taking a deep breath and trying desperately to stop her hands from shaking, Elena opened the door and went outside.

Nicolai was all smiles, and Mina rushed toward Elena, who screamed and hopped backward, expecting an attack. Instead, she was engulfed in a suffocating hug. Francis was still standing where he had been before.

"Miss Gilbert, thank you for joining us." Nicolai inclined his head politely, and Elena nodded back, not trusting her voice. "I expect that you wish to return to bed, so I'll be brief. Mina has informed me of her suspicions regarding certain abilities that you appear to have inherited. I wonder if you might be able to demonstrate them, very quickly, so we may be able to ascertain exactly what has happened here."

He was smiling benignly, and Elena shuddered. Then she reached out her hand, hovering over a few leaves that had blown onto the balcony. She closed her eyes, and tears leaked out, as the leaves were engulfed in a quick, small tongue of flame. Her legs gave out, and she expected to fall, but hands shot out to catch her. When she opened her eyes, she saw Francis standing in front her, a hand on each of her elbows.

Mina clapped her hands and grinned at Nicolai, whose eyes had lit up. "I see," was all he said at first. After a few moments of silence, during which Elena regained her footing and Francis went back to his original spot, Nicolai smiled at Elena, although it looked more like he was baring his teeth at her. "We have an offer, Miss Gilbert. Your original assumption that we wanted you to replace Katherine has now been validated. We will spare you and all of your loved ones if you agree to join us." He seemed to think that he was giving her a wonderful treat.

Elena, for her part, was more than a little horrified. She stumbled back until she hit the wall. "You… You want me to become a vampire with you?" She almost threw up right then and there.

"Yes, of course. We would explain what you've become, and help you to control and make use of your new powers."

"Do I have a choice?"

Nicolai's smile tightened. "Of course. If you accept, you join us. If you do not, things go back to how they were, and you will die at our hands."

"Oh." Elena paused. "Well that really isn't much of a choice at all. And there's no compromise?"

Everyone seemed surprised when Francis spoke. He had a deep, velvety voice. "We do not compromise Miss Gilbert. You join us, or you die."

_I'm sorry Damon. God, I love you so much, and I wish that you never have to experience this._ "I'm sorry. I have to refuse. I've promised my life to someone else, and it is theirs to do with what they will." Elena tensed, expecting a death blow, and wishing that it wouldn't be Damon who found her body. But the three vampires simply looked mildly surprised.

Nicolai spoke again. "We are very sorry to hear it. You may return to bed, and we will return to kill you when we wish."

They each shook her hand before disappearing into the night. Elena slipped back into her room, and slid back under the covers. Damon mumbled something, and then opened his eyes, blinking at Elena blearily.

"Where were you?" he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

Her voice shockingly steady, Elena answered, "I just needed some air. Everything's fine. Go back to sleep." And she wrapped herself around him, and they slept.


	61. To The End part 1

**Authors Note: The order of songs that I had in mind for this fic was 1) Just Tonight; 2) Make Me Wanna Die; 3) To The End. Although the content was supposed to be a lot more Jeremy-centric, alas, he was relegated to absentee character for the majority of the story.**

**The lyrics are from the song To The End by My Chemical Romance.**

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_He calls the mansion not a house but a tomb. He's always choking from the stench and the fume.  
The wedding party all collapsed in the room. So send my resignation to the bride and the groom._

Elena came down the stairs the morning of Jenna and Alaric's wedding rehearsal, and stumbled right into a shouting match between Jeremy and Stefan. She knew that Damon and Stefan had been discussing whether or not Jeremy should be able to go to the wedding. Although he had been a vampire for months, he was still plagued with inexplicable bouts of anger and aggression, which only aggravated his already strong bloodlust.

However, Elena was surprised to hear that Stefan was encouraging Jeremy to go to the rehearsal, while the younger boy was refusing.

"I might hurt someone! If I can't control this, well, we all remember what happened when you lost it, huh?"

Stefan shook his head. "Stop deflecting, and trust me. You'll be fine. I wouldn't be pushing you out the door if I didn't think it was safe."

Jeremy still looked unconvinced, so Elena stepped forward. "Look, Jer. You've cooped yourself up here long enough. You're always complaining that you can't stand it in here anymore." She could see her brother caving, so she pressed on. "Just try it. If it feels out of control, I'll –" Stefan coughed, "Stefan will take you home."

_Let's go down! This elevator only goes up to ten.  
He's not around. He's always looking at men down by the pool.  
He doesn't have many friends. As they are face down and bloated snap a shot with the lens._

Jeremy ended up agreeing to leave the boarding house, but stuck to Stefan like glue. They went together to pick up Lindsay (Stefan's date) and Cole (who Jenna had quite liked) at the bus station.

After the rehearsal itself, they all went to the hall for dinner. Bonnie and Caroline met the group there, but Elena noticed when they slipped off on their own. She elbowed Damon, who waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The two aforementioned women had found an old elevator. They were able to stop it between floors, and Caroline pinned Bonnie against the wall, pressing kisses down her throat.

"We really should have reconsidered moving back in with our parents," the vampire gasped out.

Bonnie nodded, pulling at Caroline's shawl and dropping it on the floor. "You're the one who said that you didn't want to tell your mother yet." She was cut off when a hand moved up her skirt, thumb hooking around the side of her panties. Then the hand stopped, and Bonnie leaned in to capture Caroline's lips. "Don't be a tease; we don't have a ton of time here."

Bonnie untied the knot holding up Caroline's halter dress, and ran her tongue between her now naked breasts before taking a hardened nipple into her mouth. Caroline's fingers found their way inside of Bonnie, who gasped hoarsely against Caroline's nipple. The witch threw her head back and reached a hand forward, sliding into Caroline's panties, and massaging her clit. Caroline let out a low moan, and then squealed when fingers drove inside her as well. Without realizing it, they wound up on the floor, skirts around their waists, legs spread and fingers working frantically, lips meeting and parting, only to press against a shoulder, a breast, a pulse point.

Caroline felt Bonnie's walls flutter and clench as her own climax was rushing toward her. She let out a scream when it hit, feeling Bonnie's back arch before letting out a long loud sigh, and falling back to the floor.

Then, Bonnie let out a bloodcurdling scream.

_If you marry me, would you bury me? Would you carry me to the end?_

"Elena!"

Elena looked up from her plate, seeing a rather flustered looking Bonnie and Caroline (_Knew it!_) running toward her. She looked over to grin at Damon, but was over talking to Alaric and Jenna a few seats over.

"Elena, you need to get out. Take Lindsay and Cole and –" Bonnie was cut off as Jeremy shoved her to the side and dove for his sister. Elena fell backwards, but Caroline had wrenched Jeremy off his path, and was dragging him outside. Bonnie helped Elena back up, and finished speaking, but at a low whisper.

"I had a vision. Jeremy attacked you, and Stefan attacked Lindsay. There was blood everywhere!"

The hall was quiet, everyone there having just witnessed Jeremy's attempt. Elena found Damon's eyes, and Alaric let out a nervous chuckle, Jenna looking pale. Stefan, Lindsay and Cole were missing, and without another word, Elena, Bonnie and Damon rushed out.

_So say goodbye to the vows you take.  
And say goodbye to the life you make.  
And say goodbye to the heart you break, and all the cyanide you drank. _

They found Caroline outside, Stefan unconscious, and Lindsay and Cole locked in a car.

"Jeremy?" panted Elena.

"He's gone. He freaked out, saying that he didn't know what came over him, and he just bolted." Elena looked at Damon, who nodded, and was off before she could blink. "Stefan was going after Lindsay when I got out here. I got the jump on him and ploughed him into a tree. We should –"

Bonnie interrupted, "We should probably deal with them." She pointed at the terrified siblings still in the car.

**P.S.: Totally weak premise for bringing Cole back, but I love him, even though he doesn't do much. :P**


	62. To The End part 2

**The lyrics are from the song To The End by My Chemical Romance. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_She keeps a picture of the body she lends. Got nasty blisters from the money she spends.  
She's got a life of her own and it shows by the Benz she drives at 90 by the Barbies and Kens._

Someone had been contaminating Stefan and Jeremy's blood. It seemed impractical and almost impossible. It had been laced Lindsay and Elena's blood, respectively. Someone had managed to get the blood without either woman knowing, and had gotten their hands on the particular vampire's portions. Caroline and Damon hadn't been affected at all.

Elena knew who it had to be. That night, the night before the wedding, she had managed to sneak out (Damon really was a sound sleeper, given enough sex, Elena had realized), and take the blue Mustang parked in front of the house.

She sped to the rich part of town, the part with the mansions and the large estates. She pulled over at the side of the road, turned off the car, and stood outside for a moment, the wind blowing her hair around her face. After a few breaths, she cupped her hands around her mouth, and shouted "MINA!"

She wasn't disappointed. The vampiress in question appeared almost instantaneously, and pulled Elena into a hug without hesitation.

"Elena!" She saw the look on the girl's face, and frowned. "Have you come to change your mind, darling? Would you like to join us?" She looked almost hopeful.

Elena was having none of it. She wasn't even afraid. There was no effort to steady her voice or her hands. "Would you like to tell me what the fuck that was today?"

_If you ever say never too late, I'll forget all the diamonds you ate. Lost in coma and covered in cake, increase the medication. Share the vows at the wake. Kiss the bride!_

Mina's smile dropped a little, and became a predatory grin. "Wasn't it brilliant?"

"It isn't acceptable. If you want me dead, then kill me. If you want to fuck with me, then you fuck _with me_. Stefan and Damon too if that's what you need to do. But you leave my family and our friends out of it."

Elena's voice had dropped to an authoritarian tone, and Mina noticed. She took a step forward, and they stared into each other's eyes. "What makes you think, for a moment, little one, that you have any right to make any demands of us? That you have any power to protect the adopted aunt who's practically a sister, or the adopted brother who's really your cousin?"

Elena bristled. "I have nothing left to lose. You'll kill me at your discretion, but not before this wedding. You keep yourselves occupied until after the wedding, and then we'll revisit. Am I making myself clear?"

There was a pause. The wind blew harder, and no one knew whether it was from Elena's temper, or Mina's.

"Crystal."

_If you marry me, would you bury me? Would you carry me to the end?_

When Elena got back, Damon was sitting in the living room, drinking scotch. Their eyes met. Elena's gaze was hard, but softening, while Damon seemed unsure of how he felt at all.

"Where were you?"

"Dealing with something."

"Dealing with what?"

Elena strode forward and gently took the glass from Damon's hand, downed the rest, and put the glass down. "It doesn't matter. It's sorted out."

Damon's eyes flashed. "Are you keeping secrets from me?"

Elena at least looked abashed. "I'll tell you about it later. For now, can we go back to bed?"

_So say goodbye to the vows you take.  
And say goodbye to the life you make.  
And say goodbye to the heart you break, and all the cyanide you drank._

Elena fell asleep almost instantly. Damon had noted that she looked drained when she walked through the door, and she practically collapsed onto the bed, out before her head even hit the pillow.

For the first time in a long time, Damon felt a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what Elena was up to, but he was sure that he wouldn't like it. She'd been getting stronger, in many different ways, but he prayed that she wasn't taking matters into her hands that should be beyond her reach.

As he curled himself protectively around her, he slid into that place between sleeping and waking, and he dreamt of an Elena, no longer good and kind and soft, but dark and uncaring and cold. He dreamt of Katherine.


	63. To The End part 3

**The lyrics are from the song To The End by My Chemical Romance. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And say goodbye to the last parade.  
And walk away from the choice you made.  
And say goodnight to the heart you break, and all the cyanide you drank._

Jeremy decided to stay away from the wedding. Stefan had spent the entire night at the hotel with Lindsay and Cole, explaining the truth and the danger that Nicolai, Mina and Francis presented.

Damon had been watching Elena closely throughout the morning, and she noticed, but ignored it. She could feel his frustration coming off of him in waves, but she just smiled at him, and tried to sooth him. She tried on a number of new dresses that he had bought for her, just for the sake of buying them. Normally, he loved to spoil her, and sit and tell her how beautiful she was, but this morning, he was scowling, disgruntled.

"You've kept secrets from me," Elena offered as she stood in front of the mirror, half naked, choosing between two dresses.

"Not since Christmas. Not since we've been together."

Elena huffed, and laid the dresses on the bed, having decided on the wine coloured strapless. She walked over to where Damon was sitting, and knelt in front of him. "You told me, Damon, that I will do anything and everything to protect my family. That's true. And I need for you to trust me about it. I know what I'm doing."

Damon's face softened. He closed his eyes and leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. "I just don't want you to give up everything that you are for anyone else. Not Jenna or Jeremy. Not me or Stefan."

_So say goodbye to the vows you take.  
And say goodbye to the life you make.  
And say goodbye to the heart you break, and all the cyanide you drank._

When they got to the church, everything and everyone looked perfect. Jenna was glowing, Alaric was sweating, and everyone ignored what had happened the day before. Elena and Damon had almost identical conversations with the bride and groom, respectively.

"Don't worry. Nothing will happen today. It's been dealt with."

It was a beautiful ceremony. Almost every female in the room, and Alaric, were sobbing by the end, as he swooped Jenna into his arms, and they kissed passionately. Elena looked over from her place next to her aunt, and smiled at Damon, who was sitting in front of her. He winked back, and Elena blushed.

_And say goodbye to the last parade.  
And walk away from the choice you made.  
And say goodnight to the heart you break, and all the cyanide you drank._

Stefan was sitting next to Lindsay, with Cole on her other side. They both assured him that they were okay, that it was a shock, but they would adjust. Cole meant it entirely. Lindsay didn't, but she would never tell her vampire boyfriend that.

Said vampire boyfriend had noticed her stiffness and distance, but chalked it up to an effect of what had happened. She'd smiled when she looked at him, and leaned into his shoulder, and even plucked a tissue from his pocket to wipe her tears during the ceremony.

_No one will know_, she thought to herself, _no one can know_.

_To the last parade when the parties fade and the choice you made.  
To the End._

Francis stood outside the church, hidden, still, watching the goings on. His eyes followed Elena as the group posed for picture after picture.

Then, he spotted Damon, and he smiled.


	64. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XV

**Author's Note: Love this chapter. Love this chapter. Love this chapter.**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I would steal for you, my love, my love._

"So?"

Elena and Damon were in the car, driving to the wedding reception. After the tense morning, Damon had been a perfect and courteous gentleman, smiling and flirting and teasing Alaric. But Elena knew that that did not mean that he would let her secrecy go.

"Can't we just leave it? Can't you just let me keep this one?"

Brakes squealed. Damon wrenched the steering wheel, and with a bump, the car stopped abruptly. He was out before Elena could blink. She watched him through the windshield, pacing and kicking at the ground, running his hands through his hair. She got out softly, and leaned her hip against the closed door.

He glared at her. "Is it that bad Elena? What, do you have a secret boyfriend? Or are you planning on running away? Or, what, did you sell yourself to Nicolai and company?" One look at his girlfriend, and Damon knew the truth. "No. No, you wouldn't do that. You aren't that stupid!"

"It's complicated Damon," Elena pleaded.

He was on her in an instant, pressing her against the car. "Uncomplicate it."

She drew a shaky breath. Confronting an old and volatile vampire – No problem. Fighting with Damon with that look in his eyes – Terrifying.

"It started a little while ago. After Mina talked to me, outside the car. She said that she knew what I was, but she needed proof." Damon nodded stiffly. "Well, they came to get proof. They woke me up one night, from the balcony. I thought they would come in and kill us both, so I went outside. I thought for sure I would die, and I just remember thinking, 'God, I hope Damon doesn't find the body!' They just wanted to talk, and see what I could do. So I showed them, and they offered me a choice."

Damon's eyes narrowed, but he nodded, encouraging her to continue. "I could join them, and replace Katherine in their group. Or they would kill me. I told them that I'd already given my life to you, and so it wasn't my choice. So they left."

A crack. Damon had dented the car behind Elena. "Last night, I went and found Mina. I told her that if they were pissed off at us, to take it out on us. Not friends and family. If they want to kill me, then they'll have to wait until after the wedding."

It was all silent. Damon pushed back off the car, and exhaled loudly. Elena thought that she might collapse. "I didn't want to worry you if the end result would be the same anyway."

"You lied to me." A nod. "And you kept secrets, and you've been talking to them, trusting them?" More nodding. "I don't want this for you Elena. You were never supposed to have to deal with anything like this. I don't…" He had to stop, and really think about what he was about to say, because it had the power to break them, but she had to hear it. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if you turned into Katherine. If you let this world break you, and harden you." Elena's eyes were watering, and her bottom lip was quivering, but there was nothing else to say.

They got back into the car, and continued to the reception.


	65. Danced On Into The Night part 1

**Authors Note: This entire song is really going to be a nice mood-lightener as we head into the end. One more song, and then the 3 others are pretty well all the conclusion. I am shaking with anticipation and also fear of withdrawals.**

**The lyrics are from the song Danced On Into The Night by Santana featuring Chad Kroeger. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

To say that Damon was out of sorts was an understatement, although Alaric appreciated that his friend was making an effort to be at least moderately civil. Very deep and existential thoughts were running through the vampire's brain.

_Like a gift from the heavens it was easy to tell. It was love from above that could save me from hell._

Elena was his salvation, he knew it. He was better, for her. For no one else. He made an effort, and was productive and protective, and generally a positive force within the universe. And no matter how much he bluffed, he knew that he could never leave her, no matter how much like Katherine she became.

Which scared him beyond words. Elena was all goodness and light. What would happen when she wasn't any more?

_She had fire in her soul. It was easy to see how the devil himself could be pulled out of me._

She was across the room, talking to her high school friends: Caroline and Bonnie, Tyler and his date, and Matt and his fiancée. Damon was watching Elena closely, not out of jealousy, which was strange, but out of wonder.

Their eyes met, and Damon realized that he was worried about nothing. Elena would never not be Elena. No matter who attacked her, or what she went through, or how long she would exist, she could never become Katherine. It just wasn't possible.

And she knew it. He could see it in her eyes as she excused herself from her friends, and made her way over to Damon. He was still sitting as she moved in front of him, standing and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you Damon. I should have told you, not because you could do anything about it, but because we're in this together."

Every fear was burned from Damon's heart and mind.

_There were drums in the air as she started to dance. Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands._

Elena led Damon onto the dance floor, and placed his hands on her hips. She then wrapped her own arms around his neck and pulled him close, clinging as though she would drown without him.

Damon pulled back a little, and moved a hand up to capture one of hers. His other hand trailed fingers along her hip, and she gasped a little, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He led her in a dance similar to one that he'd learned as a boy, so long ago. As he twirled her and pulled her back, the other couples began to step back and watch, entranced. Alaric was rolling his eyes at the display, but Jenna's reaction was unprecedented. Damon caught a glimpse of it, and was shocked: She was smiling widely, practically glowing, at Damon's expression as he held Elena.

_And we sang a, away, away, away. And the voices rang like the angels sing.  
And singing a, away, away, away. And we danced on into the night.  
_


	66. Danced On Into The Night part 2

**The lyrics are from the song Danced On Into The Night by Santana featuring Chad Kroeger. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

Not long after they danced, Elena leaned in to Damon and pressed her lips to the sensitive skin behind his ear. No words need be spoken, so they bade goodnight to the newlyweds, and rushed off. They had only just made it to the car when Damon pushed Elena against the passenger door.

_Like a piece to the puzzle that puzzle into place, you could tell how we felt from the look on our faces._

"No more secrets?"

"No more secrets."

"No more lying?"

"No more lying."

He leaned in, and she could feel his breath in her ear. "I love you."

"I love you."

_We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes. No room left to move in between you and I._

When they pulled up to the boarding house, Elena slid along her seat in the car, and kissed Damon, running a finger from his knee up his thigh. He groaned, and she turned, sliding into his lap, her back against the driver's side door. Damon wrapped one arm around Elena's waist, and knitted his fingers through her hair, pulling her closer.

They remained like that for a while, until Damon pushed open the door, and pulled Elena out with him, still keeping her in his arms, and twirling her.

She giggled. "I thought you were mad at me?"

"No matter how angry I am with you," Another twirl, "I'll still love you, and want to spoil you, all the time. Always." Another twirl. "But I am still angry."

Elena pulled him into a heated kiss, and then whispered, "Not to set a precedent, but maybe I could make it up to you?" She was grinning.

_And we forgot where we were, and we lost track of time, and we sang to the wind as we danced through the night._

Damon skimmed his fingers under Elena's dress while still holding her up, and he bit her bottom lip.

"Make it up to me? That sounds…" He lost track of his thoughts when one of Elena's covered his, and coaxed it further up her skirt.

"I can't spoil you quite as well as you spoil me," she gasped when his fingers brushed her wetness, "But I can figure something."

Damon smiled against her skin. "Elena, why aren't you wearing panties?"

_And we sang a, away, away, away. And the voices rang like the angels sing.  
And singing a, away, away, away. And we danced on into the night._


	67. Danced On Into The Night part 3

**The lyrics are from the song Danced On Into The Night by Santana featuring Chad Kroeger. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Like a gift from the heavens it was easy to tell. It was love from above that could save me from hell._

When they eventually reached their bedroom, Damon tried to tug Elena to the bed, but she resisted. He sat down on the bed, and she stepped between his legs, biting her lip while undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. She pushed him back, ran her nails down his chest, and pulled off his dress pants.

Damon reached forward to grab her hand, but she stepped back with a secret smile. He propped his head up on his arms, and watched as Elena slowly unzipped her dress, and it slid down to the floor, revealing her naked body.

"What do you want, Damon?"

He smiled, and he felt a strange sort of anticipation. They hadn't played like this in a while. And what with them arguing recently…

"I want to see how wet you are. Show me."

Elena stepped forward, and crawled up onto the bed, swinging one leg over either of his. She trailed a hand down from her collarbone, ghosting over her nipple, over her hip bone, and between her folds. She reached her hand out, and pressed her glistening fingers to Damon's lips. He sucked on them for a moment.

"More. I want to see more."

_She had fire in her soul. It was easy to see how the devil himself could be pulled out of me._

Elena threw her head back and slid two fingers to stroke her inner walls, while her other hand massaged her clit. She heard a strangled moan, and when she opened her eyes, Damon had his own hand around his length, slowly rubbing up and down. When he caught her looking, he stopped and winked at her.

"Come closer, over my face."

She blushed, but shuffled upward, until her legs were on either side of his head. She felt his tongue lap up her juices, and he sucked on her clit. She gasped, and her legs shook. Without warning, three fingers were thrust inside her, and she cried out, waiting for the motion to bring her some release. But it never came.

"Fuck, Damon, if you want to punish me," He nipped at her bundle of nerves, "Just do it. Just punish me."

She felt him smile against her folds, and he slid his soaked fingers out, and slid them, one at a time, into her rear entrance. He pumped them a few times, stretching her out, and she let out a whimper. He stopped.

"Are you okay Elena?"

She nodded and found herself face down on the mattress. Damon kissed her shoulder, and pulled her up on her hands and knees. When she was situated, he positioned himself behind her, and waited. She let out a soft whine, and jerked her hips back, so he slid his erect member into her. She screamed a little, and Damon put his hands on her hips so they were moving in sync. With every thrust, he groaned in satisfaction.

For her part, Elena knew that she would hurt in the morning. Her arms and legs were sore, and she bumped her head into the headboard a few times. But it was worth it. She savoured the pleasure-pain, and ground back harder.

_There were drums in the air as she started to dance. Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands._

Suddenly, all the windows in the room blew open, but neither Damon nor Elena noticed. They kept up their pace until Elena was able to gasp out words.

"Damon," she moaned, "I need… I don't know what I need, but…"

He pulled out of her, and she rolled onto her back, wrapped her legs around his waist, and pulled him into her wetness. Once he was thrusting into her, she reached over and grabbed a knife from the nightstand, and sliced into Damon's shoulder, drawing blood and licking it up. Damon bit into her, and the tension inside of them mounted to almost unbearable heights. Elena was now screaming with every stroke Damon made inside of her, and Damon was making unintelligible noises from deep in his throat.

At the peak, all of the candles in the room lit up, and the flames leapt higher and higher until finally, they both screamed and came, shuddering and whimpering with their release.

_And we sang a, away, away, away. And the voices rang like the angels sing.  
And singing a, away, away, away. And we danced on into the night._


	68. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XVI

**Authors Note: I was gonna wait another couple of days for this one, but I'd really like to hear some feedback before I follow it up. There's quite a lot that I want to say here, and I feel like I've spent more time writing the AN than the actual chapter, so I'll just let it speak for itself. Four more songs y'all!**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rate M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I would die for you, my love, my love. We'll burn up in the light._

Months after the wedding, Cole was at the college library when his BlackBerry beeped, indicating an email. He shuffled his books into his other arm, and reached his left hand into his coat pocket, retrieving the device, and opening his email folder. His eyes widened as he scrolled down. The librarian jumped when his books hit the floor, but he was out the door before she could admonish him.

Six hours later, a knock woke Elena. She nudged Damon, who grunted and rolled over, but she persisted until he was conscious.

"Heartbeat?" she asked.

He frowned for a moment, then met her eyes and nodded. She got up, and padded to the door. Opening it, she was faced with a pale, shaking, sober-looking Cole. He stepped past her and sank into the sofa.

"Cole, what is it? What happened?" Elena sat down lightly next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He handed her his BlackBerry.

"_Cole,_

_I know that we haven't always been close, but you're still my baby brother, and you'll understand this more than anyone else in the world. You know, because you've gotten sucked in as well. And maybe you're okay, and maybe you're not, and you're just faking it like me, but that's just it. I'm not okay. It's not okay, and it'll never be okay again._

_I fell in love, kiddo. I didn't think that I would, especially not with Stefan. He was so damaged and dark, that I figured that maybe I could at least lighten him up a little. That's all I've ever done, is just lighten people up. But he made me dark too. And you. Elena did that to you too. They've made us like them, just a little. I know that he promised that we'd be safe, but… there's no stopping anything like them either, right? How can I keep living in a world where I could be killed, kidnapped, tortured, used and abused, at any time, in any place, with no recourse or justice?_

_The answer is that I can't. Maybe you can, maybe you can find the light again, baby brother. But I can't. I'm so scared, I can't see anything else. It's like I'm drowning and I can't even breathe anymore._

_By the time you get here, I'll already be gone. I love you._

_Lindsay" _


	69. The Freshmen part 1

**Authors Note: This song was unbelievably difficult to get out. It brought up a lot of stuff that I would have preferred stayed tucked away. But alas…**

**The lyrics are from the song The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_When I was young I knew everything, and she a punk who rarely ever took advice. Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbin' with my head on the floor. Stop a Baby's Breath and a shoe full of rice. _

It would be impossible to describe the hours after Cole had knocked at Elena's door. He had found Lindsay's body, covered in blood with her throat and wrists slit.

"Ironic," he had commented to Elena, with a bitter smile, "All that blood. It almost seems wasted, right?"

He had spent the night on the couch at the apartment, finally sobbing himself into a deep sleep while Elena sat watch. Damon had run out to find Stefan himself, to tell him the news.

Over the next few days, Cole was clearly traumatised, and reacted with extreme grief. Stefan, who was prone to extreme guilt, was drowning in it. He was practically catatonic, sitting across the room from a sobbing Cole.

Caroline, who had been friends with Lindsay, was no help, given that she was affected very strongly as well, and Bonnie was tending to her. That left Damon and Elena to take care of Cole and Stefan themselves.

_No..._  
_I can't be held responsible, 'cause she was touching her face. I won't be held responsible she fell in love in the first place._

Divide and conquer was the mindset that the couple used in their attempts to console the grief-stricken duo, although Damon felt that he was worse than useless. He sat silently with his brother while Elena scurried about, making tea and changing DVD's. She even seemed to have an unlimited amount of tissues stocked away in the apartment somewhere.

Damon finally hauled Stefan out, but was still at a loss as to what he was supposed to do. His experience with the younger Salvatore being in pain was always much less awkward: He'd swoop in, fuck up little brothers existence, gloat, then disappear. Elena had told him to just do what he did naturally, but his natural reaction was to antagonize until something happened. After hours of silent wandering, driving, and hunting, Damon finally decided to just play to his strengths.

"Well, it's not like you sliced her up, you know. It was her choice. You have a problem with that, you know. Taking responsibility for other people's choices."

A crack resonated through Damon's skull as a fist connected with his face. _Fucking finally_, he thought.

_For the life of me I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise._

"I mean, what could I have been thinking, Elena? I'm still not entirely okay with this whole Stefan-Damon-Caroline-vampire thing, but I wasn't in love with one of them! It's not like you tried to kill me you know! I don't even know how I would have reacted if I had been in her place, and I didn't even think of her!"

"She hid it well Cole. Caroline, Bonnie and I know firsthand how hard it is to adjust, and we all thought she was doing fine too."

Elena would have continued, but Cole had leapt up violently, and was pacing the room, curly brown hair floppy with each step. "Of course! You and Caroline and Bonnie know everything! How could I have forgotten? What, you start fucking vampires, and you figure out the meaning of life?"

Elena flinched. "That isn't fair, Cole. We were just trying to help."

_For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins. We were merely freshmen. _

A few hours later, Cole had fallen asleep again, with a little help from Damon's stash of bourbon at the apartment, and the vampire in question dragged his unconscious brother through the door. He dropped him unceremoniously on the living room floor, much to Elena's consternation.

"You were supposed to help him grieve Damon, not knock him out." Her hands were on her hips, and her head was cocked to the side, but her lips were trembling.

"He needed to get it out." Damon replied, before striding forward and catching Elena before she crumbled to floor, wracked with sobs. 


	70. The Freshmen part 2

**The lyrics are from the song The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her; His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept. And now he's guilt stricken sobbin' with his head on the floor, thinks about her now and how he never really wept, _

When Cole finally left the apartment to be with his family, Elena was able to talk to Stefan. After an extended amount of emotional poking and prodding, he finally confessed the reason why he felt so guilty.

"I left."

"What do you mean, you left?"

Stefan exhaled loudly, and leaned his head back on the couch, covering his eyes with his forearm. "She hadn't been the same since the wedding, which I expected. But I didn't know what to do about it. She never wanted me to leave, but she was always so jumpy around me. Finally, I told her that I thought she should take some time, and I left. I hadn't seen her for a few days before… well…"

Elena opened her mouth to speak, but she found she had nothing to say, so Stefan continued.

"You know, at first, all I thought was that I knew it would happen. I knew there was something wrong, there had been something wrong for a while, but I was trying to ignore it. And how could I expect someone normal to accept me like this? I haven't even cried, or anything. I think that pissed off Cole, that I don't even seem upset."

_He says…  
I can't be held responsible, 'cause she was touching her face. I won't be held responsible she fell in love in the first place._

A few days after the funeral, after the parents had gone back home, and everything was supposed to have started going back to normal, Cole showed up at the apartment again. He didn't even knock this time, he just barged in. Elena and Stefan were the only ones there, and so he strode to the vampire, pulled back his fist and let it fly forward into a truly magnificent left hook. Unfortunately, he hooked a vampire, a grieving vampire no less, which is a generally stupid thing to do.

The young man was up against the wall, a forearm pressed to his throat before he realized what had happened. Elena stood in the background, trying desperately to convince the two to calm down, but to no avail. Cole kicked his leg out, getting Stefan in the knee, and hit the floor, scrambling up and flying at the vampire again. They rolled around a little, and Elena finally gave up, moving the coffee table back when she realized that Stefan wasn't even trying, and so neither of them was likely to get badly hurt.

With a final shove, Cole snarled, "It was your fault! She loved you, and you hurt her!"

Stefan's face was blank as he responded calmly, "I can do a lot of things, Cole, but I can't control how she really felt. That was her choice."

_For the life of me I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise._

Later that night, Elena was in bed with Damon. She'd been writing in her journal, and he was pretending not to read over her shoulder, when she stopped and looked at him.

"Were we crazy?"

Damon blinked. "Come again?"

She sighed. "Were we crazy to think that we could be normal? You guys are all vampires, Bonnie's a witch, I'm… unresolved. Were we crazy to think that we could have normal people knit into our lives, and they would be okay?"

_For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins. We were merely freshmen. _

Damon stroked Elena's cheek softly. "You can't just cut people out of your life. I could, and I did, and look where that got me." He looked around and feigned a look of surprise. "Actually, I'm in a really great place right now." That earned him a groan, so he continued with his former train of thought. "People will get hurt, no matter who you are, no matter what you are. People get hurt. It's an occupational hazard of being human, or of ever having been human."

Elena nodded, and kissed him on the cheek, before rolling over and falling asleep. She had seemed convinced, Damon thought, but he knew better.


	71. The Freshmen part 3

**The lyrics are from the song The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_We've tried to wash our hands of all of this. We never talk of our lack in relationships, and how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor. We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, _

October rolled around, and life seemed to get back to normal. Cole had returned to classes, and people weren't stopping him on campus anymore to express their superficial condolences. Despite his sister's dying warning, he spent more time than ever with Team Salvatore, sometimes not saying anything at all. But he knew that he would explode if he were stuck with any other group of people, pretending that Lindsay had been crazy from the start. He knew the truth.

Much to Damon's dismay, Elena was spending more time with her human companion. Although Damon would die before he let her know how he felt about the situation, he couldn't help but fear that she'd choose to leave him alone, in the dark again, and she would return to the light, where she belonged.

_We'd say…  
I can't be held responsible, 'cause she was touching her face. I won't be held responsible she fell in love in the first place._

The fall wind was blowing, and Stefan heard footsteps behind him at the cemetery. He didn't turn when Elena looped her arm through his.

"How are you holding up?"

He blew out. "Better every day. I've seen a lot of people come and go, but never this way. I have a hard time understanding it."

"It's impossible to understand. Caroline told me that I should get it more than anyone, and I really don't."

They were silent for a few minutes before Stefan spoke again.

"After you, I promised myself that I wouldn't drag someone into this again, but look what happened." He turned to meet her eyes, "What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this to people?"

"You know," Elena was smiling a little, "I had almost the exact same discussion with Damon." Stefan snorted. "And do you know what he said? He said, 'People will get hurt, no matter who you are, no matter what you are. People get hurt.'"

_For the life of me I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise._

That night, Elena came home to an empty apartment. It felt strange, given everything. Usually Stefan and/or Cole would be over, and Damon almost never left her side. Caroline was spending more and more time at Bonnie's, but she was still home periodically.

She walked over to the window that overlooked the street. From there, she saw Francis standing on the sidewalk, looking back at her. She frowned as he inclined his head in her direction, and was gone in the blink of an eye.

That was the last straw for Elena, who fell, sobbing, on the floor. A friend had died, another friend was broken for life, two of her best friends were still sometimes paralysed by grief, and she felt like Damon was pulling away too. She was going to die soon, she knew it, and she would be alone when it happened. She tried desperately to remember what it felt like, in June, at the wedding, when she'd stood so strong in front of Mina and given her orders, like it was her right. She wanted to recapture that confidence, but she was just so exhausted, bogged down in sadness and sympathy.

_For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins. We were merely freshmen. _

She was there for a while before Damon found her. He sat next to her on the floor, and pulled her close, stroking her hair and whispering nonsense until the sobs subsided, and Elena was wracked with hiccups.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest, "So much Damon. It's the only thing keeping me afloat right now, and I can't lose you."

"You won't," he answered, face pressed into her hair, "I'll be here forever, even if you can't take the dark anymore. Even if you want to go back to the light."

She laughed bitterly at that, and pulled away from his chest, but remained in his arms. "You know, in the message she sent to Cole, she blamed me." Elena didn't have to say that she was referring to Lindsay, "She said that I'd brought darkness into his life, and that he may never be able to find the light again." She kissed Damon lightly on the mouth. "But, we don't live in the dark, you know. Right now, we're being threatened, and we're still reeling from what she did, but there's so much light in our lives too. Like Jenna and Alaric being married, and Caroline and Bonnie being so adorable and perfect together." Elena leaned her forehead against Damon's, and shut her eyes. "We can still live in the light."


	72. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XVII

**Authors Note: We're nearing the end of the story (although the sequel is currently in progress), and I noticed a few things. There's a couple of songs that I had written entirely before deciding not to post them. As well, there are some scenes, or alternate points of view that I have saved, and a couple of one-shots. Is there any interest in seeing these things posted? Please let me know via a quick review!**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rate M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everytime I look inside your eyes, I'm burning in the light._

I had spent a week in Mystic Falls, the longest that Elena and I had been apart since we'd gotten together. Add to that all the time that I was spending trying to find Nicolai, Mina and Francis. And the fact that every time I did go looking for them I was mysteriously attacked, with the attacker taking off before I could see them… All I wanted to do was be with Elena.

The whole time that I'd spent in Mystic Falls with Jeremy, very kindly coaching him through the bloodlust now that he was back into society, all I could think about was Elena. Elena as a vampire. How she would react to the bloodlust, and the general lust once the vampiric amplification of emotions happened.

Just the thought got me so worked up, I didn't know if I could control myself once I got back.

I snuck into the apartment, and waited in her bedroom doorway, watching her. She was doing homework at her desk, bouncing up and down and chewing on her pen. I sped behind her, and before she could turn, I leaned down to press my lips to her neck.

"Mmm… Damon?"

"Yes?" My reply was muffled as I kissed down her shoulder.

"Damon, I actually need to talk to you."

I ignored her, spinning her chair around and dropping to my knees. I rubbed my hands up and down her thighs while licking and nipping my way down her collarbone.

"Damon," I kissed her on her lips, "Damon," I groaned this time, but kept going, "How do you feel… about going back… to Mystic Falls… for Thanksgiving."

I moved down to her neck, and slid my hands up her shirt. "Fine, whatever you want."

I was trying very hard to keep going. Every time I touched her, a jolt ran through me and I needed to touch her more and more.

Unfortunately, Elena had other plans.

She put her hands on my shoulders, and seemed to be trying to simultaneously pull me closer and push me away. I took the opportunity to pull her into my arms and shift us over to the bed. By the time Elena opened her eyes, her legs were locked around me and I was pressed on top of her. I pulled off her shirt, grazing her skin and making her gasp, before dropping my head and running my lips along the borders of her bra.

"So… ahhh… You don't mind if a few people," Elena gasped as I pulled off the bra and threw it across the room, pulling a nipple into my mouth, "Come with us?"

My hands were ghosting over her sides, and I replied as I switched breasts. "Like who?"

"Oh, you know," Her fingers were tangled in my hair, and I flicked my tongue over the sensitive nipple, "The usual… Caroline, Bonnie, Stefan…" At the mention of my brother, I stopped, and Elena groaned. "What? What are you doing?"

"Elena, I'm trying to work here, please stop talking. Especially about Stefan."

She stayed silent, so I smiled and returned to kissing my way down her body. I'd just reached her belly button when she started talking again.

"And, maybe it would be nice," I bit her hipbone and she squealed, "If we invited Cole?"

I had been unbuttoning her pants, and I stopped to look at her. A growl escaped my throat. Her thinking about _Stefan_ while I was trying to seduce her was bad enough, but _Cole_.

I yanked off her jeans violently, and felt my erection twitch when I realized that she wasn't wearing any underwear. I crawled up her body, taking care to rub my denim-clad thigh against her wetness. _I was saving this for a special occasion, but I guess this will have to do_.

When I was just above her face, I said, "Elena, if you can't keep quiet and let me focus, I'm going to gag you." Her eyes widened, and then she laughed lightly. _Oh ho! She thinks I'm joking!_ I nodded to myself and got off the bed. "Right, okay then."

"Hey! Where are you going?" she cried as I reached under the bed and pulled out a black duffel bag. "What is that?" Too quick for her to see, I grabbed one of her ankles and tied it to the bedpost with a scarf. "Hey! Fine, I'll behave!" Her words were belied by the fact that her legs had clamped together and she had folded her arms over her chest.

I shook my head. "Nope, too late, you lost your chance." Then I glanced at her now-crossed legs, and lightly slid a finger up her thighs, stopping just before I reached her dampened curls, and slid it back down again. "Elena…"

I met her eyes, and she cocked an eyebrow at me. Still watching her, I flattened my hand and pressed it between her legs, moving it up again until I rubbed her clit with my thumb. She gasped, and I felt the tension in my pants grown tighter. Elena's legs opened slightly, so I grabbed her knee, and very gently pried her legs apart. I slid one finger inside of her, and moaned at how wet she was already. She gasped and arched her back, grinding instinctively against my hand. All I wanted to do was taste her, but instead I bound her other ankle to the other bedpost, keeping her legs spread.

She opened her eyes and saw her ankle. "You jackass," she breathed. I smirked at her, running my hands up her sides to her arms, pressing them above her head and holding both wrists in place with one hand. I leaned in toward her, and she jerked up and pulled me into a kiss. I smiled against her lips, and it wasn't until she fell back onto the bed that she noticed that I'd tied her arms up as well. "Oh for fucks sake Damon!"

I laughed. "Exactly Elena! For fucks sake!" I kissed her lightly on her lips, and gagged her.

She seemed to try to say something that sounded like _This is ridiculous!_ but all that came out was a muffled noise. I laughed again, then sat back to admire my handiwork.

Elena's head was thrown back indignantly, but there was a fire in her eyes that meant that she was burning inside. Her chest heaved, causing her breasts to rise and fall erotically. Her stomach was taut as she stretched. Her legs parted to reveal her throbbing and soaked slit. I swallowed hard, feeling my shaft swell.

Perfection. That's the only term I could use to describe the sight. Or fucking hot, but perfection seems better. Elena was trying to speak again.

"You know, my love, you should just sit back and enjoy this." She jerked a little, so I smiled encouragingly. "Oh, you know that I wouldn't do it if I didn't think that you'd like it."

And with that, I went to work.


	73. How You Remind Me part 1

**Author's Note: This song is pretty much the beginning of the end of the story. Enjoy!**

**The lyrics are from the song How You Remind Me by Nickelback. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Never made it as a wise man, I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'. Tired of livin' like a blind man, I'm sick inside without a sense of feelin._

Well, that'll teach me to try and talk to Damon after a week of not seeing him. Not that I'm complaining of course, although I'd never tell him that. Being spread out in front of him and watching his pupils dilate and his fangs elongate. I closed my eyes and imagined what it will feel like, when I turn, to be able to pin Damon down, and sink my teeth into him…

I heard a zip, and opened my eyes. Damon was undoing his pants, trying to loosen the pressure there. I twitched, anticipation taking my excitement higher.

He leaned over me. "You know, if you hadn't interrupted me earlier, we'd be done by now." He stopped for a second and smirked. "So I guess I should thank you properly."

He moved down my neck and nibbled at the pulse point there, and without warning, thrust two fingers inside of me, hard. A noise escaped my throat, somewhere between a groan and a growl, and I felt Damon's member twitch against my thigh. "I love it when you make that sound." He stroked my inner walls, and I ground against his hand. "How's that heat thing treating you?"

_It's killing me_, is what I tried to say. But all that came out was muffled noise against the gag, and I instead focused on sending some of the fire running under my skin into him. His breath hitched when he felt it, and he inserted a third finger.

_And this is how you remind me. __This is how you remind me of what I really am.  
This is how you remind me of what I really am._

Damon moved down to capture a nipple, and I arched upward. I wanted, needed, everything harder, faster, rougher.

I wanted to tear out of the bonds that were holding me to the bed, and roll Damon onto the floor, and ride him until he begged. I wanted him to slam me into the wall; I wanted to feel the plaster crack against my body, and Damon's skin bruise under my fingers…

His breath was coming in short pants now, and he stopped for a moment. I groaned my displeasure and wriggled beneath him, trying to create some friction for myself.

He quirked a grin at me, and slid even lower, taking my clit into his mouth and continuing to thrust. I squealed and gasped as he worked me, still rolling my hips against his hand.

"Mmm… Elena… You taste so good."_ I know where I taste better_, I tried to say. He seemed to read my mind. "Do you want me to bite you?"

A pleading noise escaped my throat and Damon stopped. His mouth stopped moving, and his hand stopped thrusting and rubbing. I growled again. He leaned in close to my ear, and I felt his cool breath as he whispered, "You have no idea what it does to me when you do that."

_It's not like you to say sorry. I was waiting on a different story. This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breakin'. _

Damon untied my arms, and in an instant, my fingers were flying down the buttons of his shirt, and moving down to his pants. By the time he got the gag off me, he was practically naked, and I shoved my hand under his boxers, pumping him slowly at first, then harder.

"Ohh God! Elena, you need to slow down!"

I couldn't. My entire body was throbbing. There was too much in my veins; too much blood, too much heat. I imagined pulling Damon's head down to my neck, and sliding my own fangs into his throat. It only made my need stronger. "No, I need you inside of me. All of you!"

There was no thinking anymore. Instinct took over, and Damon's fangs extended and dug into my throat at the same moment as he pounded into me. My legs were struggling against my bonds, bruising and cutting into the skin there. I didn't care; all I wanted was to have him, to take him. I wrapped my arms around his back and dragged my nails down, crying out with every thrust.

His mouth withdrew from my neck, and he kissed me. I slipped my tongue between his lips and licked my blood from inside his mouth. He growled and moaned, and with a final push, my walls clamped down on his shaft, and he spilled himself inside of me.

_I've been wrong; I've been down to the bottom of every bottle.  
These five words in my head scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
No, No. _

My orgasm rolled over me in waves, and I lay shaking for minutes before Damon untied my legs. I felt amazing, and I rolled over, kissing his shoulder.

But something was missing. Something vital. I felt like, even though I was able to control the heat, there was something that didn't fit. Some part of me that hadn't changed yet.

Still, "So, it's okay if I invite Cole?"


	74. How You Remind Me part 2

**The lyrics are from the song How You Remind Me by Nickelback. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_It's not like you didn't know that I said I love you, and I swear I still do. It must have been so bad, 'cause living with me must have damn near killed you._

I walked into Elena's apartment to surprise her when her class ended. Too bad I wasn't the only one.

"Hey?" It was Cole. Why was it that every time he talked to me, he sounded like he was asking a question?

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, stepping between him and the television.

The boy shrugged, "Waiting for Elena? She has class."

I was getting frustrated. "I know that," I spat through gritted teeth, "She's my girlfriend."

It was quiet for a few moments, and I went to the kitchen. If I was going to deal with the boy, I'd need a snack. Unfortunately, Caroline had taken to hiding her blood packs from me, so when Cole followed me into the brightly lit room, I was stuck searching through the cupboards.

"So, she's your girlfriend," I turned from the cupboard under the sink to glare at him, "But she never calls you her boyfriend?

"Well," I was running my hand along the top of the cupboards, "That's because I'm neither a boy, nor am I particularly friendly." _Aha!_ I had found a key. Now what did it unlock.

_This is how you remind me of what I really am.  
This is how you remind me of what I really am._

I turned and left the room, searching the dining room for something that fit the key. Idiot followed me.

"So, if you're a vampire and you two are together… Is she going to become a vampire?"

"Yes," I hissed out.

"Oh. Well that's cool I guess."

I stopped what I was doing and stared at him. "Stop doing that." He looked confused (as per usual). "Stop acting like we're friends, boy. I only have, well, I guess one friend."

"Elena?"

"No, idiot. Alaric. Elena's my girlfriend, that's a whole different level. Are you socially retarded?"

"What about Stefan?"

"How are you so stupid?" I spoke slowly. "Stefan is my brother."

"So, let's say that you count as having three 'friends'. How does someone get to be your friend?"

I grinned menacingly at him. "Well, I've tried to kill all of them."

_It's not like you to say sorry. I was waiting on a different story. This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breakin'. _

At this point, Elena walked in. Cole turned around to meet her at the door.

"Damon tried to kill you?"

I laughed lightly as I continued my search until I felt someone smack the back of my head. I stood up and turned to see Elena glaring at me with mock indignation. "Why are you freaking him out?"

"It's true! I tried compelling you away from Stefan, then seducing you away from Stefan, then I threatened to kill you at the tomb, and now we're in loooove!" I sang the last part. "Besides, I shouldn't be left alone with impressionable minds. Get rid of him so I can have my snack, and we can be alone."

"No." I frowned at her. "I told him we could hang out tonight."

My jealousy made a full reappearance. "So you'd rather spend time with him than with me?"

Cole was trying to melt into the couch in the living room, and Elena leaned against the wall, her hip jutting out and her arms crossed. "Damon, please don't start this again. We've talked about it."

My temper flared. I couldn't help it. No matter how much I denied it to everyone else, I was whipped. All that I ever wanted to do was be around Elena, hold Elena, talk to Elena, fuck Elena. And here she was, not wanting to be around me.

_I've been wrong; I've been down to the bottom of every bottle.  
These five words in my head scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
Yet? Yet? Yet? No, No. _

But she was still talking. "And it's not like you've been available that much anyway."

"For you! Looking for _them_ for _you_!"

"Yes! And you've been getting attacked every time! And I told you just to stay here with me, but do you bother?"

There were a few moments of complete silence. The world had shrunk down to just Elena and me.

"Yeah, I dimly remember that jealousy talk that you were referring to. And do you know what else I remember talking about, but never actually following up on? Turning you. Are you having second thoughts? Are you changing your mind maybe?"

Elena's face fell, and she tried to say something, but stopped short.

I nodded at her, and blurred out the door. I'd find a willing donor somewhere else.


	75. How You Remind Me part 3

**The lyrics are from the song How You Remind Me by Nickelback. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_Never made is as a wise man. I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing,  
And this is how you remind me. This is how you remind me._

It was a few days before Thanksgiving, and Damon and I were alone in the car, driving back to Mystic Falls. Cole had very wisely decided to ride with Stefan, even though things were still very tense between them. Probably not as tense as things between Damon and I though.

We'd been following a black SUV almost the whole way, and Damon was adamantly not passing them. The car ride was dragging, and the silence was impregnated with things that we weren't saying.

We were near Mystic Falls when I reached over to hold his hand. "I love you Damon. You know that right." He kept staring at the tail lights of the SUV. "You know how much I want you to turn me Damon, you have to." I could feel my eyes tearing up, and I wiped my face.

He sighed, and hit the turn signal to pull into the gas station up the road. The SUV slid in ahead of us, but he pulled the car off to the side and parked.

_This is how you remind me of what I really am.  
This is how you remind me of what I really am._

"Elena," he began in a tone that reminded me of the time before we'd gotten together, when he was still treating me like a small child who needed to be led by the hand, "It's ok if you're scared, or if you've changed your mind about turning." He was staring at his lap. "Or about us."

I couldn't take it. I slid across the seat and locked my arms around him. "Never Damon. This is what I want. YOU are what I want." I kissed his jaw, but he was still looking down, so I continued. "It's nice sometimes, when I'm hanging out with Cole, to pretend I'm normal."

Damon twitched, but I continued. "But that's me. Pretending to be normal. I know that I'm not anymore. Too much has happened; I'm too different to ever go back. And even if I could, I could never let you go. I could never leave you. I love you too much."

He was still looking down, and it was frustrating me, so I cheated a little. "And I want this too much. I want to be able to claim you," I was blushing now, "I want to be able to fight you when we're angry, instead of just getting worked up and having nowhere to put the energy. I want to feel you take me so hard the bed breaks. I want to –"

_It's not like you to say sorry. I was waiting on a different story. This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breakin'. _

The words never got out, because I was pushed onto my back, Damon's lips attacking every part of me. I pushed off his jacket, and pulled off his t-shirt, then sat up and shed my own. He made quick work of his jeans, and I pulled up my skirt. He ripped my panties right off, and entered me so hard my head hit the passenger door. It didn't matter; there was a point to prove here.

I sucked on the skin of his neck while fishing through the glove box for something sharp. Soon, there was blood trickling into my mouth, and he bit me. My pulse was beating in time his thrusting, and my legs locked around him, urging him to go harder, to bruise me, hurt me, make me bleed. I was biting the cut at his throat, trying desperately to find satisfaction with my blunt human teeth.

I growled, and Damon pulled back to whisper in my ear, "I can't wait to turn you. I can't wait to fuck you until the house comes down around us." He shifted his hips a little, and hit a little further inside of me. There were black and bright colours around the edge of my vision now. "Come with me," he groaned out.

I nodded weakly, grabbing his hand and guiding him to my clit. We rubbed it a few times as he pushed harder and harder. I reached up with my other arm to grab the door handle just as my body exploded with pleasure. I screamed and Damon groaned, and we collapsed in a sweaty, bloody heap.

_I've been wrong; I've been down to the bottom of every bottle.  
These five words in my head scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
No, No._

"We can't even be alone together when we're arguing," I said once we'd gotten back on the highway. Damon just looked at me and grinned back.

I looked ahead just in time to see the black SUV suddenly brake and reverse, heading straight for us.

"DAMON NO!"


	76. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XVIII

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rate M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everytime I look inside your eyes, I'm burning in the light._

My head hurts. Why does my head hurt? I open my eyes, and touch the side of my skull, and when I pull my fingers back, they're covered in blood. Then I remember. The car spun around a bunch of times. I must have hit the door really hard. I look over to the driver's seat, but Damon's gone. Where the hell did he go? Then the door is wrenched open, and I feel arms pull me out. I tilt my head back and see Mina lift me to my feet.

She hasn't said anything, or giggled, or smiled at all. That's strange, because it seems to me that she's always smiling. The car's making a funny noise. Poor Damon; He'll be pissed if they damaged his car at all. Damon… Where is he? Mina pushes me forward, and I think, _Oh, I hope he got away_. We knew that it would come to this, but as long as he's alright, I can… Oh God!

As soon as I see Damon, on his knees in Nicolai's grasp, my mind clears and my blood boils. I panic, but I try to think fast, try to figure out something while Mina shoves me along.

Nicolai speaks. "We've decided, children, that given your recent treatment of us, the original plan was not enough to teach you proper respect." He wrenches Damon's head, and continues, looking me in the eyes. "You, my dear, will only be hurt if he is hurt, we have learned that much about you. And the Salvatore's will only learn their lesson when you are dead. Don't worry," I had started to struggle, "Francis is on his way to drag the younger brother back."

I look around, and wonder whether I should even bother calling for Stefan. My thoughts are interrupted when Nicolai takes a few steps toward me, still gripping Damon's hair so his head is tilted at an awkward angle. I start forward again, only to have Mina yank my arm, making me cry out.

"You will be well taken care of," Nicolai says as he reaches out to stroke my cheek, "The other boy will be here in time to collect your body." And faster than I can see, he pulls out a vervain dart, and stabs it into Damon's throat. A scream escapes him, and I cry out as well, struggling to get free.

My free arm swings around, and I grab Mina, focusing with everything in me on burning her. The smoke starts from beneath my hand, and she screams as her arm is engulfed in flames. I'm thrown to the ground, but I scramble up.

As I look around, I notice Damon struggling, trying to free himself even as he's stabbed with vervain again and again. His skin is turning grey and I run toward him. Nicolai tosses him to the side and tackles me to the ground. The spot where he'd been a moment before is smoking, and the earth is shaking from where my hands are gripping the grass.

My eyes meet Damon's as he starts to fade. "Damon! Damon, no! Damon look at me!" His eyelids droop. "NO! DAMON! DAMON NO! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"

Nicolai yanks me up and grips my head in his hands. My eyes are still on Damon, willing him to get up. He has to get up. Mina, still injured, hoists Damon over her shoulder and loads him into their SUV.

"DAMON! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

Nicolai chuckles. "He's still alive, but in great pain, as he will be for the rest of his miserable existence. He'll be useful, we've been testing him. But you…"

He jerks his hands, and my head twists to the side. Pain shoots down my spine.

Blackness.


	77. Bloodstream part 1

**Author's Note: For the record, I'm sitting in my hotel room pouting because none of the channels in this city play the new episode of Vampire Diaries until tomorrow night. **

**The lyrics are from the song Bloodstream by Stateless. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

"Whoa! Why are we turning around? Who just called?"

The car spun around and Stefan threw his cell phone onto the dashboard as Cole gripped the door handle. "We have to go back. Elena and Damon are in trouble."

They flew back along the highway, never speaking, but terrifying scenarios running through both of their minds. When they saw the blue Mustang, dented and simmering in the ditch, Stefan leapt from his still-moving car and blurred across the road. His eyes scanned the scene until they fell on a lump further in field.

_Wake up. Look me in the eyes again. I need to feel your hand upon my face._

He was immediately across the grass, and on his knees, pulling Elena's head into his lap.

"Oh God! Elena, wake up! Come on Elena!" Her head dropped to the side, and he knew she was gone.

"Stefan? What the hell? Is that Elena?"

With a frown, Stefan turned to the voice. He was expecting Cole to have followed him, but the man behind him was…

"Matt?"

"I was driving back home, and I saw the crash. Is she… I mean, she's gonna be fine, right?" Cole had caught up at this point, and Matt turned to him. "Hurry up! Call an ambulance!"

_Words can be like knives, they can cut you open. And the silence surrounds you, and holds you._

"Matt…" Stefan began, still clutching at Elena's cold body, "Matt, it's too late."

Cole stepped forward as Matt stood completely still. "Stefan, is she… will she turn?"

The blonde man whipped around. "What the hell does that mean? She's dead!"

"Calm down Matt. It doesn't mean anything, he's just in shock."

Matt nodded, and edged away from Cole. "Well, we still have to call the cops, or something."

Stefan stood up, carrying Elena, and walked back toward the cars. "Matt, you should leave. Go home. I'll call you when we get back."

"What?" Matt grabbed Stefan's arm and tried to spin him back around. "You can't just leave with her! We have to call someone!"

_I think I might've inhaled you; I could feel you behind my eyes.  
You've gotten into my bloodstream; I could feel you floating in me._

From deep within the sea of unconsciousness, Elena was floating. She felt no pain, no anxiety. She was free from everything, cushioned in warm air and free-falling. As she became aware, a pounding began, louder and louder. It surrounded her, as a sound, and then everything she saw was pounding as well.

And then, something changed. Elena felt something. She was heavy. She was. The pounding around her sounded like a heartbeat, but she became aware that her heart wasn't beating. But there was something flowing through her veins. _Damon_. And then she inhaled, and that was all she could smell. _Damon_. And then she blinked, and that was all she could see. _Damon_. And the pounding became a voice, and it was all that she could hear. _Damon_.


	78. Bloodstream part 2

**Author's Note: Not really relevant here, but I think that what Cole's saying is really important. Not to the plot, but just to his development.**

**The lyrics are from the song Bloodstream by Stateless. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

"Stefan, what the fuck is going on?" Matt had burst through the doors of the boarding house, making Cole jump from his spot on the couch. He rushed over to the door, and ran right into the quarterback.

"Matt, you don't understand. I know that we don't know each other that well, but trust me, just go home. It isn't worth it!"

At that moment, Stefan came down the stairs and stopped right in front of Matt. "No, Cole, it's time that he knew. And he's already seen too much."

"Can't you just… you know?"

Stefan shook his head, his eyes still locked with Matt's. "I wouldn't. Not to him."

_Words can be like knives, they can cut you open._

"What the fuck does that mean? Stefan, tell me what happened!"

With a sigh, the vampire walked into the parlour, followed by Cole, and a reluctant Matt. When the two humans were seated, Stefan paced, considering how to begin.

"Matt, there's a chance that Elena might wake up." Matt frowned, Cole's jaw dropped, and Stefan pressed on. He was speaking slowly, as though to a child. "Vampires killed her. Just like when vampire's attacked Vicki, just like in high school, when people kept dying."

"How do you know this? Are you -?"

Stefan nodded. "I'm a vampire. So is, was, my brother Damon."

This time, Cole spoke. "What do you think happened to Damon? He wasn't there, I checked. He was gone. Do you think he -?"

Stefan cut him off. "I can't, Cole, not right now. It's enough with Elena, I can't think about…" He shook his head.

"Were you, what was it, turned in high school?" Matt asked.

Stefan smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I've been a vampire for a lot longer than that."

"How much longer than that?"

_And the silence surrounds you, and holds you._

Stefan was silent, and Cole felt the tension. "How much longer?" Matt insisted.

"I was born in 1847 in Mystic Falls."

It was quiet, as Matt processed this. Stefan clapped him on the shoulder, and then nodded at Cole, indicating to him to follow. They both went upstairs into Damon's room, where Elena's body was laid out on the bed. They stood there silently until Matt joined them.

"So, what's gonna happen to her?"

"Do you think that those badass vampires turned her?" Cole asked Stefan.

"They may have. It's a slight chance, but it's there."

Cole fidgeted with the zipper of his jacket. "There's another chance," he began, and both Stefan and Matt turned to look at him, "I was talking to Damon, a few days ago. I asked if, since he was a vampire and he and Elena were together, if Elena was going to turn. He said yes." Stefan flinched and Matt glowered. "I heard them talking later on. She had asked him to turn her."

Stefan shook his head. "I hadn't even considered that. I should have, I guess, but she'd never…" He spun around and ran his fist into the wall.

_I think I might've inhaled you; I could feel you behind my eyes.  
You've gotten into my bloodstream; I could feel you floating in me._

There was one thought running through Elena's unconscious mind.

_Damon. Damon. Damon_.

But where was he? And where was she? The pounding and pulsing throughout her little world and her metaphysical body was coming on harder now. She was jolted every so often with something akin to pain. And in her spine (_I have a spine._) she felt a tug, like she was being drawn backwards.

In her head and neck (_I have a head and neck._) there was a tingling sensation, and as she rushed back, her body felt fresh and new. And as the tingling spread, she remembered things. They took Damon. _Damon_. They were getting Stefan. _Damon_. Cole was with Stefan. _Damon. _Caroline, Bonnie, Jeremy, Jenna and Alaric should be safe enough. _Damon_. It was only her and the Salvatore's they were after anyway. _Damon._

She felt the familiar heat return to her skin, but it was stronger, and felt more natural somehow. Along with the heat, her insides felt dry. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

And with a jerk, she was physical again. She felt her body, all intact. She was hungry and thirsty all at once. And, surprisingly, there was a pool of heat coiled in her lower abdomen. She heard voices around her.

_Damon_.

She opened her eyes.


	79. Bloodstream part 3

**Author's Note: There's a tentative list of songs for the sequel in my profile if you're interested. Seeing as how there are two chapters after this one, I'd really like to hear your thoughts on how things are wrapping up. I was re-reading Just Tonight today, and I can't believe how far things have gone!**

**The lyrics are from the song Bloodstream by Stateless. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

Matt jerked. He could have sworn he'd seen Elena's body move. He jerked again. Her feet twitched, then her hands. Then slowly, her eyes opened and she stared at the ceiling.

"Uh, guys…" Stefan and Cole had been murmuring near the door, while Matt had just stared at Elena's dead body. _Not so dead anymore… This is unreal!_ "Guys! She's… She's awake!"

_The spaces in between two mouths and all the places they have been. The spaces in between…_

Matt had taken a few steps closer, and leaned in to look into Elena's eyes. She blinked confusedly at him, and then her eyes glazed over.

"Matt?" she uttered hoarsely. "No, Matt, you can't be… I need… I don't know, I need something but I don't…" Her voice trailed off in a whisper, and he leaned in to listen closer.

Before he knew what was happening, she had reached up and tugged him down, pressing her lips to his in a surprisingly strong kiss. Shocked, Matt went with it, ignoring the voice in his head yelling _Danger!_

Until Elena's mouth moved down his jaw and to his throat, and he felt teeth graze the skin there. He was yanked back by his shirt, and Stefan replaced him, pinning Elena's arms down, and effectively blocking her from the other two men.

_I tried to put my finger on it… I tried to put my finger on it…_

"Oh my God! Matt, I'm sorry. I don't know… Stefan?"

"Elena, I'm here. Do you know where you are, what's happened?"

She pressed her hands to her eyes. "They got us. Crashed the car." She laughed bitterly. "They got what they came for. They killed me, and they took Damon." She paused as everyone processed that. "I'm turning." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact.

Stefan nodded. "That's probably why you just molested Matt. The bloodlust can be confusing."

This time, Elena shook her head. "It isn't just bloodlust. There's something else. Something… But right now, I need…" She stopped, and stared at Stefan. He nodded.

"You need living human blood."

_I think I might've inhaled you; I could feel you behind my eyes.  
You've gotten into my bloodstream; I could feel you floating in me._

"I'd do it," offered Cole, "but you've been feeding me vervain since the wedding, so I guess that's useless."

Everyone in the room was suddenly watching Matt, except for Elena, who was staring at the wall.

He exhaled and stepped around Stefan, sitting down on the bed. "Go ahead Elena. If it'll save your life."

Elena looked at him, and there were tears in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

He smiled. "Don't worry. I'll be fine." And before he could change his mind, he leaned forward, baring his throat and pressing an arm to the pillow on either side of Elena's head.

Stefan handed her a letter-opener from the desk. Elena looked at Matt, and shook her head, smiling affectionately. She grabbed Matt's hand, and cut across his wrist. Slowly, she pressed her lips to Matt's vein and lapped up the blood, relishing in the feel of it running down her throat.

It felt like everything exploded. Sounds were louder, everything that she saw was brighter and clearer. She could smell Cole from across the room. And taste… She could taste Matt. He was like honey on toast, mostly sweet with a little salt. But there was something else, something intoxicating. _Fear._

_I think I might've inhaled you; I could feel you behind my eyes.  
You've gotten into my bloodstream; I could feel you floating in me._

Stefan wrenched her off of the blonde man, and pulled the latter away, placing him in a chair as Cole handed him a towel to clean up his wrist. Elena looked bitter, like there was something that she couldn't quite remember, but was there. Stefan watched as she raised her eyes to meet his.

"There's something wrong Stefan. This isn't right… There's something missing." Stefan frowned at her, and she sighed, and then pressed her hand to her stomach. "I still feel hazy… Is that normal?"

This time, Stefan shook his head. "No, everything should be clearing up." He stepped closer to her, but she shook her head and jumped off the bed.

"We need to get to Damon. It's been a couple of hours, but we can probably still get to them."

"Elena stop."

She ignored whoever spoke to her and kept walking.

"We can get Bonnie to trace him and we'll just get him."

"Elena, shouldn't you -?"

She was hopping down the stairs now. "Caroline, Jeremy and Alaric should come too. There might be a fight and we'll need all the strength we can get."

"Fuck! Elena!" At this, she stopped, turned around, and met Stefan's eyes.

Then she hit the floor.


	80. Make Me Wanna Die Interlude XIX

**Author's Note: I was going to hang on to this one for another couple of days, but then I got a day-brightening review from fourxleafxclover, so here it is. Keep that in mind... Awesome reviews = super-quick posting!**

**That being said, next chapter is the last for this particular run of the story. I'm writing the sequel, In The End, and am actually on chapter 4 of that one. I'd still really like to hear your thoughts about this story, seeing as how you've been taking this journey with me!**

**The lyrics and story title are from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rate M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_And everytime I look inside your eyes_

_You make me wanna die._

Elena sat on the couch in the parlour, cradling a large glass of blood, while Stefan sat next to her. Cole and Matt were in the foyer, making phone calls.

"Stefan," Elena's voice was shaky, and she took another gulp of blood, "What's wrong with me?"

He reached forward and lightly stroked her hair. She felt warm, or it may have been his hand. He wasn't sure. "I don't know. But we'll figure it out. Alaric can make some calls, and Jeremy's good for researching. You'll be okay."

Matt came back in the room. "Mr. Saltzman's bringing Jeremy over. Jenna wanted to come, but she gets why she can't."

"Thanks." Elena murmured.

The door slammed open and Caroline flew in the room, followed by a frazzled Bonnie and an irate Cole. Everyone stopped when they saw Elena.

"They weren't answering the phone, they just got here. They don't know," blurted Cole.

Bonnie had rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Elena, but jumped back a second later. "Ohmigod! You're…"

Elena glanced at Stefan. "Well, at least we know that I actually am a vampire. I'm just… broken?"

Everyone stared, and was silent until Stefan cleared his throat.

"I'll talk to Bonnie about that spell."

"I'm gonna run out for coffee," offered Cole.

"I'll come too," Matt added.

That left Caroline and Elena, who sat quietly side by side until Alaric and Jeremy arrived.

"Holy shit, Elena," was all that Jeremy could manage.

The whole group reassembled in the parlour and Stefan brought everyone up to speed while they waited for Matt and Cole to return.

"So, who did it? Who turned you?" Jeremy asked.

Elena blushed. "Damon and I reconciled on our way here." She glanced at Stefan, and then stared at the floor. "There was some blood-sharing involved."

Stefan opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment Matt and Cole walked in. After coffee was handed out, Elena looked from Stefan to Cole and back.

"How did you know what happened?"

Cole shrugged and Stefan shook his head. "I got a phone call. Whoever it was told me to turn around because you and Damon," he coughed over his brother's name, "were in trouble."

They all let that sink in for a few moments, and then Caroline chirped up. "And where's Damon?"

This time, it was Elena who shook her head. "I can't really remember too well, it's all still really foggy." An image flashed through her mind, flames and a black SUV. "But, I'm pretty sure they took him somewhere. Mina grabbed him," another flash, Mina carrying Damon over one shoulder, cradling her other arm, "But she was hurt, or something."

A pounding started in Elena's head, and she tossed back the rest of the blood in her glass. "We need to get to him." She started to get up, but wavered. "We can go back to where they took him, and…"

Everyone started to speak at once, but the meaning was clear: There was no way in hell Elena was going anywhere that night.


	81. Breathe part 1

**Author's Note: Here it is! The last chapter for this story. I'll have the beginning of In The End posted very soon, perhaps even this evening if I have the time. Thank you all for taking this long journey with me. I really have loved writing this story, and I'm glad that you've all stuck it out. Thank you to everyone who took the time to review, add the story to their alerts/favourites, and even those who added me as a favourite author. I cannot express how much it means to me!**

**This is really just a recap of where everything stands now. I'll be adding an annex story of deleted scenes as soon as I'm done here.**

**The lyrics are from the song Breathe by Swollen Members featuring Nelly Furtado. Although I've only used Nelly Furtado's part. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I'm alive, I can feel the blood rushin' through my veins._

Dear Diary,

Consider this my first entry of my new life. I died, and now I'm a vampire. Borrowed blood is running through my veins, and I plan on using every ounce of it to protect everyone that I love, starting with Damon.

_And that's all I need to know, 'cause I'm not lookin' for a change._

But I'm sick. The blood isn't doing what it's supposed to do. Stefan said that it's a good sign that I'm at least alive-ish. There's just something else.

'_Cause I've got friends and enemies, but it just don't bother me, _

So, before I fall asleep again, here's the rundown:

First: We need to find Damon. I can't remember much from the other night, but I know that they took him. And by 'they', I mean Nicolai and Mina, since Francis wasn't there.

Second: Where the hell is Francis? He wasn't there when I died, and I think he was supposed to be doing something with Stefan, but Stefan has no idea who I'm talking about.

Third: What's wrong with me? I've been drinking more blood than anyone thought I could handle, and eating like crazy! I've even taken to sneaking drinks of Damon's bourbon, and Caroline snuck me some cigarettes. It just feels like I'm in a holding position, waiting for something else to kick in.

Fourth: I don't know how to say this. I can't even put it into words. I hate them for doing this to me! It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be an accident, and it wasn't supposed to be now! It feels like my world has fallen apart, and I don't know what to do or where to turn… I'm just…

'_Cause as long as I believe, I can breathe._

But it has to work out. I know that it will. I have Stefan, Caroline and Jeremy on my side. Plus Bonnie and Alaric. Cole and Matt will help out here. We'll find Damon if I have to scorch a path across every continent to do it.

I wanted to die. I know that. But it won't have been in vain.


	82. In The End  Breathe part 2

**Author's Note: A whole bunch of people added this story to their Story Alerts after I posted the final chapter, so I figured I'd add this here. This is the first chapter of the sequel In The End. Please go find that one for a continuation.**

**That being said, if anyone knows of any good Vampire Diaries fanvids to the song Grenade by Bruno Mars, that would be awesome!**

**The lyrics are from the song Breathe by Swollen Members featuring Nelly Furtado. Although I've only used Nelly Furtado's part. **

**The story title is from the song by The Pretty Reckless.**

**Rated M for language, sexual content, sensitive matter, and dark themes.**

_I'm alive; I can feel the blood rushin' through my veins.  
And that's all I need to know, 'cause I'm not lookin' for a change.  
'Cause I've got friends and enemies, but it just don't bother me, 'cause as long as I believe, I can breathe._

There was a shuffle of feet, and Damon woke up. His mouth felt dry, and when he inhaled, he smelled the sweet and intoxicating scent of blood pumping somewhere nearby. When he opened his eyes, he saw someone lying curled up a few feet over from where Damon himself lay splayed on the floor. He crawled over, and sank his teeth into the woman's throat, oblivious to the fear in her eyes.

_I'm alive, I can feel the blood rushin' through my veins.  
And that's all I need to know, 'cause I'm not lookin' for a change.  
'Cause I've got friends and enemies, but it just don't bother me, 'cause as long as I believe, I can breathe._

Once he'd drained her dry, Damon stood up and dusted himself off. He did a mental checklist: No vervain; Not dead; Where's Elena?

Then it all rushed back to him: The car. The SUV. The vervain. Elena screaming for him. And then nothing.

He searched the room frantically. It was dark, with cement walls and floor, and a barred cell door. He balled his hands into fists and slammed until he heard footsteps leisurely making their way down the dim hall beyond.

_I've known since before I knew how to that we are all just born to do what our deeper self says to do, whether it'd be easier not to do._

The door creaked open, and Damon took in the sight of Nicolai leaning against the doorframe.

"You're awake. I'm glad. The sooner we get you ready, the better." The older vampire was smiling menacingly.

"Get me ready for what? What did you do to Elena?"

Nicolai pushed himself off the doorframe and took a few steps forward. "Elena is dead. And you -"

Damon cut him off. "She had vampire blood in her system. You probably just turned her."

A blink, then footsteps across the cell, and then Damon felt the eastern European accent wash across his face. "I took her, tortured her, and tore her limb from limb. Now, you would do well to forget anything of your past life, because I will need all of your capacities to make this all worth my while."

Damon opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out as he processed everything that Nicolai had just revealed.

"Now, Salvatore, I know that this will be a lot for you to take in, given how young and emotional you are, but it's for the best for you to accept it as soon as you can. You have a destiny to live up to."

This last finally shook Damon up. He was 172 years old, and had spent the vast majority of his life, alive or dead, killing remorselessly. No one had ever called him young and emotional, and if they had he probably would have torn their head from their shoulders and left it at that.

Nicolai turned to leave, and the younger vampire finally spoke. "What – What destiny would that be, exactly?"

The room was still and the air grew thick with tension.

Then, "Katherine's plan for you."

_I've known since before I knew how to that we are all just born to do what our deeper self says to do, whether it'd be easier not to do._

"And what the fuck did that bitch plan for me?"

Nicolai laughed, and finally turned to face his prisoner. "She knew you, Damon. She knew what you were, deep down. You are a warrior. And you will be fighting for the rest of your life."

It was only then that Damon heard the yelling, slamming, and screaming, and he knew where he was. He'd heard of it, and even hoped to witness it someday. A place where disgraced vampires and other supernatural creatures were forced into battle for the entertainment of a depraved and bloodthirsty audience.

But now, he would be forced to participate in a fight to the death, every night, until someone finally ended him.

He was in Hell.


End file.
